Mediumship: From Grief to Healing Relief
(A Personal Story)
By Vicki C.
One beautiful Monday morning in late summer, I woke with a start.
Something was off, Michael had not come to bed.
He often fell asleep on the couch and preferred to stay there until he woke up and came to bed. This didn’t really fit my picture of how “things should be”, but I learned to let him do it his way and I also learned that I could spread way out in bed and fall asleep easily. But this morning he wasn’t there and it was very quiet in our home even though he was usually the first one up making coffee.
I felt scared and I knew something was wrong.
He hadn’t been feeling very well the last few days and his back was in spasm which caused him a lot of pain. Because of that pain he had increased his meds and showed signs of that. Many times I had said to him when I saw the little mound of pills in his palm before bedtime, “Michael, I wish you wouldn’t take so many, one of these days I’m not going to be able to wake you up!”
Of course he played macho with me and said he knew what he was doing, but I didn’t think he did. He took pills for too many different things. Pills for post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, physical pain in his back and joints, nightmares from Vietnam and pills to stop the itching because he had psoriatic arthritis. There were also muscle relaxers and pills for a tremor in his hand.
He was not a happy man and hadn’t been for years. His burden was too heavy and he no longer felt like the ‘real man’ that he once had been. I knew he was unhappy and wanted to “go HOME” but he didn’t believe in suicide and didn’t want to hurt me and his three adult children so he kept on going. He listened to a lot of music because he was a musician, a drummer in his youth, and he was smart and witty but rarely smiled or laughed anymore like he used to.
When I went to bed on Sunday night I covered him with a sheet so the fan wouldn’t give him a chill. He was on his back and snoring quietly. I had no idea that was the last time I would see him alive.
We had planned a trip to Cancun, Mexico and we were both excited, although I was doubting that it would be as wonderful as I wanted it to be. He was just not in good shape. The veteran’s hospital had pulled his teeth months earlier but it wasn’t until the week before he died that they finally gave him his dentures. He could barely eat with them and the all inclusive resort we were going to had eleven restaurants.
I felt very troubled about this disconnect from his reality but we had booked the trip and planned on going. We both desperately needed the relaxation and the fun. Still, I felt off all weekend and so was he, something just didn’t feel right at all.
I got up out of bed, trying to ignore my growing dread and headed for the bathroom. I could see him laying on the couch from there and I looked at his belly to see that it was moving in and out. It didn’t look like it was. I was filled with horror but I went into the bathroom hoping I was wrong. I just had to be wrong. We had been together for 21 years and he was my life.
It wasn’t easy but we were there for each other and I somehow felt safer in the world with him by my side.
I finished and came right out, walked slowly toward him and I could feel the emptiness in the room. He was on his side, his legs over the side of the sofa and both arms hanging down. A little sofa pillow pressed into his nose and mouth, as if he had rolled into it. There was no life there. I could feel it, there was no Michael there.
“Oh no honey, no” I whispered.
My insides turned to ice, he was cold and his color was drained. When I moved the pillow from his face his nose was distorted and the area around his mouth discolored. My God, what happened I thought, and yet I knew; he took one too many pills that night and his poor body just couldn’t take it anymore. When he had rolled into that pillow he didn’t have the strength to take another breath. I went into immediate shock and didn’t know what to do, this had never happened to me before.
This was my fear coming true right there now, now, now… My apartment manager, my friend Judy, she would be at work, she would know what to do, she could think for me because I sure wasn’t able to do it. I called her on the phone, barely speaking, I told her, “Michael is dead!” She made me repeat it as she couldn’t believe what I was saying. They always gave each other a ribbing in fun, both German through and through and both right about everything. “Please come up, please come…”
“I’m coming!”, and she did, just as fast as her short legs could carry her. She came in the door, hugged me then looked at Michael and called 911. She sat by me and held my hand and talked to me a bit, asked me a few questions, it’s all a blur except she was there and I wasn’t all alone with my departed loved one.
Then she had me call his daughter and his son. The hardest calls I ever made. In their shock they said they would be there as soon as possible. By then there were six or seven officers in the room, police and fire officers I believe. They had lots of questions but were very gentle and respectful of my state of mind. In between I made calls to my own family who were also in complete shock. I told them we would talk later.
At one point everyone left the apartment for a few minutes and I was left alone with Michael. I was able to hug his cold body and kiss his face and tell him goodbye. I don’t remember the words but I am so glad I had those few minutes to tell him I loved him and that I knew he was just passing on to a better place and he wouldn’t be in pain anymore.
Then the Coroner’s Office came and they wanted to remove his body. They asked us to step into another room to spare us the shock of seeing him lifted up and removed. I’m so glad they asked us to do that. I would hate to remember that scene over and over in my mind.
When the Coroner was gone and all of the officers, Michael’s daughter suggested we go over to her house so we could get our minds around what had happened. She also had to call her sister from out of state because she knew she would want to drive back with her four children to be with the family. We all left quickly, just wanting to walk away from the pain.
Later I called my friends and one of those friends was Angela. She met Michael once years ago and was shocked to learn that he had died. She offered a reading if I needed one when I was ready.
I was ready and so excited about us possibly make contact with him and finding out, hopefully, what had happened during the night. So we set a date for the reading.
Little did Angela know that it wouldn’t be just me, but my three grown step-children also. I asked her if this would be alright with her and she said yes. As we all sat around my apartment size living room, with the phone on speaker on the coffee table you could feel the excitement in the room. It had been a very painful and confusing time for all of us.
And so we began, Angela went into her “space” and immediately Michael was there. In her mind she clearly saw him and told us where he was standing in the apartment, even though she had never been here before. He looked young and healthy again. She had told us that if he showed up he would place pictures, thoughts and words into her mind which she would most likely not understand. She would share these scenes, words and feelings with us and we would interpret what she told us.
Well, he came through with immediate “Michael” humor, and we all knew it was him. He stood by the patio door smiling and said, “So this is how I get your attention?” He was referring to his adult children who didn’t conform to his expectations of staying regularly in touch with him or returning his phone calls.
From there the reading continued and again and again personal information came through that we understood and that validated that it was Michael. He made us laugh, he made us cry, he told us that he rose off the couch in the middle of the night and saw a man laying on the couch. He didn’t recognize him and he came into the bedroom to tell me about it. He couldn’t wake me and then he realized, in true shock, that he had taken too much of his medication and he had passed. He went back to the body on the couch and saw that the body was indeed him.
He passed and his mother was there to meet him. He described how happy he felt, a bit dazed, but wonderful. His spirit hugged each one of us, he also bent over to show us how he could now touch his toes again and that his skin was clear.
He had suffered with terrible back pain for years and had a severe case of psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis all of which restricted his movement. He also suffered from post traumatic stress disorder from the his sniper days in the Vietnam War. Michael was and is a wonderful man but was a very injured soul.
We all felt so happy to know that his pain was gone, but as his eldest daughter said, in tears, “We are so happy he is well and feels wonderful we only wish we could have shared that with him here.”
He had much to say to us, as he had in life, and he told us we had all been blessings in his life and that nothing but love matters, and to have no guilt or worries because love is the only thing that you take with you. He told us he wished he could have seen all the blessings in his in life from behind his darkness and that he had a lot to work on. Then his mother came through behaving and looking much as she had in life, and took his hand and told him it was time to go, there was much to do.
It was an incredible session. Each of us lightened up by leaps and bounds. Our hearts were happy for him and for understanding what had happened.
His oldest daughter had been in terrible anxiety from the guilt of not having called him for three weeks. After the reading she was ecstatic with joy after he expressed his love for her. The pain had lifted and has never returned.
We all felt sad and shocked by his not being with us anymore, but that reading was a miracle for us. The reading gave us all such a gift, a way to let go and accept his passing. We knew, without a doubt that he is in a better place and free from this world of physical and emotional pain.
We love you Michael, you were our blessing too!
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one know that they can and will communicate with you when you are ready. Has communicating with a departed loved one helped you heal from grief? Share your experience with us in the comments.
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If you have ever lost someone close to you then you are no stranger to grief, mourning and the feeling of emptiness that comes with losing a loved one.
The emptiness has been likened to feeling that there is a hole in your soul that will never again be filled or as if you have lost a piece of you.
Claudio Pisani, MD from Laurio, South Italy and his wife went through the traumatic loss of two of their children. Claudio’s pain and suffering led him to spiritualism (belief that our essence survives physical death) and healing from grief. Over time through his research and direct experiences with mediums he went from skeptic and atheist to a huge promoter of the doctrine of spiritualism in his native country.
Claudio’s website: La Pagina degli Amputee translated to English: THE AMPUTATED PARENTS’ PAGE is an enormous wealth of information on the subject of dealing with loss, understanding how we survive physical death and mediumship. Claudio has been curating information from all over the Internet for years. Even if you do not read Italian you can visit his site and have Google translate it for you.
Today I’m happy to introduce you to Claudio, The Amputated Parents’ Page and his body of work:
1. Please tell Powered by Intuition readers about how you came to start your website, The Amputed Parents’ Page? – http://WWW.AMPUPAGE.IT
I WAS ONCE A “COLD CATHOLIC” NOW I AM A CHRISTIAN SPIRITUALIST AND THIS HELPS ME TO BEAR WITH THE TROUBLES OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE. NOW I KNOW THAT “NOTHING HAPPENS BY CHANCE”, ALSO DEATH.
I WANTED TO KNOW “WHERE” WAS MY SON NICOLA AND THE OTHER LITTLE ONE, SANDRA, WHO DIED 7 DAYS AFTER HER BIRTH, TEN YEARS BEFORE NICOLA.
I DIDN’T TRUST PRIESTS AND RELIGIONS, BUT I KNEW THAT DEATH IS NOT THE END, BECAUSE I’D ALREADY READ MANY BOOKS ON THIS TOPIC BEFORE I WAS MARRIED. THAT NOT FORGOTTEN KNOWLEDGE, POPPED UP IN MY MIND DURING THOSE TERRIBLE DAYS AND I BEGAN MY SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH, THANKS TO INTERNET.
IT WAS IN NOVEMBER OF 1999 WHEN I BEGAN TO WRITE MY WEBSITE, AFTER HAVING READ A LOT ON NDE’s (near death experiences), ADC’S (after death communication) AND AFTER MANY CONTACTS WITH MY SON, THANKS TO A TALENTED AMERICAN MEDIUM, NATALIE WHO WAS ABLE TO DO READINGS BY E-MAIL AND CHATROOMS…. UNLUCKILY SHE CROSSED OVER SOME YEARS AGO…
I THOUGHT THAT THE INFORMATION IN ITALY ABOUT THE SPIRITUALITY WAS TOO SCARCE AND THAT A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO THOSE NEW POINTS OF VIEW OF MANY SCIENTISTS, MEDIUMS, EXPLORERS OF THE AFTERLIFE COULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL FOR ALL THE “AMPUTATED PARENTS” LIKE ME. THEN I HAD ALSO AN ENGLISH VERSION OF IT, BUT AFTER A FEW YEARS , I CLOSED IT BECAUSE THE TRANSLATION JOB WAS TOO HUGE FOR ME. SINCE THEN, I HAD A LOT OF CONTACT WITH OTHER “AMPUTATEES” AND ALSO MET MANY OF THEM DURING THE INTERNATIONAL CONGRESSES OF PARAPSYCHOLOGY I USED TO ATTEND, BOTH AS A LECTURER AND AS A GUEST.
NOW, WITH THE HELP OF SOME FRIENDS, I DO MINI MEETINGS WITH LOCAL GRIEVING PEOPLE, TOO
2. Please tell readers why you use the word “amputee” in your website title.
BECAUSE TO LOSE A SON IS LIKE TO MISS AN ARM, AN EYE….!
3. How has believing in an afterlife changed you? Your life?
TOTALLY!!! I DON’T FEAR DEATH ANYMORE, EVEN IF I FEAR OF “HOW” WE COULD DIE.
(Being a doctor, I cope everyday with long and horrible maladies of older people)
SO, EVERYDAY I ASK MY SON -WHEN MY TIME WILL COME- TO DO IT FAST AND IN THE BEST WAY, NO MATTER WHEN IT WILL BE, EVEN TOMORROW! BTW MY FAVORITE SONG IS “THE SPIRIT CARRIES ON”(DREAM THEATER), DO YOU KNOW IT?
4. As a doctor do you share this information with patients? How receptive are they?
NOT WITH MANY. MOST OF MY PATIENTS ARE ILLITERATE NOR SURF THE WEB. ONLY FEW OF THEM CAN UNDERSTAND MY NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT DEATH. SUPERSTITION IS STILL VERY COMMON HERE AND WHEN YOU DARE TO SPEAK OF DEATH, THE MAJORITY -HOW CAN I EXPLAIN TO YOU…KNOCK ON WOOD (EVEN IF WE ITALIANS DO ANOTHER GESTURE CALLED “CORNA” -HORNS)….. THE VERY FEW WHO READ MY WEBSITE DON’T COME OUT WITH EASY TO SPEAK ABOUT THOSE TOPICS. REMEMBER THAT CATHOLIC CHURCH USED TO BURN ON THE STAKE THOSE WHO TRIED TO CONTACT THE DEATHS!
ONLY FEW PATIENTS ARE ENOUGH OPEN MINDED AND MANY ITALIANS ARE VERY FUNDAMENTALIST ON THESE TOPICS.
5. What do you hope that sharing this information on your website will accomplish?
ABOUT 400 PEOPLE/DAY COME TO READ MY WEBSITE, I HOPE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS ABOUT DEATH, GRIEF AND SORROW CAUSED BY A BIG LOSS. MANY READERS SEND ME EMAILS TO GIVE THANKS AND/OR FOR ASKING ADVICES OR INFORMATION ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE, VERY RARELY SOME DON’T AGREE WITH MY POINTS OF VIEW ABOUT REINCARNATION AND THE MANY “LEVELS” OF THE AFTERLIFE.
I’M IN CONTACT WITH MANY SCHOLARS ALL OVER THE WORLD (FOR EX. VICTOR ZAMMIT, ANTHONY BRAGAGLIA, MIKE TYMN, MICHAEL PRESCOTT GARY SCHWARTZ,KEVIN WILLIAMS, BRUCE MOEN, ETC.) AND…LAST BUT NOT LEAST, YOU, ANGELA!
ALL OF THEM CAN REPUBLISH MY ARTICLES FOR THEIR WEBSITES AND VICE-VERSA, BECAUSE I HATE THE COPYRIGHT, AT LEAST IN THIS FIELD OF RESEARCH.
MY JOB IS AT DISPOSAL OF ALL THE WORLD FOR FREE AND I’D LIKE THAT EVERYONE WOULD DO THE SAME…
6. What can we do to be prepared at the moment of our own transition?
FIRSTLY, BEAR IN MIND THAT THE CONDITIONS (ENVIRONMENT, LEVEL, PEOPLE WITH WHOM WE’LL SHARE THE SAME PLACE, ETC.) DEPEND A LOT ON OUR LIFE’S BEHAVIOR. “LAST MINUTE” REPENTING CAN’T SEND US TO THE HEAVEN INSTEAD OF TO THE HELL! WE’LL REAP WHAT WE’VE SOWED BUT I’M SURE THAT WE DON’T NEED TO BE HEROES TO GAIN A COMFORTABLE LEVEL OF EXISTENCE AFTER DEATH.
SPIRITS SAY THAT EVEN A SMILE, A WARM FEELING OF LOVE CAN BE ENOUGH TO BE SAVED. MORE WE SHOULD TRY TO “IMAGINE” OUR PLACE, PEOPLE WHO WOULD MEET AGAIN, ETC., VISUALIZING EVERY DETAIL OF OUR NEW “HOME.” IMAGINATION (NOT FANTASY) IS A POWERFUL TOOL TO BUILD OUR PERSONAL “FOCUS” AND WE MUST SHARE THIS PLACE WITH OUR LOVED ONES, INVITING THEM TO GO THERE AFTER TRANSITION. BE GENTLE WITH EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THOSE WE DON’T LIKE, SOMETIMES OUR ENEMIES ARE OUR MASTERS!
7. What’s next for you? What projects or goals are you working on?
TO GO ON UNTIL THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE, HOPING TO HAVE GIVEN HELP AND SOLACE TO MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE!
Claudio thank you so much for honoring Powered by Intuition with this interview. –Angela
Have you ever experienced loss so deep it was as if you had lost a piece of yourself? How did you cope? Share your experience with us.
If you enjoyed this interview share it with a friend on Twitter, Facebook or Google+. Thank you!
P.S. Explore and expand your intuition: Start here!
Claudio Pisani, MD is a general practitioner who works for the Italian National Health System. He is also a writer, published author and publisher of content intended to help parents who are coping and healing from the loss of a child. Claudio covers topics such as spiritualism, mediumship, scientific studies on parapsychology and life after death on his website: THE AMPUTATED PARENTS’ PAGE. He lives with his family in Lauria, Region Basilicata, South Italy.You can find out more about Claudio and his work by visiting his website or follow him on Twitter:
Photo Credit: © soup studio – Fotolia.com
- The Great Pool of Grief (psychologytoday.com)
- 5 Encounters with Spirit (poweredbyintuition.com
- Grieving a Loved One (poweredbyintuition.com)
“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” –John Taylor
Today I am pleased to share 5 stories of encounters with the spirit of a loved one from Powered by Intuition readers.
Nothing touches us more than losing someone we love especially when it is a parent or grandparent. The grief can be unbearable.
The painful loss leaves a hole in our soul that cannot be filled. But sometimes we are lucky enough to be “visited”
by the one we miss and this changes everything.
Suddenly upon being visited we are “healed” of our intense grief. We continue to miss them but we instantly feel so much better.
While they are not back for good we know that they aren’t gone forever either and that they continue to exist,
and this gives us great hope and healing.
It was a foggy Wednesday morning around 2 am when I awoke from a deep sleep to see the most beautiful image of a woman at the end of my bed. She wore a long sleeved white gown with a square neckline her dark wavy hair fell to her shoulders.
She looked down at my daughter lying next to me sleeping, her pale face glowed with a most beautiful and serene smile. I knew at once it was my mum. She had said she would come back to one of us when she passed. I’m so pleased she chose me.
She left as quick as she came leaving the room smothered in a loving energy.
Since I was very young, I could sense spiritual presences. The fact that our family moved several times during my childhood and that every house we lived in had at one time someone who passed away in it provided a lot of interesting little experiences, both good and bad. I’ve heard them talk, felt them tap my shoulder, and seen them carry things around the house in mischief.
My beloved father passed away just over 5 years ago. Shortly after the day he passed, I saw faint images of him wherever I went. I told a few family members, but they dismissed it as my imagination and grief. But it didn’t feel like that at all. And wherever I saw him, it was fleeting, and he was smiling–clearly, he was happy in the state he was now in, and despite being heartbroken, I accepted that. I wanted him to know absolute happiness. If anyone deserved it, he did. After his burial, I didn’t see him anymore.
Although I wasn’t able to fully grieve his passing as I feel I needed to–I had young children to care for–I was still very down for a few years. I ached to see him, to talk to him, to in some way know the essence of him was still around somehow. As much as I wanted that, I think, in hindsight, I was simply too down to sense it. It was not until two years ago when something sort of impressed itself upon me that it was time to get up and live life again that I began sensing his energy.
It started when one of my daughter’s toys–a play telephone–was left alone in the living room and said, “Hello? Is anybody there?” and we’d never heard it say that before, nor ever again. We wondered if it was him.
Then, one day I was working on my truck (that used to be his) and encountered a problem I couldn’t seem to figure out. I just said, “Dad, I sure could use your help.” A short time later, the difficulty seemed to disappear and the answer came simply to me, almost out of the blue, without my thinking about it.
Since then, whenever I get stuck on something or have to find something, I just ask him for help, and whatever it is I can’t find turns up within minutes. I’m led directly to a spot that I would never think of looking, and sure enough, whatever it is, is there.
It started to be sort of a humorous thing, because it was a little out of character for him, and of all the ways we could communicate, I wouldn’t have guessed this was going to be it. But it happens without fail. Sometimes I think he’s still being “The Dad” and coming to the rescue of his daughter.
I was somewhat skeptical at first, but once I relaxed and let myself believe, it started to happen more often. I find myself talking to him more and more now, and for that matter, other elders I love dearly who physically left this world. Despite what happens in my daily life, opening up that door has brought me much peace and insight and inspired me to do more than just exist.
My papa passed back in 1998. I was blessed to be with him at his passing over. He and I still have a strong connection.
Just about every time I work outside in the yard, he is sitting on my porch and just grinning from ear to ear wearing his orange shaded glasses and shaking his head in disbelief at how much I am loving my “country Life.” He marvels at how much I am doing in my “country life style” such as filling 12 bird feeders, sawing logs for the fire pit, growing herbs and such. doing more and more organically all the time…
I can feel how much joy he has seeing all of this.
I was “visited” by my maternal grandmother at the time of her death in 1985. I was sleeping in my dorm room, freshman year in college in Wisconsin, a great distance away from my grandmother’s home in Washington where she passed after a several-year struggle with cancer. I knew she was ill, but was not sure when she would die.
I was woken from a deep sleep to find my grandmother at my bedside. I remember feeling very comforted by her presence. She appeared as a 3D being, not a dream. I felt the softness of her skin as she placed her long-fingered hand on my forehead and told me “It’s okay. Everything will be all right. Good bye.” She proceeded to sort of disappear through the wall near my bed.
I glanced at my digital clock that read 5:30 a.m. and for a moment felt confused about what she was doing there so far from home. I decided it was a dream and went back to sleep. At 6:30 a.m. I woke again to knocking on my door, being told there was a phone call for me on the public hall phone. I put on my robe, took the call, and it was my dad telling me my grandmother had died during the night.
The day before my mother passed over I became unwell and was unable to be with her..
While I was resting I had a vision in my minds eye of my mother.
She passed over that night and I know that Spirit sent me a message to let me know that she was going.
I saw her very clearly.
She is still with me and often sends me a message through a medium when i go for a reading.
She recently told me that I should contact my brother because he was going through a rough patch.
When I called him he told me that he had throat cancer and was going for treatment this week
I hope you enjoyed these stories of encounters with the spirit of a loved one from Powered by Intuition readers. If you have a story of your own please do feel free submit it to me.
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Today I have the pleasure of sharing a recorded interview with Julie Beischel, Ph.D., the author of
Dr. Julie Beischel is the co-founder and director of research at the Windbridge Institute, and following the suicide of her mother and an evidential mediumship reading, Dr. Julie Beischel forfeited a potentially lucrative career in the pharmaceutical industry to pursue rigorous scientific research with mediums full-time.
She is currently a member of Parapsychological Association and the Society for Scientific Exploration.
Dr. Beischel has generously offered the gift of a Windbridge Institute membership to one lucky PBI commentor……scroll down to find out how to participate!
You can listen to the two-part audio or read the full transcript below.
Part one:Part two:
Angela: Dr. Beischel welcome. I loved reading your bio. You have such an accomplished background and such a fascinating one especially since you are studying mediumship. It is a pleasure to have you. I reached out to you because of the book that you published in January. “Among Mediums”, and it’s abook that you were gracious enough to send me. I read it and loved it. It was fun because your voice was just so funny. I found myself entertained while I learned a lot as I read it.
Readers of Powered by Intuition would really love to know a bit more about you since you are someone who is leading a way in researching mediumship.
De.Beischel: My Ph.D. is in Pharmacology and Toxicology with some minor in Microbiology and Immunology. While I was in graduate school my mom committed suicide and I went through my normal grieving process and a few years later “The Crossing Over, With John Edwards” show was on TV and that was sort of my first interaction with the medium. (more…)
Can tragedy become an unexpected gift in our lives?
This is a guest post for Powered by Intuition by Jennifer Boykin.
It’s been just over twenty years since I held my newborn daughter Grace while she died.
People will tell you that no one should outlive their child, and they are right. Nobody wants to be a member of the “parents of dead babies club,” but, we are out there. And, having lived through it, I can say – in fact I MUST say – that, if you really, really want it, you CAN find a way through your suffering, no matter what you’ve lost.
But I was ornery enough to insist that settling for just “getting through” that loss would not be enough. I wanted to TRIUMPH over the suffering, because I realized pretty early on that the best way to honor my daughter’s memory was to make it serve some good use.
When you “do your grief work,” you not only serve as a beacon of hope for others, you also uncover deep and lasting reserves of strength and resilience inside yourself. One way or another, your losses will shape you and the way you live the remainder of your days.
That’s because, when it comes to loss, you either Get Bitter. Or, you Get Better.
If you decide that better is better for you, here are some steps you can take to move yourself through your sorrow so that you can harness the amazing transformational power of loss and suffering:
In order to get through loss, you have to be willing to give up your “story.”
Really, really, it is a very dramatic thing to be the parent of a dead child. And there are individuals and even entire communities that will give you unlimited attention for this for the rest of your life.
But, is that really the kind of attention you want? Unless you are willing to give up your story of loss, betrayal, and suffering, you are doomed to carry it forward with you wherever you go. You become defined by your loss. To just the extent that you choose to hold the loss in your heart and mind, to just that extent do you squander the possible moments of joy that would have been available to you. The cost of martyrdom is joy.
In order to get through loss, you have to understand the duality of change.
Endings and beginnings are simply the yin and yang of change. One defines the other. And one can NEVER be present without the other. Thus, if you choose to spend the rest of your days with the love of your life, you “lose” forever the freedoms of your single days. Never again can you just do what you want to do when you want to do it. You trade that freedom for companionship. Loss is intrinsic in every joy that you have ever had.
Indeed, loss is intrinsic in all of life, and yet, as a culture, we seek to deny and avoid loss. Once you understand the futility of expecting a life free of sorrow, you are free to REALLY embrace loving and the absolute breathtaking JOY of LIVING! Sorrow is the bill that comes due for the price of loving. Accept that and you are free.
You can mitigate ANY loss by harnessing its transformative power.
Grief has an energy of its own. It will have its way with you, until it doesn’t. But you can help yourself through. Learn to set boundaries around your suffering. Make appointments with it, in fact, so that you begin to carve out some moments where you focus on reclaiming your joy and your light.
Your losses are going to change you.
What this means is that your losses are going to make new discoveries, new soul-places, new visions available to you that WERE NOT POSSIBLE before the loss. Before my baby died, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And now I do.
Here’s what I know:
• All healing is possible,
• There is joy in loss because loss is borne in love,
• There is transformation in loss because the bereaved has a deeper capacity to love,
• Loss hollows out your soul and,
• You either Get Bitter,
• Or, you Get Better.
• But, you can’t have both.
BECAUSE I am Grace’s mother, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW that life is too short – life is too uncertain – to spend one moment living timidly. We are meant to embrace life, to wrest from it every exquisitely beautiful moment we can, to flower and grow and shape and change and serve those around us.
Still, even the most beautiful blossom has a dormant season. The next time you are suffering, fear it less. Know that this period can be a gift of transformation, if you choose life instead of loss.
The only way out is through. Love yourself gently. Love yourself more fully. Embrace and celebrate the love you feel for others. Yes, there will be suffering when love ends. But only because there was GREAT JOY while it was here.
Has your life been touched by loss? How did you heal? How did it change you? What helpful advice can you share with others about it?
Jennifer Boykin is the Creator of, Life After Tampons. Jennifer has written a free 5-part guide to healing from loss. If you’d like for her to send you the program, please let her know here.
P.S. Learn more about using your intuition click here.
For instant happiness Click here!