A reader asks, “How do we forgive forever?”
I always assumed that once you forgave it was forever.
As I thought about this I recalled all the forgiveness work I had to do regarding a previous relationship.
It took a long, long time of repeatedly focusing on forgiving to “forgive forever.”
But after I had forgiven I could easily think of this person and wish them well whereas before, I couldn’t. Until I finally forgave every thought I had of the person brought up the anger and pain again. I worked on this continually though for nearly two years until I was free.
And that perhaps is the answer…
Unless the act we are forgiving only superficially wounded us, it’s going to take time to clear your heart of the negative emotions you’re hanging onto to get to being able to “forgive forever.”
Forgiveness has to be a daily effort.
One of the ways to clear your heart and forgive is to use a mantra such as the one from Ho’oponopono which is “an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.” (Wikipedia).
The mantra is:
I’m sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Another powerful mantra that I have used is from Sahaja Yoga:
I forgive. I forgive everyone including myself.
You also have to want to forgive forever.
Some people say they do but really, deep down they enjoy being the victim and telling their story over and over. They’ve become emotionally addicted to the attention and sympathy they get when they tell their stories. If you hang onto to your story you’ll never forgive forever.
Another part of the forgiveness puzzle lies in actually “accepting” what has happened.
When you can’t accept what has happened what you’re really saying is that you cannot accept that your life has been changed forever. You are forcibly holding onto the past and what has been and deep down you’re probably not able to forgive yourself.
When someone does this it’s usually their way of not acknowledging fear and other toxic emotions such as guilt, humiliation, shame and embarrassment about how their lives have changed. The answer is to forgive yourself and then work on self-love and love for all of life in general.
Living with abuse
If the situation is ongoing – that’s entirely different. We all have free will and choice in our lives. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean putting up with abuse of any kind. Leave and end the relationship then begin working on forgiving.
It’s not going to be possible to forgive if you have a new fresh wound to heal each day. You’re not meant to be a martyr.
If you can’t leave – use the mantras and release the toxic emotions daily until you can leave.
The Scale of Consciousness
Holding onto anger and not forgiving someone ultimately hurts you not the person you’re angry with.
I had the privilege of seeing Dr. David R Hawkins demonstrate his “scale of consciousness” using muscle testing in 2007 while at an I Can Do It conference. The muscle testing clearly showed how what we feel and think affects the body. His work and many others since show that toxic emotions weaken the body and will eventually lead to illness.
Lower level emotions emit the lowest vibrations and hanging onto them does equate to “drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Hawkins created a scale of consciousness based on these emotions. (Check it out here.)
True forgiveness is being at peace. You’ll know when you have forgiven forever when you’re able to think about what happened and no longer have your emotions provoked.
You can forgive forever in fact, I recommend it. Let go, forgive, forget and move on.
Are you still holding onto anger? What is it costing you to not forgive?
Let us forgive each other – only then will we live in peace. —Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
I’m sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Have you heard this mantra? It is from Ho’oponopono.
Ho’oponopono is an ancient healing practice of forgiveness from Hawaii practiced throughout Polynesian cultures.
“Ho’oponopono” is defined as “mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness.”(Wikepedia)
I first heard this mantra, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you,” in a book by author Joe Vitale titled, “The Awakening Course: The Secret to Solving All Problems.”
Vitale wrote about how he’d heard of therapist who worked for the Hawaii State Hospital for the mentally ill who had used this mantra to heal almost all the inmates. The therapist did not see the patients he merely read their charts and constantly repeated the mantra. After two years most of the inmates were released.
Vitale was so fascinated by this story that he tracked down the therapist, Ihalekala Hew Len, to find out all he could about his method.
Len believed that we are individually responsible for anything and everything that comes into our lives. His belief is that if you create your own reality, and a mentally ill patient shows up in your experience, you created the experience of that person.
In order to restore their mental health Len had to ask the Divine to forgive him for whatever he had done to co-create that person in his life.
While reading the charts of these mental patients, many of whom had committed extreme violence, Len would become angry and upset. He would take his “feeling” and offer it the Divine to be healed.
Vitale describes how he used the mantra:
“He’s taking the feeling to the Divine, and he’s kind of offering a prayer. He’s offering a petition. He’s saying to the Divine, “I’m sorry. I have no idea what in me co-created this person, but I’m accepting that the person is in my life. Please forgive me for whatever I have done in my life, in my past, in my present. I’m not aware of what I did, but please forgive me for that.” He goes on to say, “Thank you. Thank you for taking care of this. Thank you for cleaning this. Thank you for taking care of this whole situation.” He ended it by saying, “I love you,” which, as I found out, were the three most powerful words you could say. He’s saying, “I love you,” not to himself, not to the person that he’s thinking about, not to his file. He’s saying it to the Divine. He’s saying it to God. He’s saying, “I love you,” and by doing so, he’s going into a state of surrender.” (p.71-72)
After I read this I started using the mantra whenever I felt upset by anyone or any situation in my life.
And, you know what? It worked.
I found I was no longer upset nor could bringing up the person or the problem trigger those feelings in me again.
I was free!
What a wonderful feeling.
Why does this mantra work?
When we realize that we are part of the problem even if we don’t know how – we say, “I’m sorry.”
If it’s as simple as having an argument with a friend, you are part of the problem. If it is something less obvious such as when Len felt he somehow co-created the mentally ill patients; take responsibility for drawing this situation to yourself, even if it is not technically your fault.
We always have thoughts cycling through our minds whether we realize it or not that are not in alignment with our highest intentions. Be repeating the mantra over and over we neutralize those negative thought patterns.
Ask the Divine to forgive you for whatever thoughts within you drew you into or created the situation.
When we as to be “forgiven” it humbles us. It brings down the ego. When you remove the ego’s attachment to “being right and who was wrong,” you can move past the problem and release those negative feelings much more easily.
Thank the Divine for forgiving you.
We acknowledge that we have received the divine blessing of forgiveness and give thanks for being freed from this negativity from the bottom of our hearts.
Tell the Divine, “I love you.”
Saying, “I love you,” says that you are most thankful for the grace of being forgiven. It also says that you are thankful for being given the gift of life and for another day to get it right!
Whenever you find yourself getting upset start repeating this mantra and see how your world changes around you.
If you have ever used this mantra what were you experiences? If not, are you willing to try it?
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P.S. Guess what? Today is the fourth day of “The Intuition Principle: How to Attract the Life You Dream Of,” Book Tour.
Nearly 40 generous online entrepreneurs have graciously offered to host me and my book on their websites for the next 30 days. I’m so excited about bringing my book to the world and so thankful to each of them.
Check out these fabulous bloggers and their articles/interview with me/review of the book here:
Day 4: http://julielangdonbarrett.com/2012/05/16/a-book-review-of-the-intuition-principle-by-angela-artemis/
Day 4: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/britetalk/2012/05/17/how-to-develop-your-intuition
Day 5: http://rebuildyourlifecoach.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/have-you-got-guts-tune-into-your-intuition-interview-with-angela-artemis/
Day 5: http://www.reflectingalife.com/2012/05/18/connecting-to-the-world-wide-web-of-consciousness/