3 Ways Fear Keeps You From Succeeding in Life, Career & Sales
Have you ever been frozen in your tracks by fear? Or woken up in the middle of the night because of fear?
Fear keeps you from succeeding in whatever goals you have in life, business, career and in selling your products and services especially if you’re a heart-centered. It stops you cold from living up to your potential and keeps you playing small. And guess what happens next? You’re stuck spinning in the fear not moving toward your goal and losing valuable time in your life.
3 Ways Fear Stops You From Succeeding
1.The trap of fearful thoughts
You know you’ve been hit by a wave of fear when your internal dialogue sounds something like this: “I’m going to fail; I can’t do it; I’m not an expert, I’m not good enough; I’m not perfect enough; I’m a fraud; No one will buy from me; There’s never enough!” Thoughts like these replay in a loop and hold you hostage from taking the right actions to get where you want to go, instead you play small and hide.
2. Negative emotions impair your thinking
Negative Emotions such as fear and anger, angst, anxiety, fright, horror, terror and panic keep you locked in the vortex. The emotions turn on the body’s fight or flight response which is a reaction by the nervous system to threats to survival. These threats can be real or imagined, it doesn’t matter. The fight or flight response releases hormones to prime the body to either run or fight off the threat. Once your body is flooded by stress hormones your thinking is temporarily impaired.
If the stress let’s up in a short period, having impaired higher functions of reason and logical thinking isn’t a major problem. But when negative emotions become a chronic state of being then it becomes a huge problem. If you can’t think or reason properly you’re not going to make rational effective decisions. And without right decisions you won’t take the right action steps so you’re likely to make the situation worse.
3. Painful memories from your past
Old memories of events that triggered similar negative emotions and thoughts are likely to bubble up during fearful times. Remembering times you were scared and afraid you were going to fail only pushes you down further into the vortex. The memories put your habitual negative thoughts and emotions on hyper-drive and the vicious cycle continues.
The most common fears people have are public speaking, sales and speaking up. If you have fear around speaking in front of groups for your job or selling products and services for either your employer or your own company, it will affect your success rate. The fear of speaking up will hold you back from asking for a raise or charging what you’re worth for your own services as well.
Example: Say your top is fear selling. You pick up the phone to call a prospect aware that you’re feeling anxious. The moment you’re aware of feeling anxious your body has already sent a cocktail of stress hormones into your blood stream. The stress hormones impair your higher functions of thinking and communicating, which is why things go south in the sales conversation very quickly!
When you’re afraid you will hear your own thoughts over what the person is saying. When that happens you’re not fully present because you’re focused on what to say next, not on the person you’re in a conversation with. The person senses you’re not really listening and then you sense the disconnect with the prospect. Then you start thinking, “This isn’t going well. I’m not going to be able to do this.” or “Ugh, I hate sales! Why am I doing this?” And then the call crashes and burns which only serves to make you feel worse about yourself and imprint the fear and aversion to selling even more deeply.
You’ve got to learn how to shrink the fear so it stops hijacking your success!
How to stop fear from sabotaging your success in life, career and sales
To beat fear you need to have the tools to deal with it when it strikes. You must create a habit around using these tools to systematically stop the fear from stopping you in your tracks. Try using some of these tool to put fear in its place and reach your potential.
- Breathe. When you feel the fear set in take a moment to focus on your breathing. Taking in 3 – 5 breaths slowly, holding them in for few seconds and releasing them slowly will calm you down.
- Meditate. Learn how to meditate and make a daily practice of doing it. You need to know how to go into a calm state before the fear hits. It’s much harder to meditate when you’re already deeply engulfed in a state of fear and anxiety.
- Journal. Get in touch with your intuitive self and ask for advice. Answer an open ended question such as: What is the first step I can take to handle this situation? You’ll be surprised at how much wisdom pours out of you onto the page.
What’s your favorite tool for handling fear? If you don’t have one which of these tools will you use to deal with fear? Share with us in the comments.
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P.S. If fear is holding you back from success let’s talk. Click here.
There’s a big difference between intuition & wishful thinking. And the differences are maximized to the 10th power when your heart is broken.
Wishful thinking is trying to manifest a particular outcome in which you have very little influence.
You know it’s wishful thinking if you vacillate between faith that it’s going to happen and fear that it won’t. The fear stems from your attachment to the outcome and from not wanting to hear your intuition, which may be telling you otherwise.
When you’re attached to seeing only one outcome you will block your intuition from coming through. No matter how many times you ask for intuitive guidance you’ll find yourself unsure of whether your intuition was saying yes you’ll get back together or if it was just your wishful thinking. (Watch the video at the end about why wishful thinking blocks your intuition).
Don’t confuse wishful thinking for faith
Having faith is when you are confident that things are going to work out for the best and for your highest good, for all parties concerned—no matter what.
You know it’s true faith if you’re able to relinquish the need to control the outcome, meaning you practice non-attachment to how your desire will manifest or even if it will manifest at all. You have faith that a power greater than you knows what it is doing.
Understanding where the confusion comes from
What I’m referring to is what can be most confusing about knowing that we create our reality. So many people think that if they just maintain a positive outlook and visualize and keep seeing that something has worked out the way they desire it, that it will eventually.
The dark side of the Law of Attraction
The good thing about more people knowing about the LOA is that it expanded our collective consciousness to realizing that we can and do create our reality with our thoughts and emotions. The dark side is that many people may be “holding thoughts” believing that this is what you’re supposed to do to make LOA work.
When you “hold thoughts” you focus intently upon one specific outcome without allowing the Universe to provide an even better outcome or what might be in your highest good.
Say your greatest desire is to be reunited with your ex.
Or playing the lottery and hitting it big.
Is there a chance your ex could see the “error of their ways” and return to you? Yes, of course.
Is there a chance you could pick the winning lottery numbers? Yes, of course.
The two key questions though are – is it in your best interest to focus all your attention on trying to force this outcome and can you exert any influence upon the situations you desire to manifest? In other words what recourse do you have, what actions can you take to co-create the future you desire?
Put your efforts into things where you can have an impact
Obsessively trying to win the lottery or on getting someone else to do something is futile. The lottery is a game of chance. Nothing you do can change the odds. Even if you were to sell your house and use the money to buy 350,000 lottery tickets and try 350,000 number combinations there is no guarantee you would win (and people have done that and lost).
Holding thoughts about the return of someone who has broken up with you and moved on is also futile. If the person won’t speak to you, see you, answer your calls or letters and has made it clear that it is over then you are expending all your energy on something that is beyond your control to influence.
If you enter a sweepstakes where the winner is chosen based upon an essay or jingle or slogan you must create then you have an opportunity to take an action that could help you win.
If your ex is speaking to you, going to couples counseling or open to the idea of working things out and will see you then by all means exert every positive effort you can to get back together.
Plus, what other opportunities are you missing and perhaps walking right past that don’t see because you’re focused on holding thoughts about this one thing working out the way you want? The truth is opportunity exists all around us all the time it’s only our perception that limits us from seeing these doorways.
Understanding why we want certain things
If we examine our desire to “win the lottery” we will see that what we truly desire is financial security. If you truly believe you’re lucky there’s no need to obsess about winning, is there? You probably already “win” at things often.
When we are heart-sick over the loss of the love of our lives and continually focus on bringing them back what we really are pining after is “how we felt” when the person was in our lives. We felt “whole and complete.” We believe our happiness will return when this person returns when really what we’re missing is the “feeling” of happiness we had.
“Holding thoughts” holds up our future
When we wish for one outcome so intently we are telling the Universe that we believe we have all the answers. We are broadcasting that we don’t trust the stuff of the Universe to mix and meld properly unless we are in control.
To be overly attached to a single outcome impedes the creative spark of the Universe. Are you not impressed with the way the Universe “engineers” things and delights you with the surprising ways they manifest? Wishing for only this one outcome means that what you will get is likely to be devoid of the “creative spark.”
What is the Creative Spark?
It’s that magical spark that is created when the Universe orchestrates events in our lives. It is an act of creation that is above and beyond our small human control. It is when the Universe pours through us using us as a vessel to create.
It’s the synchronicity of bumping into a person by sheer coincidence at the dog groomer’s and falling madly in love. It’s sitting down at the computer and having an inspired piece of writing come through you. It’s an inspired idea for a business or new service that literally falls from the sky into your mind one day. This is the “creative spark.”
We can never recreate that – it just happens, courtesy of the Universe. It cannot be forced by sheer will. Your will is not creative and it will never be creative. True creativity is channeled through human beings from a higher power, what I refer to as Greater Intelligence. It never comes through using the rational mind or through the use of sheer will. Inspiration or true creativity is communicated to you from Greater Intelligence via your intuition.
Holding thoughts snuffs out the Creative Spark
If you “hold thoughts” about having the love of your life return you might “make it happen” but, like trying to bring back the dead you might end up in soulless zombie-like relationship. A zombie is “soulless” simply because when the witchdoctor brings them back to life they have no soul.
You cannot force your will upon another person, even if you think you’re only working the “laws of attraction” and not holding them by physical force. The act of focusing so intently upon one outcome, especially when it involves another human being, is an act of bondage. Why does a witchdoctor create a zombie in the first place? Because he wants a slave.
When you acquire anything through forcing your will you are creating bondage. Anything you acquire by this method will not be what you had hoped. It will be devoid of soul – devoid of the creative spark of life.
The only way to bring back the love of your life is to completely let them go. If they are meant to return to you they are going to return of their own free will. Only then will you have the happiness you desire.
When we’re attached to one outcome, especially when it involves love we ought to examine why we feel so empty with out this person. We need to look inside and develop self-love, more self worth and confidence. There is nothing outside of us. Everything emanates from within.
If we don’t have enough love for ourselves we will never truly find love outside of ourselves with another person. It will never be enough. We will consume the other person in an attempt to fill the void within ourselves and eventually push the other person away.
Holding thoughts means we aren’t living in the present
When you “hold thoughts” about something happening your aren’t living in the present moment. You’re postponing your happiness until this “thing” happens, whether it is the return of your soul mate or the winning of the lottery.
When you aren’t living in the present moment, you aren’t really living. Examine your desires and if you believe you are attached to a particular outcome and “holding thoughts” about it let them go. One big clue that you are holding thoughts is constant vacillation between faith and fear. One minute your positive you’re getting back together and walking on air and the next minute you’re completely down in the dumps.
Allow the Universe to provide you with your highest good or something better
Focus on the feelings having what you desire would bring to your life such as joy, love and abundance instead of upon one specific outcome. Let the Universe do its job, infuse your future with the “creative spark” and be delighted by the outcome.
You’ll be glad you did!
Watch this video on why wishful thinking blocks your intuition:
Have you ever found yourself stubbornly “holding thoughts?” What outcome were you attached to? How did it turn out?
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P.S. Learn how to tap into your intuition and get the guidance you need: Start here!
Fear is sneaky and has many disguises.
It’s important to recognize the ways fear disguises itself because it can and will sabotage your dreams if you let it.
Take Intuitively Inspired Action
One of the principles I often write about on Powered by Intuition is that of “intuitively inspired action.” Intuitively inspired action is when you act upon a gut feeling or intuitive knowing. The ‘nudge’ to follow a particular path comes from inside as a ‘pull’ you feel toward some choice or decision. This is “intuitively inspired” meaning it comes from our higher knowing, higher self, soul or what we call “intuition.”
When you follow the guidance of your intuition you are led to the choices and decisions that will bring you the greatest success. The pull you get about taking this action come to your awareness because you are ready to take this path. If it were not meant for you there would be no pull toward actually doing it.
This “pull” toward a particular path is how we are directed and guided in life by our higher knowing. To ignore this guidance is like driving by 100 gas stations when you’re lost and never stopping to ask for directions.
The moment you honor the “pull” and take “intuitively inspired action” you course correct and end up on the right road for you.
Fear Sabotages Your Dreams
Fear makes you a hostage to the status quo. It holds you back from taking intuitively inspired action or from carrying it out. It keeps you stuck in your comfort zone where nothing changes. When you are driven by fear you have all kinds of excuses about why you can’t do what you planned to do so you never achieve your dreams of doing great things. You must learn to recognize fear in all its disguises so your dreams won’t slip through your fingers.
The 5 Top Ways Fear Sneaks in to Sabotage Your Dreams
1. Avoidance. Do you avoid doing the things you need to make your dream a reality? Do you send for information but then never read it? Do you sign up for things but never respond when it’s time to confirm? When you keep avoiding what needs to get done opportunities diminish and doors close. Eventually you rationalize that you’ve lost interest in your dream. Avoidance is a disguise for fear of failing.
2. Procrastination. Do you procrastinate? Are you indecisive? Do you put things off and drag out what needs to get done until it’s too late? Miss deadlines? This sabotaging behavior is a disguise for fear of failing too. If you never finish technically you’ll never fail, right? It’s a pretty sneaky way of sabotaging your dream.
3. Overwhelm. Do you take on too much? When you dive headlong into things without mapping out the steps you feel overwhelmed. If this is a pattern in your life you fear there is never enough time. You feel you have to do it ALL right now! When you’re in overwhelm you shut down and nothing gets done. This is a disguise for both fear of failing and fear of success. Either way, getting overwhelmed and shutting down ensures you’ll never fail or succeed.
4. Confusion. Do you find the tasks you need to accomplish confusing? Are you unsure about what outcome you’re working toward? Confusion arises when you don’t have a well thought out plan and jump into things with a half-baked idea. This is a disguise for fear of failing by being left out or left behind by your peer group. It means you constantly compare yourself to others and allow fear to push you into things simply because you see others doing it. Fear of being left out sabotages success simply because you’re not going after a dream because it’s your true desire….you’re going after it because you feel you have to “keep up.”
5. Excuses. Do you make excuses about why you can’t do something? Is the timing wrong? Do you cancel appointments? Are you too busy? Does everything always “cost too much?” Do need to do more research and have more information first? Do you talk yourself out of it saying things like, “Well, it’s probably not all it’s cracked up to be?” Making excuses is a disguise for fear of failing too. Excuses hold you back from starting. When you never start you can never fail.
Do you recognize any of these behaviors? What sneaky way is fear keeping you from getting to your dream?
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P.S. Learn how to take intuitively inspired action in your life! Click here.
Are you a “sensitive” person? Do your fears undermine your confidence, create indecisiveness and lead to inaction?
Not sure if you’re a sensitive or not? There are a number of definitions of a sensitive. Here’s mine from my own experience:
The sensitive person is a highly perceptive person. They are acutely aware of the subtle nuances in their environment and the atmosphere around them. They are all too aware of the feelings of others. Sensitives pick up on cues that many people overlook such as the subtle changes in tone, facial expression and emotions of the people they are with and gain insight and meaning from these subtleties. They empathize deeply with others and not only understand but experience what others are feeling. In other words, they are extremely intuitive.
Being a sensitive person has its pros and cons.
On the pro side I believe that perceiving so many more layers to reality than meets the physical eye contributes to creativity and imagination. It’s also extremely useful when sizing up a person or situation. You gain insight quickly due to this extended sense of awareness.
One of the major cons I have found from my own life experience is that having a sense that isn’t often shared by others has made me feel odd and misunderstood at times especially, by my family.
When I was a child I was deathly afraid of the dark and for good reason. I saw and heard things that frightened me that my parents assured me were not there. No matter how hard I tried to convince them that what I saw was real they attributed it to shadows in the dark and insisted it was just my imagination.
Even if you didn’t perceive other realms of existence but grew up highly sensitive and quite open to sensing the emotions of the people around you that too might have made you feel odd and misunderstood for claiming to know things that you, according to other people, couldn’t possibly know. For example you might have sensed that the neighbor across the street was someone to be avoided. You “knew” he was ill intentioned even if, thankfully, nothing ever happened to prove you right.
The thing is that when you are a sensitive and picking up on things that others do not perceive, unless your perceptions are supported, you grow up convinced that you cannot and should not trust your own senses. This erodes your confidence in being able to trust yourself to make decisions. After all, everybody says that what you perceive isn’t real so you must be crazy or odd, right? That is what happened in my case and what I refer to as “sensitive person’s syndrome.”
If you were continually told that you were being “too sensitive” all the time or that it was “all in your imagination” by the authority figures in your life you might have decided that it was wrong to trust your instincts. And, of course by instincts I mean intuition. This would have set you up for lifetime of feeling fearful, indecisive and and or resorting to inaction when faced with having to make an important decision.
“Sensitive persons syndrome” could also translate to a fear of authority, a fear of being in a position of authority (for fear of being wrong) and a fear of taking responsibility for yourself and your decisions. The fear of making a decision or taking responsibility undermines confidence. The result is a constant second guessing your decision and changing your mind from one minute to the next, followed by doing nothing because you are so fearful of being wrong.
There is a way out of this syndrome though so read on.
Here’s a guide for the sensitive person on how to overcome fear, indecision and inaction once and for all:
1. Believe in yourself. The first step is to begin to believe in what you perceive – even if others do not. You are not crazy nor do you have an “over-active” imagination. There is so much more to reality than most people perceive. You just happen to have a more expansive experience of the world around you than most.
2. Stop trying to fit in with the crowd. The more you try to act as if you are what other people might call “normal” the more extreme your “sensitive person’s syndrome” will become. You learned at an early age it wasn’t safe for you to share your perceptions/intuitiveness with others. Your friends or family mocked or shamed you so you learned to protect yourself by hiding your sensitivity. Try to limit the time you spend around such people as much as possible.
3. Find like-minded people to hang out with. It is so important to be around other “sensitives.” For the most part I believe that “sensitives” are “intuitives.” Join a community, club, or meet up of other sensitives/intuitives where you can experience truly being yourself without any fear. For example, the Powered by Intuition comments section and FB page is a safe haven for intuitives to interact with one another.
4. Embrace your sensitivity. Your greatest attribute is your sensitive soul so show it some TLC. Be thankful for your heightened sense of awareness and the information it supplies about your environment. The more you accept this part of yourself the more comfortable you will be in your own skin and the easier it will become to make decisions. The indecisiveness from second guessing yourself will lessen. And so will the resulting inaction. It’s the pushing away of this sensitivity that has made making decisions a nightmare for you.
5. Develop your intuition. Believe it or not this is what has helped me the most. The more you develop your intuition the more confident you will become. Each time you trust your instincts/intuition to make a decision and it turns out well you will become more confident. And, the more confident you are the easier it will be to trust what you perceive the next time and the time after that when making decisions. Developing your intuition is about learning to trust those whispers within and honoring the information your finely tuned perceptions gift you with.
An easy way to begin to honor your sensitivity and heighten your intuition is to listen to a guided meditation that takes you by the hand and shows you what trusting these whispers feels like. The Intuition Principle Guided meditations do just that.
After all, you wouldn’t have this sensitivity if you weren’t meant to use it. So use it and be proud of it!
Are you a “sensitive?” How has it affected your life? Has fear, indecisiveness or inaction been a problem for you?
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P.S. Here are some more great tools to help you develop your intuition. Click here!
Photo: © solominviktor – Fotolia.com
Today I’m answering more questions from the Powered by Intuition mailbox on how to tell the difference between your intuition, a superstition and a suspicion.
This is an answer to several questions I received recently all rolled into one since they were very similar.
Several readers have written asking how to know the difference between their Intuition and their suspicions.
This is an excellent question. First off, let me say that many times there is no difference. Your suspicions may originate with an intuitive hunch about something. If you read my book, The Intuition Primer, you will recall I wrote about a suspicious incident that led me to call the police (I won’t spoil it for those of you who haven’t read it yet and tell you what the incident was). When the criminals were apprehended my suspicions were confirmed. In this case – my suspicion and my intuition were one and the same.
There are a lot of times however, that your mind works overtime. When you are worried or fearful you may also become suspicious. The way to tell the difference is to ask yourself am I a suspicious person? Do I worry incessantly? (Be honest!)
If so, you may be the type of person that worries all the time and creates suspicions out of your own fears and imagination.
Jealousy and the cheating spouse
One of the questions I got pertained to a cheating spouse. The writer wanted to know if she was just creating these suspicions by being jealous or were they real.
If you are jealous by nature then, yes, you may always feel suspicious. There’s also the point of view that if you are jealous you will attract a person into your life that gives you something to be suspicious about. Think on that for a while.
But, if you aren’t a wildly jealous person to know the difference between your suspicions and intuition think back to when you first became suspicious. If things were good and it was a particular incident that raised your “antennae” which caused you to start feeling suspicious you should take it seriously. I wrote an entire article on intuition and cheating significant others that you can read for more detail.
Again, you have to be honest with yourself. We always “know” when we “know” something. We hear the whispers and just know in our gut that it is the truth. Ask yourself if you have this “knowing?”
If you know yourself to be the jealous type you will probably find that the “FEAR” of his/her cheating on you was in your consciousness to begin with. Fear is always to blame when we get confused about “was it intuition or just a suspicion?”
Superstition and spirit activity
Another reader asks if there is anything to superstitions such as those about haunted houses? He asked this question because his sister and her husband bought an old house that people in town refer to as “haunted.” His sister’s family has felt nothing but he is a “sensitive” and feels the presence of “something” when he visits. He wanted to know if he was just reacting to the “superstition” or was his intuition really picking up on spirit activity?
In this case, I would say that it could go either way. Have you felt the presence of spirit energy elsewhere before? Does this feel similar? You have to go back and compare and contrast what you are feeling now with what you felt in the past.
Also, the less you know about who the superstition says is “haunting” the place the better. What you can do is relax and go into a state of meditation and ask, “Who is there?” See what comes to mind. Keep asking questions until you feel you have a description of whose energy you may be picking up on then do some research into the history of the home.
If you come up with the same energy/deceased people that legend says is in the house (without previously having this information) I would say you are picking up on something real.
If you are the fearful type (there’s that FEAR word again) then your mind may be playing tricks on you. Go back and review when you sensed the presence. Was there a specific moment? What happened? How did you feel?
If you were thinking about a presence before you went there and had fears about running into a spirit you may have “conjured” up the entire incident. When things are “real” they happen spontaneously. We aren’t dwelling upon them and the awareness of a spirit presence comes out of the blue unexpectedly.
I hope this helps. All the best visiting your sister for the holidays.
Have you ever been confused by intuition, superstition or suspicion? Ask your question in the comments and I will reply.
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