“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” —Nelson Mandela
by Rob Ragozzine
How can you play BIG in your life?
How can you step into your own inner authority?
Numerology is one way for you to play big and recognize your strengths. It allows you to see patterns and themes that are normally hidden and simply seen as fate, luck or accident. But, you can utilize Numerology to lead a happier and more expansive life. You can start utilizing the benefits of Numerology by noticing the overall theme of the current year.
In Numerology each year is part of an ongoing 9-year cycle, and each year has a distinct theme, such as beginnings or endings, and brings new opportunities and possibilities into your life. I’m often asked how to best take advantage of the options and choices available in a new year. One of the best ways is to simply be mindful and open, so you can work with the theme and energy of the year, rather than struggling against them.
When you ‘re able to see and work with the potential available within a particular year, rather than being caught in a struggle and trying to swim upstream, you’ll be better prepared to move with the flow and more easily make any needed decision, change or transition. This means you will want to understand the prevalent Numerological themes for the year and work with them in your own life. The overall theme for the year is described by the Universal Year number, which provides details about how the year will look. This number influences everyone and there is also a Personal Year number, which only influences you.
The Universal Year number for 2014 is 7
In general, each number relates to particular characteristics. The number 1 relates to beginnings, while the number 7 relates to strategy and insight. As a Universal Year of 7, 2014 provides space and time for remembering, patience, reflection and reviewing your life. 2013 has been a Universal Year of 6, which involved compassion, care and support. This year many of us have felt the urge for greater self-care, and inner and outer support. Now, 2014 allows us the chance to settle down and look within.
How can you settle down? You can begin by finding ways to witness yourself, and develop a curiosity about the mystery of your own life. Curiosity helps you to remain open to your possibilities, but it also helps you to find meaning and value in your life. Be curious about the needs of your heart. It’s likely that you already know what your heart is yearning for. Are you willing to pursue it? Deep inside you have probably long felt a pull toward a certain direction or decision. Your decisions can bring incredible shifts, change and transformation, if you’re willing to listen to your own inner guidance.
Settling down and stepping out of the noise and static of everyday life will aid you at this time. Having a mindfulness, centering or meditative practice will help you to find calm and allow you to more deeply connect with your heart. Again, be curious and be willing to ask important personal questions that can aid in your reflection.
Some questions you might like to reflect with:
Am I still moving in my desired direction?
What would I like to create?
What divinatory tools might I use in my own reflection?
How do my choices allow me to step forward?
How am I holding myself back?
What have I been delaying?
Where can I find the help I need?
What has my heart been yearning for?
As we enter 2014 you can best aid your own transition by spending time in personal observation and reflection. Use whatever tools work best for you. The questions above will help, but you will also wish to mindfully observe yourself, take up yoga, or start keeping a journal. Simply know that now is an ideal time to remember and act on what’s important to you. These tools, and others, can help you to slow down and notice yourself and your heart. Focus on connecting with your heart and the yearning within it.
Be aware of the things you’ve been holding off. You only have this moment. What have you been delaying until the time is right? By delaying your choices, you’ve been denying your power and living in a diminished capacity. However, this process is not about labeling yourself as right or wrong. It’s also not about guilt or shame. It’s simply about acknowledging your creativity, passion and courage. It’s about waking up to your life. And, it’s understanding that we’re all creative, and your creativity can help your life to unfold in ways you haven’t thought of.
Many of us tend to get trapped or locked in an egocentric view of the world, which is limited and constricting. We get caught up in worry, competition and control. Letting this mode of living go, and living from your heart, is a way in which you can open your life up to new possibilities and situations you might not have even been aware of before.
Have value for your life and no longer willingly being dismissive of your heart or your aspirations. You are unique. Your heart offers particular guidance, because of your gifts and your individuality. Your decisions and actions can help you to heal and inspire others. As we all decide to follow our hearts, we can inspire others who can then move on to make their own shifts and changes and these changes can then can bring transformation to individual communities and ultimately the world.
It starts with you. You have purpose.
Your mission begins by following your heart and living an expansive and courageous life.
Use the tools that speak to you so that you can bring mindfulness and awareness into your own life.
Spend time reflecting and rediscover who you feel you truly are.
You can work with Numerology to develop a deeper understanding of your life, needs and desires. Together, we can work your chart to help you see your own personal themes and patterns. We can review the energy available during this year and look to see how it matches the energy of your Personal Year. Working in depth with Numerology will allow you to live on purpose, and be expansive, expressive and creative.
What questions do you have for Rob? Use the comment section to share your questions, thoughts and experience with numerology.
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P.S. Now is a great time to make a resolution to develop your intuition: Click here for sale pricing!
Rob Ragozzine hosts a weekly show, Your Unfolding Senses on www.AwakenedRadio.net where he discusses developing your intuition. He guides you in discovering your own abilities and helps you find tools for growth and healing that work best for you. Find him at: Intuition by Rob
75 Great Inspirational Quotes
Like most people I love quotes. Whenever I find one that inspires me I save it. I hope you find a few here that inspire you live up to your full potential too!
1. “Most people are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters, and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined path: no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path.” –Hermann Hesse
2. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” –William Shakespeare, Hamlet
3. “Make sure you are doing what God wants you to do then do it with all your strength.” –George Washington
4. “Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances. ” –Maya Angelou
5. “If you want to be great and successful, choose people who are great and successful and walk side by side with them.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
6. “Use things, not people. Love people, not things.” –Author Unknown
7. “Before making a decision, ask inside for guidance. Be patient and await an answer. Act only when you feel calm and certain.” –Deepak Chopra
8. “Forgiveness is another word for letting go. –Matthew Fox
9. “Remember when you see a man at the top of a mountain, he didn’t fall there.” –Unknown
10. “At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
11. “Change is inevitable; growth is optional. – Unknown
12. “Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” –Richard Bach
13. “I’m a Feather on the Breath of God.” Flowing where I can best be used in service to my calling.” –Oprah
14. “Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.” –J.Goethe
15. “Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision. –Hsi-Tang
16. “You cannot truly know the meaning of your life until you are know the one who created you.” –Shri Mataji
17. “Every man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds… Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
18. “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
19. I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk. – Tony Robbins
20. “What you get by achieving your goals is to as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” – Henry David Thoreau
21. “The best way to predict the future is to invent it.” — Alan Kay
22. “Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. For boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.” –Goethe
23. “I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted” — Jack Kerouac
24. “Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.” –Rumi
25. “The door you open to give love is the very one through which love arrives.” –Alan Cohen
26. “Meditation is to be aware of every thought and of every feeling, never to say it is right or wrong but just to watch it…” – Krishnamurti
27. “If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.” –Jean Paul Sartre
28. “The next thing you think, the next action you take, will either create a new possibility for you, or it will repeat the past.” –Deepak Chopra
29. “Many failures are people who didn’t realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” –Thomas Edison
30. “You can decide to stop being affected by the outer world and, instead, to affect the world around with your peace.” –Orin
31. “If you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work.” — Kahlil Gibran
32. “Our life is frittered away by detail… Simplify, simplify, simplify!” — Henry David Thoreau
33. “I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
34. “All the elements for your happiness are already here. There’s no need to run, strive, search or struggle. Just be.” –Thich Nhat Hanh
35. “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” — Toni Morrison
36. “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell and a hell of a heaven.” — John Milton
37. “There is no way to transform the world other than transforming yourself.” – Deepak Chopra
38. “Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.” –Danny Kaye
39. “Power over others is weakness designed as strength. True power is within, and it is available to you now.” –Eckart Tolle
40. “Today I live in the quiet, joyous expectation of good.” –Ernest Holmes
41. “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” –Eckhart Tolle
42. “The most astonishing thing about miracles is they happen.” –Wayne Dyer
43. “Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.” — Eckhart Tolle
44. “When you carry yesterday’s thinking into today, you program tomorrow to be like yesterday.” –Marianne Williamson
45. “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” –Rumi
46. “The cosmos is structured to bring about growth, and growth is always in the direction of greater love and happiness.” –Deepak Chopra
47. “There is no paycheck that can equal the feeling of contentment that comes from being the person you are meant to be.” –Oprah Winfrey
48. “Help other people get what they want ~ and you’ll get what you want.” –Mary Kay Ash
49. “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” — Buddha
“A light heart lives long.” — William Shakespeare
50. “Honor your challenges, for those spaces that you label as dark are actually there to bring you more light, to strengthen you.” –Sanaya Roman
51. “Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto!” –Dale Carnegie
52. “The universe is conspiring at this moment to bring you happiness and peace.” –Marianne Williamson
53. “When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. This is enlightenment.” — Eckhart Tolle
54. “Start the day with LOVE. Fill the day with LOVE. End the day with LOVE… That is the way to God.” –Sai Baba
55. “Learn to see God in all people. When you begin to feel your oneness with every human being, you will know what divine love is.” –Paramhansa Yogananda
56. “Beauty is how you feel inside, & it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” –Sophia Loren
57. “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only robs today of its joy.” — Leo Buscaglia
58. “There is only one moment in time when it is necessary to awaken. That moment is now.” — Buddha
59. “Don’t push the river. Let the river come to you.” –Zen Saying
60. “The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.” –Oprah
61. “He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.” –Confucius
62. “I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.” –Wayne Dyer
63. “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” –Marianne Williamson
64. “There is a wisdom of the head, and… a wisdom of the heart.” –Charles Dickens
65. “The door to my heart opens inwards. I move through forgiveness to love.” — Louise Hay
66. “Do what is healing to your spirit, and without effort you will bring the world healing in return.” — Alan Cohen
67. “A mind once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” –Oliver Wendell Holmes
68. “In contracted awareness problems appear. In expanded awareness solutions appear. In pure awareness creative opportunities appear. –Deepak Chopra
69. ‘Let the waters settle, you will see stars and moon mirrored in your being.” –Rumi
70. “If you want to find the secrets of the Universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” –Nikola Tesla
71. “Other people and what they think of you … has very little to do with what you are.” — Abraham-Hicks
72. “The forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good.” — Catherine Ponder
73. When a person achieves a certain level of consciousness, whatever he or she intends begins to happen. –Deepak Chopra
74. “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” — Maya Angelou
75. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” –Marianne Williamson
Did you find some quotes that inspired you? Which ones were your favorites and why? Share with us.
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“Your life is a reflection of your assumptions.” –Noah St. John
This is an interview with Noah St. John about his new book,“The Book of Afformations.”
If affirmations haven’t worked try “Afformations” instead.
Afformations are positive questions that spur the subconscious mind to search out and create the reality you desire based on supplying the answers to these questions, or “afformations.”
1. Can you explain the difference between an “afformation” and an “affirmation?
An affirmation is a positive statement of something you would like to be true in your life.
For example, a classic affirmation is, “I am rich.”
The problem is, when most people say “I am rich”, the very next though in their brain is, “Yeah, right!”
The problem is that most people don’t believe the positive statements they’re saying.
That’s why I invented Afformations, which are empowering questions that activate your brain’s embedded presupposition factor – which means that when you ask a question, your brain is wired to start searching for the answers.
Editor’s note: Instead of using the affirmation “I am a rich,” here’s an example of an afformation: “Why do I allow myself to be as wealthy as I’ve always wanted ?”
2. What is it and why do most people have “success anorexia?”
Success anorexia is a condition that causes people to starve themselves of success. Symptoms of success anorexia include self-sabotage, holding yourself back from success, and driving down the road of life with one foot on the brake.
3. Why are Afformations the “missing piece to an abundant lifestyle?” Will they cure “success anorexia?”
I discovered Afformations on the morning April 24, 1997 in The Shower That Changed Everything when I asked myself a simple question that changed my life…
“Why are we going around saying statements we don’t believe, when the human mind automatically responds to something even more powerful?”
That’s when I invented Afformations – empowering questions that immediately change your subconscious thought patterns from negative to positive.
I think the people who will benefit most from The Book of Afformations are the people who have already spent lots of money on every self-help or “money-making” program out there… but still feel stuck.
That’s because Afformations have helped over 250,000 people in 178 countries to make more money, lose weight, improve relationships, and find peace of mind faster, easier, and with far less effort.
4. How has using Afformations affected your own life? Can you give us some examples of its benefits?
Thousands of people have written to me from around the world, thanking me for giving them “the missing piece” and the “secret sauce” to an abundant lifestyle.
While I couldn’t pick one single story out of the thousands, one of my favorite real-life Afformations success stories comes from Susan, who came to us “penniless” (her word) and $56,000 in credit card debt. She had also spent tens of thousands of dollars on every “self-help” program out there, but was definitely struggling.
She heard about Afformations from a friend and decided to try it. In less than 6 months, Susan had found a job as a TV producer for a national television show, had built a six-figure income, and has just finished writing her first book.
We also have stories of people who have used Afformations to find the love of their lives, grow their business, get more clients, and find freedom and happiness.
5. What impact will following the Afformations System of: Ask, Afform, Accept & Act have on readers’ lives? Should readers expect to see changes in their lives and if so, how quickly?
Afformations aren’t magic; they’re science. The irony of Afformations is that every person on Earth is already using Afformations – they just don’t realize they’re doing it.
Also, many people are skeptical of “self-help” teachings because they’ve spent lots of money on other programs that haven’t produced the results they were hoping for.
For example, Brandon was an insurance salesman from Salt Lake City. He had spent over $30,000 on every self-help program under the sun… but he was still stuck, broke, and making less than $1,500 a month.
After he heard about Afformations from a friend, Brandon decided to try it – even though he was very skeptical. But the results were amazing. In the first 30 days of using Afformations, Brandon’s sales tripled.
And by the end of the year, his income had increased more than 560% over the previous year.
Have you tried affirmations? What were your results? Are you willing to try afformations instead?
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Author Bio: Noah St. John is a personal development expert and the author of “The Book of Afformations.” Check out his book and get a bonus chapter of his book here.
Alex has put together a collection of stories from many writers around the theme of “letting go.”
I read the book and found it very uplifting. One of the best reasons to read the book is to see that you are not alone. Everyone will go through a dark night of the soul at one point in life because that is how we grow and learn to handle problems.
If you need some inspiration I recommend it.
Alex, what gave you the idea for the book?
10 years ago it was clear that I had to let go of fear, shame and guilt if my marriage was going to survive.
For the first 18 years of my marriage, I was insecure, thinking that my wife, Mary Beth, was going to leave me. My obsession put pressure on her to tell me constantly, and show me, that she loved me.
My insecurities were born back in my childhood. As a child of an alcohol parent, I thought I was the reason my mother drank – I thought it was my fault and I thought it was impossible to be loved authentically and unconditionally.
To save my marriage, I had to start learning to let go of these negative attachments and embrace the life in front of me. By letting go of the pain, shame and guilt a little at a time, Mary Beth started seeing the positive changes in me.
Last June, we celebrated our 28th anniversary. We’ve never been happier – I’ve never been happier.
So, the inspiration behind this book is to celebrate the amazing and life-changing gifts that letting go provides.
Who should read the book?
25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender is for anyone who wants to put a painful memory or experience in the past. It’s also for people who are holding on too tightly to their children, even though it may be time to let them go.
The book doesn’t offer a formula or guide for letting go, it just offers the inspiration and encouragement needed to begin the process.
I also think there is value in reading about the experience of others so you won’t feel alone with how your experiences. The stories in the book will elicit an emotional response because each one is filled with honesty, truth and hope.
Do you share a “true story?”
My story appears in Part Four – Letting Go: Parenting. The title of the story is World – I Present My Daughter.
It’s about the day my older daughter, Caitlin, graduated from college. That day was full of so much pride and happiness. It was also a bittersweet day because I knew my daughter belonged to the world now, and not just to my family.
Even though her mother and I have always encouraged her to make a life of her own, when that day actually came, it was harder than I thought. But by realizing I had to let go, allowed Caitlin and me to begin building a wonderful adult relationship that is growing stronger each day.
What bonuses are you offering people who purchase your book?
I’m happy to give everyone who purchases Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender, the Peace and Balance Book Bonus Pack. This bonus pack provides 10 free tools from some inspirational people. Highlights include:
- Guy Finely: You will receive Guy’s popular course, Seven Steps to Oneness: Journey to a Whole New Life, which is a FREE 8-hour course on 8 MP3 downloads. During this groundbreaking audio program you will discover, explore, and learn to work with timeless principles that will help you to empower the evolution of your soul.
- Tiny Buddha: Book purchasers will get Lori Deschene’s Tiny Wisdom, On Mindfulness. Part of the Tiny Wisdom eBook series from tinybuddha.com, this book shares 20 short reminders for a more present, peaceful life.
- Andrea Owen: Andrea shares her book, How I Turned My Mess into My Message, detailing exactly how she came from a place of darkness, despair and self-loathing, to a place of happiness, self-confidence and self-love.
How does someone receive the Peace and Balance Book Bonus Pack?
It’s easy. Simply email the Amazon purchase confirmation email to: email@example.com.
How is your book different from the thousands of other self-help books on the market?
As I mentioned earlier, this book isn’t intended to be a how-to guide or a self-help manual full of obvious advice, it’s a transparent, and sometimes raw, look at real-life experiences that have nudged people to let go of negative attachments that were no longer serving them.
I think there’s value, and a sense of connectedness when we discover that we aren’t walking alone.
What’s next for you?
I will continue learning how to let go of the things that keep me from enjoying life to the fullest. It’s a daily choice to do this. Some days I stumble and hold on to the garage a little too tight; and on some days I throw it as far away from me as I can, but on all days I attempt to move forward with dignity, self-respect and lots of hope.
I will also continue to share inspiration at my blog, The BridgeMaker.
As far as my next book? It will be fiction, a novel, but a novel with message that is rooted in the themes that most important to me like forgiveness, seeking positive change and of course, letting go.
What challenges are you currently facing in life? Can you see how letting go of what is out of your control could help you to experience more peace?
If you enjoyed this post please share it with a friend on Twitter, FB or Google+. Thanks!
P.S. Open up to guidance from your intuition when times are tough. Find our more: Click here.
Alex Blackwell is an author and founder of The Bridgemaker. Visit his Letting Go promotions page to see all the great bonuses he is giving if you buy the book: here. To get your bonuses just email the receipt to him (here: firstname.lastname@example.org) and he will send your bonus pack right out.
My name is Alex Blackwell and I’m the founder of The BridgeMaker. I’m excited to introduce you to the site and share a little about myself, the community, and The BridgeMaker’s mission.
On the brink of divorce several years ago, I needed to make a few changes within myself before my life could change.
Knowing creating positive change was necessary, I started down the path of learning how to appreciate exactly what I have.
The articles you’ll read here are inspired by my journey and touch on the themes of forgiveness, faith, happiness, change, motivation, gratitude and letting go. You will also read articles about the amazing power of love and relationships.
And there’s inspiration when you need it on the Inspiring Things page – videos, quotes, photos and more.
The BridgeMaker’s Mission
The BridgeMaker connects people who are looking to find faith, share inspiration and celebrate personal change.
– See more at: http://www.thebridgemaker.com/welcome-amazing-readers/#sthash.N3HNA1ow.dpuf
What are your beliefs about being a “nice person?”
A desire to be nice drives many of us to be people pleasers.
It can be hard to know where true nice ends and being a DoorMat begins. Many people have great misconceptions about what nice behavior is or they call themselves nice for the wrong reasons. The people pleasing kind of “nice” behavior often makes you unhappy, angry or frustrated when people aren’t “nice” back. When I was a DoorMat, I made everyone more important than me. Looking back, I was rarely happy inside. I took crumbs people threw me instead of getting what I really wanted.
The idea of being a nice person has been getting a negative rap.
Pop celebrities like Kim Kardashian complain that being nice hurts them. Popular books, like Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, advise suppressing your desire to be nice in order to succeed. And of course Leo Durocher’s quote, “Nice guys finish last,” gets repeated over and over as a lament about why people need to get tougher, more aggressive, and less giving if they want to get their needs met and advance more in the workplace and in life.
People equate being “nice” with being seen as weak and unattractive.
Those who consider themselves “nice” may feel used, taken for granted or unappreciated. But none of those beliefs are true! When I recognized the true meaning of nice, I got a lot more and my happiness blossomed. I want to clear up 10 common misconceptions about what nice is and isn’t so that more nice people can finish first. Then you can redefine “nice” in a way that empowers you. Here are 10 common beliefs about being nice that just aren’t true!
Nice means helping everyone and being agreeable all the time, whether you want to or not.
Wrong! Nice does NOT mean doing favors indiscriminately or always being agreeable. There’s a big difference between being a nice person and being a people pleaser. True nice means considerate, respectful, and helping others selectively when it doesn’t hurt or inconvenience you badly. People pleasers try too hard to please, putting everyone before their own well-being or needs. You can be kind and friendly without giving yourself away to everyone who wants something.
It’s not nice to say “no.”
Wrong! What’s not nice is to say “no” to yourself in order to say “yes” to others. It’s nice to do favors when you can, not at the expense of your own needs or sacrificing yourself for the sake of everyone. Empowered nice people understand that saying “no” to what you don’t want to do says “yes” to your preferences. And you have a right to that!
It’s nice to try to go along with what others want.
Wrong! It’s not nice to put what you want to do on the back burner to please others. I used to cancel plans to accommodate others and tried to ignore that nobody did that for me. Good relationships are built on compromising so everyone has their way sometimes. Empowered nice people make their desires known and expect to get them met at least sometimes. It’s nice to have an equal say in the restaurant or movie to go to or other decisions that affect you.
Nice people should try to please everyone.
Wrong! Hello! That’s not nice! It’s buying friends with favors. It’s not nice when giving is a one-way street and you’re going the wrong way. Empowered nice people help and do favors on an individual basis, depending on what works for you and who the person is. Pleasing people should feel good, not make you feel used or taken for granted. The more you nourish yourself, the more energy you have to give to others.
God wants me to be as nice as possible to everyone.
I have a strong spiritual core and believed God wanted me to please everyone. But, I left out the most important person—me! When you try to be good to everyone, YOU should be included. We often forget ourselves and neglect our needs in pursuit of being “nice.” Spiritual doesn’t mean sacrificing for anyone who wants something while leaving yourself out. God wants you to be good to YOU too!. Find a balance between giving to others and getting your needs met too. Now that I’m no longer a DoorMat, I love to help when possible to be kind, not to score points or have it returned. And I’m nice to me too!
It’s important to be liked by everyone.
Wrong! There’s nothing nice about you being unhappy, no matter how many are happy as a result of your sacrifice. It’s impossible to make everyone like you. And buying people with favors doesn’t mean they like you. They may just like the perks of keeping you around. Empowered nice people know when you’re kind but set boundaries on what you can do, you find out who likes you for you! Those people are the keepers.
It’s nice to be modest.
Wrong! It’s not nice to belittle yourself or negate compliments or avoid sharing what you’re proud of to build others up. Owning your accomplishments increases self-esteem. That doesn’t mean overtly bragging, which does get annoying. Many of us were taught to downplay our victories and shrug off compliments instead of acknowledging them. Empowered nice people know that when you just say “thank you” and nothing more when receiving praise and express pride about your successes and wonderful qualities, confidence increases.
It’s nicer to keep the peace than to risk an argument.
Wrong! Keeping quiet about things that bother you is not nice because it can stir up anger, frustration and other negative emotions that hurt you. Silence tells people what they’re doing is okay when it’s not. Empowered nice people know you should and can be heard by speaking your mind in a considerate, friendly and straightforward manner. If you keep your emotions in check and gently explain how you feel, it shouldn’t erupt into an argument.
Nice people get passed over for romance.
People pleasers turn people off. Nice people with confidence don’t. People often try to please because they don’t feel good about themselves. Self-proclaimed “nice guys” say they go out of their way to be nice and it doesn’t work. An overly accommodating attitude says you don’t feel good about yourself and it screams insecurity. Being with someone who’s bending over backwards to please, creates pressure to reciprocate. If you live up to the true definition of nice, you’ll make a better impression. Don’t try so hard to please. Be courteous and confident and you’ll prove that true nice can be attractive.
Nice people finish last.
People pleasers/DoorMats finish last. They think they’re nice but get upset when they feel they don’t get back for all they give and believe they must do a 180 and become tough and aggressive in order to succeed. Empowered nice people know that people pleasing is not nice and you should give when you want to, not because it’s expected or you want something in return. When you’re courteous, respectful, confident and set boundaries for how much you can give, you can be a nice person who finishes first.
Let go of those myths about what nice behavior is and do your best to be considerate, friendly, respectful and give with boundaries. That helps you become an empowered nice person. People will both like you and take you seriously. That helps you to be the best person you can be! And it allows you to be happier because you’ll like the person you are and people will respect you more.
Were you under any of these misconceptions about being “nice?” What will you change after reading this article? Have questions for Daylle?
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P.S. It’s official! “The Intuition Answer Book” is an Amazon best seller. Check it out – click here.
Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a self-empowerment counselor, speaker, author of 13 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First and founder of The Self-Love Movement™. She is giving her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways away for free. Click here to get your copy. She also writes the blog, Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat . Daylle has been on 500+ TV and radio shows, including Oprah and Good Morning America and quoted in dozens of publications, including The New York Times. Visit Daylle’s webesite and subscribe at www.Daylle.com
“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” –Roy Disney
Your life is the result of your previous choices and decisions. Poor choices lead to bad decisions, which result in the mistakes we look back on and regret. The way to avoid making mistakes is to become a better decision maker.
But, how do you learn to apply proper decision making using both reason and intuition to your own life, to the little decisions and big decisions that ultimately shape your life? I was never taught this and the first half of my life was fraught with mistakes. Through trial and error and study I have learned how to handle challenging decisions. And, you can too.
The anatomy of a difficult decision
Say, you’re offered a job and it sounds great but, there’s a tiny niggling of doubt that holds you back from saying yes. You’re under pressure to give your decision – what do you do? Or perhaps you’re in a quandary over choosing the right life partner, business partner or whether to sell your home and move across country? How do you make these difficult decisions that affect the rest of your life?
Whatever the decision, there is a way to cut the stress, decipher the doubt and unearth the decision that is right for you using both reason and intuition in this intuitive decision making model.
You won’t make a proper decision unless you examine what makes you tick. Each of us is different and has a unique set of values and needs that our decisions must satisfy.
What are your values?
What’s important to you? What do you need to be happy? Is financial security the most important thing to you? Is climbing the corporate ladder and increasing your status an important factor in your overall happiness? Are you motivated by fame and celebrity? Or, is it love and emotional intimacy? Do you need freedom and the call of adventure to be happy? Maybe spiritual growth tops your list?
(If you’re unclear what your values are The Self Improvement Blog has an enormous list of 400 that you can review. Pick out 20 top values and then whittle the list down to your top 5. These are the values that should motivate and guide your decisions.)
What vision for your life do you aspire to?
Each of us has a “vision” for our lives. My vision is to write, publish and teach people how to “speak intuition” so that they make the right decisions and live up to their full potential. Anything I do has to work toward upholding this overarching vision for my life.
What’s your vision? Craft one sentence that encompasses your life’s vision.
Understanding your values and vision puts your decisions in context within this framework so, don’t skip this step. Your values and vision drive your decision-making and the trajectory your life takes. They should be the structure on which your life is built – in the same way that the skeleton is the framework to the body.
Follow these steps to come to a proper decision using reason & intuition:
1. Review whether the choice aligns with your values. Does it uphold them? If yes, fine. If not, go over your values. Did you choose the right values to begin with or are you making the wrong choice for the wrong reasons?
2. Ask yourself if this choice advances you in the direction of your vision? Or, does it take you away from it? If yes fine. If not, then why are you do it? Think hard about this.
3. Review the facts. What do you know? What don’t you know? Whom do you know with experience in this area? Can you speak to them about their experience? Would researching this issue reveal useful information that would help you to make a choice? Do your research.
4. Make a Pros and Cons list regarding this choice. Which is most convincing the pros or the cons list?
Decide if these four steps are enough to make the decision. If you feel completely confident and free of doubt go ahead and make your decision If not, go to the next steps where you will tap into your intuition.
5. “Live” both options. Imagine for a moment that you could fast forward to the future and review the outcome of your decision between two choices or, to either follow through with a particular decision or not.
Close your eyes and imagine that you see before you two doors; one has a sign with a large number “one” on it and the other a number “two” on it. Assign a choice to each door. Walk through door number one and imagine that you had taken that road.
Go through the entire sequence of events in your mind from start to finish. You chose this path, and then what? And, what comes after that and after that? And, how does it end up? What does your life look like after you’ve chosen “door number one.”
Do the same with the second door. Step through the door and “live” out that decision in your imagination to it’s conclusion.
Which outcome affects your life most positively? Which outcome stands out most to you and “feels” right?
Still not sure about your decision? Go to Step 5.
5. Detach emotionally from the decision. Look from outside your own perspective. Ask yourself this, “If this weren’t my decision but, a close friend’s what would I tell them to do? How would I advise them? Does it benefit them? How?”
Have a convincing imaginary conversation with your friend and clearly explain why or why they shouldn’t make this decision.
Can you make a decision now? No? Proceed to the next step.
6. Check directly with your gut instinct – emotional intelligence – intuition.
Review the advice you gave your “friend” and all the reasons for making or not making this choice.
Close your eyes and take five deep breaths through the nose and release through the mouth to clear your mind.
Ask yourself how you “feel” about this decision? Do not ask yourself if you are making the right decision.
What is the first thought, feeling, image or emotion that comes to your awareness?
Focus upon it. Ask “it” why it has surfaced at this time? What is the first response that comes to mind after this question? This response is the “truth” of how you feel regardless of all the facts, lists and pros and cons.
Does this process reveal that your feelings about the decision are congruent to the decision you made by using reason and data? If your feelings correspond with the decision you made previously then great – you’ve done it! You’ve made a proper decision using logic and reason followed up by your gut instinct – emotional intelligence – intuition.
If you there is discord between the two then, you need to investigate the feeling that is at odds with your logical decision further. Go to the next step.
7. Delve deeper within.
Place your palms on your abdomen in the area of your solar plexus. The reason for placing your hands on your solar plexus is to remind you to connect with the intelligence of your body. Your body gives signals via feelings that communicate vital information to you. Most of you are too busy to notice them. This is why you need to slow down and go within in order to decode this important information.
Close your eyes and relax by taking five more deep breaths in through the nose and releasing them through the mouth.
Now visualize the outcome of the first decision and then the second just as you did when you stepped through each door. This time you are going to focus on what physical sensations, feelings or emotions come up regarding each of the outcomes.
Pay attention to your breathing, is it constricted with either choice? Does your chest feel tight when you go to take a breath? Become aware of your neck and shoulders, do either of the decisions make you tense up in those areas of your body? Notice your abdomen and the area around your solar plexus, is there a “knot” in your stomach or butterflies? Do you feel nervous, anxious, are your palms sweating, does your heart speed up or is there a lump in your throat?
If you notice any discomfort regarding one choice over the other, your body is telling you that this is not the right choice.
Do you have your answer now? Not yet? Go to step eight.
8. Make sure you thoroughly understand your motivation and what you’re getting into.
If you’ve come through the process this far without an answer it’s time to step away and put it on a shelf for a while. Don’t rush and never allow pressure from outside sources to influence you into making a decision before you are ready. Tell yourself that you want more clarity on this issue and that you expect to get it in X number of days (give yourself a time period).
Don’t make a decision and don’t think about it after that, live your life and focus on other things. Just because you’re not consciously thinking about this decision doesn’t mean it isn’t “percolating” in your subconscious. You may have a dream during this period or an insight will surface that clarifies the issue. You may come to the conclusion that this decision is unnecessary and drop the whole thing.
Have you ever found yourself struggling to make an important decision? What was the situation you were grappling with? What techniques did you use to help you make the decision?
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P.S. Learn to “speak intuition.” Click here.