A reader asks, “How do we forgive forever?”
I always assumed that once you forgave it was forever.
As I thought about this I recalled all the forgiveness work I had to do regarding a previous relationship.
It took a long, long time of repeatedly focusing on forgiving to “forgive forever.”
But after I had forgiven I could easily think of this person and wish them well whereas before, I couldn’t. Until I finally forgave every thought I had of the person brought up the anger and pain again. I worked on this continually though for nearly two years until I was free.
And that perhaps is the answer…
Unless the act we are forgiving only superficially wounded us, it’s going to take time to clear your heart of the negative emotions you’re hanging onto to get to being able to “forgive forever.”
Forgiveness has to be a daily effort.
One of the ways to clear your heart and forgive is to use a mantra such as the one from Ho’oponopono which is “an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.” (Wikipedia).
The mantra is:
I’m sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Another powerful mantra that I have used is from Sahaja Yoga:
I forgive. I forgive everyone including myself.
You also have to want to forgive forever.
Some people say they do but really, deep down they enjoy being the victim and telling their story over and over. They’ve become emotionally addicted to the attention and sympathy they get when they tell their stories. If you hang onto to your story you’ll never forgive forever.
Another part of the forgiveness puzzle lies in actually “accepting” what has happened.
When you can’t accept what has happened what you’re really saying is that you cannot accept that your life has been changed forever. You are forcibly holding onto the past and what has been and deep down you’re probably not able to forgive yourself.
When someone does this it’s usually their way of not acknowledging fear and other toxic emotions such as guilt, humiliation, shame and embarrassment about how their lives have changed. The answer is to forgive yourself and then work on self-love and love for all of life in general.
Living with abuse
If the situation is ongoing – that’s entirely different. We all have free will and choice in our lives. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean putting up with abuse of any kind. Leave and end the relationship then begin working on forgiving.
It’s not going to be possible to forgive if you have a new fresh wound to heal each day. You’re not meant to be a martyr.
If you can’t leave – use the mantras and release the toxic emotions daily until you can leave.
The Scale of Consciousness
Holding onto anger and not forgiving someone ultimately hurts you not the person you’re angry with.
I had the privilege of seeing Dr. David R Hawkins demonstrate his “scale of consciousness” using muscle testing in 2007 while at an I Can Do It conference. The muscle testing clearly showed how what we feel and think affects the body. His work and many others since show that toxic emotions weaken the body and will eventually lead to illness.
Lower level emotions emit the lowest vibrations and hanging onto them does equate to “drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Hawkins created a scale of consciousness based on these emotions. (Check it out here.)
True forgiveness is being at peace. You’ll know when you have forgiven forever when you’re able to think about what happened and no longer have your emotions provoked.
You can forgive forever in fact, I recommend it. Let go, forgive, forget and move on.
Are you still holding onto anger? What is it costing you to not forgive?
- I’m Sorry. Forgive Me. Thank you. I love you. (poweredbyintuition.com)
- 8 Ways to Heal Your Pain & Release Your Incredible Power (poweredbyintuition.com)
- 5 Steps to Forgive & Let Go to Achieve Your Dreams (poweredbyintuition.com)