The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Being Your Own Valentine

The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Being Your Own Valentine

Highly sensitive person

The Sensitive Person’s Guide for How to Be Your Own Valentine

Are you a “sensitive” person? Then you probably need to learn how to be your own Valentine more than anyone.

Why do “sensitives” need to learn to be their own Valentine?

A “sensitive” is a person who is highly empathetic toward others. Your deep level of empathy makes you highly intuitive about the feelings others are experiencing. This tendency also makes you a natural at helping others but over time can draw you in to doing more and more to help others and less and less to help yourself.

This is why you need a guide to being your own Valentine.

Having such a highly developed sense of empathy is a double edged sword. You not only detect when someone around you is experiencing emotional pain you also begin to experience their feelings as your own.

Your sensitive and caring nature drives you to want to “fix” others. You want to alleviate their pain and discomfort by doing whatever you can to make things better for them. You become their personal cheerleader always making sure that you are “on” in order to steer their mood back from the negative to the positive.

A pattern of reacting to the needs of others 24/7 to the exclusion of your own needs will not only exhaust you but leave you little time for your own self-care.

The dark side of being a sensitive who has become a chronic caretaker is that you are always putting your own needs last.

See how many of these behaviors apply to you:

1. You rarely make time for yourself to do the things you enjoy.

2. You do not exercise regularly even though you want to.

3. You eat to soothe your emotions.

4. You do not make time to go within and meditate daily.

5. You constantly give in to the demands and schedules and needs of others.

6. Always go out of your way to help or fix things in the lives of others regardless of how busy you are.

7. You take on too much and say, “yes” when you really want to say, “no.”

8. You allow other people’s moods and negativity to manipulate your behavior and reactions.

9. You run your self ragged for others and feel overwhelmed a lot of the time but, you don’t want to appear selfish!

10. You desire and need “alone time” to recover from all that you give to others but rarely give this to yourself.

If you identified with five or more of these traits you are a highly sensitive person who needs to learn how to put yourself first and be your own Valentine!

Being your own Valentine means you nurture and take care of yourself as well as you do others. It means you make time to keep yourself emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. It also means you learn how to close up the gaping holes in your boundaries that allows others to overshadow you with their emotions. When you learn how to close up your porous boundaries you will no longer feel compelled to make other people’s problems your pet projects and you will have taken back the power to find fulfillment and direct your own life.

6 Steps for the Sensitive Person to take back their power and become their own Valentine:

1. Journal first thing in the morning or every night before sleeping. You must find a way to separate your own feelings from the feelings you’ve absorbed from other people in your life.

What emotions have you taken on from the people in your life that do not belong to you? For example, when “so and so” is angry how do you react? How has this affected your life? Write it out and use every expletive that comes to mind. Just make sure you get all the frustration on paper. This is how you will begin to reclaim what emotions belong to you and reject those that don’t.

(This is your private diary that no one will see so be sure to write an uncensored account of what you are feeling. If you are afraid that someone will find it, shred it or burn it after you are finished but do not hold back.)

The purpose of this step is to start to identify your own feelings apart from the emotions you absorbed from other people. You are not going to be able to take back your life and self-care until you understand what’s going on in you.

2. Create a new vision for you life. As hard as this may be you must take some time out for your self. You cannot continue to give to others if you are depleted.

Find some place where you will be undisturbed and can day-dream for a while. Or take a walk or even a ride in the car. Just make sure you have the privacy you need for this exercise. Ask yourself what you wish your life to look like and create your ideal day.

What time would you wake up? What would you do after waking. Where would you go, who would you be with and what activities would you participate in if you had the day to yourself? Follow this through for an entire day.

After you create your vision write a short version of it on an index card where you can re-read it every day.

3.  Identify two or three things from your daydream that you are not doing but in reality could do. For example say your daydream includes getting up early every day and going to a yoga or meditation class. It may also be a yearning for support from a group such as Weight Watchers. Perhaps you daydreamed about taking a luxurious bath each night, writing your novel or making time to paint.

Now that you are aware of two or three activities that you yearn to do pick the top one that appeals to you. (I’d start with the one that will give you the most immediate joy).

Make a promise and commitment to yourself that you will do that one – just one for now as an experiment to see how doing something for yourself impacts your life. Commit to following through with this activity for at least three weeks.

4. After three weeks review how following through on a promise to yourself made you feel. How did doing something for yourself impact your life? Make a list of what you have gained by doing this one activity for yourself. Sometimes it only takes doing one thing for ourselves to spring us out of the grip of catering to other people’s emotions.

For example, did it help you to be able to begin saying, “no” when you wanted to? Do you begin to feel more energetic and enthused about your life? Are you starting to see the possibilities that are available and to feel like your old self again?

5.  After 3 weeks add the second activity to your life that you identified in #3. You promised yourself, remember? Doing two things for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. (I know what you are thinking!).

What would happen if you fell through on every commitment you made in your life to others?

Would you still be employed? No.

Would you lose credibility with your family and friends?  Yes.

Would you lose respect for yourself? Yes you would. And, this is what happens when we put ourselves last and do not make ourselves a priority which is  what I mean by being your own Valentine.

6. Spend five minutes every day reveling in your day-dream. Take out your index card and re-read it. Close your eyes and recall the wonderful sense of freedom and joy this daydream brought to you. You can feel this way everyday. It only requires that you follow through on the promise you made to  yourself. Remember that the way you live one day is the way you live every day.

(An easy time to fit recalling your day-dream is when you are showering or brushing your teeth. The more you let yourself get into the day dream the more motivated you will be to continue to carry out your own self-care routine.)

I hope you decide to make yourself your own Valentine this year. Being a sensitive is a wonderful trait but you musn’t let it consume you.

Are you a sensitive? What activities or dreams have you let go of because of your compulsion to serve others first? What activities can you put back into your life to show that you are your own Valentine?

Did you enjoy this article? Share it with a friend on Twitter, FB or Google+!

P.S. Learn to listen to your intuition without being bombarded by other people’s emotions: Click here!

Photo credit: © Konstantin Yuganov –


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The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Overcoming Fear, Indecisiveness and Inaction

The Sensitive Person’s Guide to Overcoming Fear, Indecisiveness and Inaction

Sensitive woman

Are you a “sensitive” person? Do your fears undermine your confidence, create indecisiveness and lead to inaction?

Not sure if you’re a sensitive or not? There are a number of definitions of a sensitive. Here’s mine from my own experience:

The sensitive person is a highly perceptive person. They are acutely aware of the subtle nuances in their environment and the atmosphere around them. They are all too aware of the feelings of others. Sensitives pick up on cues that many people overlook such as the subtle changes in tone, facial expression and emotions of the people they are with and gain insight and meaning from these subtleties. They empathize deeply with others and not only understand but experience what others are feeling. In other words, they are extremely intuitive.

Being a sensitive person has its pros and cons.

On the pro side I believe that perceiving so many more layers to reality than meets the physical eye contributes to creativity and imagination. It’s also extremely useful when sizing up a person or situation. You gain insight quickly due to this extended sense of awareness.

One of the major cons I have found from my own life experience is that having a sense that isn’t often shared by others has made me feel odd and misunderstood at times especially, by my family.

When I was a child I was deathly afraid of the dark and for good reason. I saw and heard things that frightened me that my parents assured me were not there. No matter how hard I tried to convince them that what I saw was real they attributed it to shadows in the dark and insisted it was just my imagination.

Even if you didn’t perceive other realms of existence but grew up highly sensitive and quite open to sensing the emotions of the people around you that too might have made you feel odd and misunderstood for claiming to know things that you, according to other people, couldn’t possibly know. For example you might have sensed that the neighbor across the street was someone to be avoided. You “knew” he was ill intentioned even if, thankfully, nothing ever happened to prove you right.

The thing is that when you are a sensitive and picking up on things that others do not perceive, unless your perceptions are supported, you grow up convinced that you cannot and should not trust your own senses. This erodes your confidence in being able to trust yourself to make decisions. After all, everybody says that what you perceive isn’t real so you must be crazy or odd, right? That is what happened in my case and what I refer to as “sensitive person’s syndrome.”

If you were continually told that you were being “too sensitive” all the time or that it was “all in your imagination” by the authority figures in your life you might have decided that it was wrong to trust your instincts. And, of course by instincts I mean intuition. This would have set you up for lifetime of feeling fearful, indecisive and and or resorting to inaction when faced with having to make an important decision.

“Sensitive persons syndrome” could also translate to a fear of authority, a fear of being in a position of authority (for fear of being wrong) and a fear of taking responsibility for yourself and your decisions. The fear of making a decision or taking responsibility undermines confidence. The result is a constant second guessing your decision and changing your mind from one minute to the next, followed by doing nothing because you are so fearful of being wrong.

There is a way out of this syndrome though so read on.

Here’s a guide for the sensitive person on how to overcome fear, indecision and inaction once and for all:

1. Believe in yourself. The first step is to begin to believe in what you perceive – even if others do not. You are not crazy nor do you have an “over-active” imagination. There is so much more to reality than most people perceive. You just happen to have a more expansive experience of the world around you than most.

2. Stop trying to fit in with the crowd. The more you try to act as if you are what other people might call “normal” the more extreme your “sensitive person’s syndrome” will become. You learned at an early age it wasn’t safe for you to share your perceptions/intuitiveness with others. Your friends or family mocked or shamed you so you learned to protect yourself by hiding your sensitivity. Try to limit the time you spend around such people as much as possible.

3. Find like-minded people to hang out with. It is so important to be around other “sensitives.” For the most part I believe that “sensitives” are “intuitives.” Join a community, club, or meet up of other sensitives/intuitives where you can experience truly being yourself without any fear. For example, the Powered by Intuition comments section and FB page is a safe haven for intuitives to interact with one another.

4. Embrace your sensitivity. Your greatest attribute is your sensitive soul so show it some TLC. Be thankful for your heightened sense of awareness and the information it supplies about your environment. The more you accept this part of yourself the more comfortable you will be in your own skin and the easier it will become to make decisions. The indecisiveness from second guessing yourself will lessen. And so will the resulting inaction. It’s the pushing away of this sensitivity that has made making decisions a nightmare for you.

5. Develop your intuition. Believe it or not this is what has helped me the most. The more you develop your intuition the more confident you will become. Each time you trust your instincts/intuition to make a decision and it turns out well you will become more confident. And, the more confident you are the easier it will be to trust what you perceive the next time and the time after that when making decisions. Developing your intuition is about learning to trust those whispers within and honoring the information your finely tuned perceptions gift you with.

An easy way to begin to honor your sensitivity and heighten your intuition is to listen to a guided meditation that takes you by the hand and shows you what trusting these whispers feels like. The Intuition Principle Guided meditations do just that.

After all, you wouldn’t have this sensitivity if you weren’t meant to use it. So use it and be proud of it!

Are you a “sensitive?” How has it affected your life? Has fear, indecisiveness or inaction been a problem for you?

If you enjoyed this article share it with a friend on Twitter, FB or Google+.

P.S. Here are some more great tools to help you develop your intuition. Click here!

Photo: © solominviktor –

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