The Sensitive Person’s Guide for How to Be Your Own Valentine
Are you a “sensitive” person? Then you probably need to learn how to be your own Valentine more than anyone.
Why do “sensitives” need to learn to be their own Valentine?
A “sensitive” is a person who is highly empathetic toward others. Your deep level of empathy makes you highly intuitive about the feelings others are experiencing. This tendency also makes you a natural at helping others but over time can draw you in to doing more and more to help others and less and less to help yourself.
This is why you need a guide to being your own Valentine.
Having such a highly developed sense of empathy is a double edged sword. You not only detect when someone around you is experiencing emotional pain you also begin to experience their feelings as your own.
Your sensitive and caring nature drives you to want to “fix” others. You want to alleviate their pain and discomfort by doing whatever you can to make things better for them. You become their personal cheerleader always making sure that you are “on” in order to steer their mood back from the negative to the positive.
A pattern of reacting to the needs of others 24/7 to the exclusion of your own needs will not only exhaust you but leave you little time for your own self-care.
The dark side of being a sensitive who has become a chronic caretaker is that you are always putting your own needs last.
See how many of these behaviors apply to you:
1. You rarely make time for yourself to do the things you enjoy.
2. You do not exercise regularly even though you want to.
3. You eat to soothe your emotions.
4. You do not make time to go within and meditate daily.
5. You constantly give in to the demands and schedules and needs of others.
6. Always go out of your way to help or fix things in the lives of others regardless of how busy you are.
7. You take on too much and say, “yes” when you really want to say, “no.”
8. You allow other people’s moods and negativity to manipulate your behavior and reactions.
9. You run your self ragged for others and feel overwhelmed a lot of the time but, you don’t want to appear selfish!
10. You desire and need “alone time” to recover from all that you give to others but rarely give this to yourself.
If you identified with five or more of these traits you are a highly sensitive person who needs to learn how to put yourself first and be your own Valentine!
Being your own Valentine means you nurture and take care of yourself as well as you do others. It means you make time to keep yourself emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. It also means you learn how to close up the gaping holes in your boundaries that allows others to overshadow you with their emotions. When you learn how to close up your porous boundaries you will no longer feel compelled to make other people’s problems your pet projects and you will have taken back the power to find fulfillment and direct your own life.
6 Steps for the Sensitive Person to take back their power and become their own Valentine:
1. Journal first thing in the morning or every night before sleeping. You must find a way to separate your own feelings from the feelings you’ve absorbed from other people in your life.
What emotions have you taken on from the people in your life that do not belong to you? For example, when “so and so” is angry how do you react? How has this affected your life? Write it out and use every expletive that comes to mind. Just make sure you get all the frustration on paper. This is how you will begin to reclaim what emotions belong to you and reject those that don’t.
(This is your private diary that no one will see so be sure to write an uncensored account of what you are feeling. If you are afraid that someone will find it, shred it or burn it after you are finished but do not hold back.)
The purpose of this step is to start to identify your own feelings apart from the emotions you absorbed from other people. You are not going to be able to take back your life and self-care until you understand what’s going on in you.
2. Create a new vision for you life. As hard as this may be you must take some time out for your self. You cannot continue to give to others if you are depleted.
Find some place where you will be undisturbed and can day-dream for a while. Or take a walk or even a ride in the car. Just make sure you have the privacy you need for this exercise. Ask yourself what you wish your life to look like and create your ideal day.
What time would you wake up? What would you do after waking. Where would you go, who would you be with and what activities would you participate in if you had the day to yourself? Follow this through for an entire day.
After you create your vision write a short version of it on an index card where you can re-read it every day.
3. Identify two or three things from your daydream that you are not doing but in reality could do. For example say your daydream includes getting up early every day and going to a yoga or meditation class. It may also be a yearning for support from a group such as Weight Watchers. Perhaps you daydreamed about taking a luxurious bath each night, writing your novel or making time to paint.
Now that you are aware of two or three activities that you yearn to do pick the top one that appeals to you. (I’d start with the one that will give you the most immediate joy).
Make a promise and commitment to yourself that you will do that one – just one for now as an experiment to see how doing something for yourself impacts your life. Commit to following through with this activity for at least three weeks.
4. After three weeks review how following through on a promise to yourself made you feel. How did doing something for yourself impact your life? Make a list of what you have gained by doing this one activity for yourself. Sometimes it only takes doing one thing for ourselves to spring us out of the grip of catering to other people’s emotions.
For example, did it help you to be able to begin saying, “no” when you wanted to? Do you begin to feel more energetic and enthused about your life? Are you starting to see the possibilities that are available and to feel like your old self again?
5. After 3 weeks add the second activity to your life that you identified in #3. You promised yourself, remember? Doing two things for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. (I know what you are thinking!).
What would happen if you fell through on every commitment you made in your life to others?
Would you still be employed? No.
Would you lose credibility with your family and friends? Yes.
Would you lose respect for yourself? Yes you would. And, this is what happens when we put ourselves last and do not make ourselves a priority which is what I mean by being your own Valentine.
6. Spend five minutes every day reveling in your day-dream. Take out your index card and re-read it. Close your eyes and recall the wonderful sense of freedom and joy this daydream brought to you. You can feel this way everyday. It only requires that you follow through on the promise you made to yourself. Remember that the way you live one day is the way you live every day.
(An easy time to fit recalling your day-dream is when you are showering or brushing your teeth. The more you let yourself get into the day dream the more motivated you will be to continue to carry out your own self-care routine.)
I hope you decide to make yourself your own Valentine this year. Being a sensitive is a wonderful trait but you musn’t let it consume you.
Are you a sensitive? What activities or dreams have you let go of because of your compulsion to serve others first? What activities can you put back into your life to show that you are your own Valentine?
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P.S. Learn to listen to your intuition without being bombarded by other people’s emotions: Click here!
Photo credit: © Konstantin Yuganov – Fotolia.com
“Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them” – George Eliot
After getting the call that my father passed away, I picked up my mother and raced to the hospital.
The nurse handed us a brown paper bag with his personal effects and then led us to the room where he spent his last moments alive. I looked at him but, while it was his body – it was no longer him. I “knew” he was no longer in there.
I pulled two chairs along side of the hospital bed and we sat down, neither one of us saying a word.
After a while my eyes began playing tricks on me. Had he just blinked?
No. It was just wishful thinking.
“Dad, talk to me, please,” I thought while staring intently at his lifeless body. “Are you alright? Was someone here from the spirit world to meet you when you vacated your body?”
I had so many thoughts racing through my mind. Would he come through to me?
I didn’t want to upset my mother. She cried softly into a tissue held over the bottom half of her face. I forced back my own tears so, I wouldn’t make it any worse for her.
My mother got up to use the restroom, leaning heavily on her cane as she walked into the hospital corridor.
And when she left the room, it happened.
Suddenly, on the other side of the bed stood my father and his sister with their arms around one another – beaming! A wavy light framed them. This light had “depth” to it, almost as if it were a portal where I could “walk” into their world and join them if I wanted to. And, oh how I wanted to but, I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place, transfixed by what I was seeing.
Neither of them said anything but, they didn’t have to. I could tell from the expression on their faces that they were laughing and enjoying their reunion. I felt my heart open up and wave of love from the two of them poured into it. The love they sent was beyond words to describe. It hit me with a mighty force – thwack!
My father was wearing his favorite safari jacket and beloved Greek fisherman’s cap. My aunt glowed in a peacock blue gown and matching scarf in her hair. And then, in flash they disappeared.
“No! Wait,” I cried.
I bounded to the other side of the bed where they had stood only seconds before, “Come back. Talk to me, please.”
But, it was over and they had gone.
“What if it was my imagination,” I thought beginning to doubt myself. Had I really seen them or had my desire to “see” my father created this vision?
I pulled a tissue from my purse to wipe my eyes and sat down.
I kept looking around the room hoping that my father and aunt would reappear but, they never did.
That evening I called a fellow medium.
I told her that I’d seen my father but, gave her no details other than telling her he hadn’t said anything to me.
“Can you bring my father through?” I asked rather impatiently. “I have to know he is alright.”
And then she said, “He’s here and he is with a woman wearing a long blue dress with a matching blue band in her hair.”
My knees actually buckled. I was so happy. She was seeing exactly what I had seen.
Andrea accurately described my father, whom she had never met, and what I had seen him wearing. He told her how he had passed and that he was now okay. He described his “journey to the other side” as being “out of this world” which was also extremely evidential. One of his favorite phrases had been to say, “It was out of this world.”
He also showed her several other relatives he was celebrating being reunited with and gave their names – all of whom I recognized. Everything she saw and heard was evidential and proved to me that she really was communicating with my father. Of course, the major proof for me was that she saw both he and my aunt in the exact same way I had.
I was so relieved to hear that he was alright. I felt my father’s presence and the love he had for me while the medium was communicating with him. I felt great joy that he was celebrating with his parents, and other relatives. I still grieved over the loss of his physical presence but, I didn’t feel he was lost to me forever. I felt he was with me right by side and it was so very comforting.
In the days and months after my father passed I saw him numerous times and also got many signs of his presence. And, I never doubted again thanks to the validation I received that day.
Four main reasons people see a medium
1. Evidence of survival of death. Even if you are in the habit of seeing or hearing spirits and sensing their presence, like I was, you might think that what is happening to you is just your imagination. It’s natural to doubt and think you made it all up when you want something so badly. Having a medium bring through your loved one will validate what has been happening to you. No, you’re not going crazy. It really was him or her.
The medium conveyed what she saw, and there she was, my lovely Mom, recalling all the happy events of her life in detail, reassuring me that her spiritual body was whole, that she would always look out for us, describing my recent accident and a number of other memories. Now, the medium had no way of knowing any of these things and I was amazed at the connection I felt. At the end of the hour-long reading, I closed my eyes and felt my Mom hug me from behind and place her cheek close to mine, as she always did. I have not felt happier in my life.
Though I felt sad today, her third anniversary because she is no longer with us, in some sense, I also felt immeasurable peace, because of this reading. Love never dies. –Vidya Sury, Vidya Sury.com*
2. Feel their love again. Feeling the love they send you makes you realize that they do live on and that love never dies. After all, the only thing you take with you on the journey when you transition are your memories and the loving bonds you created. Many times we know that they are present because we “feel” their presence and feel the love we shared with them but, we want “proof” that it is real. When you feel their love while in the company of a medium it increases your belief and faith in life after death.
My mediumship reading brought me a lot of peace. My father passed from Alzheimer’s. Although my beliefs led me to believe that he hadn’t died but only passed to a new dimension, it still bothered me. I wanted to know if he was still in a fog, as he was before he passed, or was he free from his prison and free once again. During the reading my father came through at once, as if he were there waiting to come in. He “put” pictures into the medium’s mind that she conveyed to me. I immediately felt connected to my Dad and could feel his energy of love. Everything that she “saw” I could relate too and understood why he was sharing it with us. At the end of the conversation I was completely convinced that my father is out of his prison, that he is happy and free and at peace. Not only that, he is still with me whenever I “call” and walking with me illuminating my way when I need him. Today I felt so light and peaceful myself knowing that he truly is still a part of my life and that I will see him again when I pass. –Vicki Pearson*
3. Heal grief. Your pain at losing them is healed by knowing that you are only temporarily separated and that you will see your loved one again. While you will still grieve and miss them terribly you will also feel joy at knowing that they are still with you and that you can speak to them and that they do, in fact, hear you. Your grief will lesson when you realize that they can be with you at all major family events and that you can hear through a medium about the details of the event and “know” they really were there.
Since my mediumship reading, although I dearly miss my brother, I feel so close to him, know he is with me, have evidential messages that have stayed with me and it’s made a difference that I hadn’t expected to feel. I turned a corner in terms of the pain- and for anyone who is grieving the loss of somebody they loved, I wish this for you as well. –Lisa Claudia Briggs, Intuitive Body*
4. Validate your experiences. All the little signs they send or dreams they visit you in will become much more meaningful as you will know with complete certainty, that this is really coming from them. You will have an entirely new perspective on “physical death.” And, an entirely new outlook on life.
After my reading, I now know without a doubt that we never lose connection with those we love after they transition. A year after my mom died I was at my grandson’s birthday party. Before walking into my daughter’s home the hair on my arms stood up and I knew she was with us. I didn’t think of it again until after the party was over. My daughter asked everyone if they wanted a glass of wine. She took the bottle out of the fridge and the name on the label was “Seven Daughters.” My mom had seven daughters. It was then that I remembered feeling her presence earlier. –Tess Marshall, The Bold Life*
*Excerpted from testimonial
Who are you missing this Valentine’s Day? Has their spirit ever come to you? Or, have you gotten other signs from them from the afterlife? Share your story with us.
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P.S. Learn how to develop your own intuition – click here.
P.P.S Listen to my interview on Amazing Women of Power Radio airing on Monday, February 11 at 2:30 & 8:30 Eastern. Catch the replay on Tuesday