Differentiating Between Intuition & Wishful Thinking (When Your Heart is Broken)

Differentiating Between Intuition & Wishful Thinking (When Your Heart is Broken)

Broken Heart, Intuition, Wishful thinking, Faith

There’s a big difference between intuition & wishful thinking. And the differences are maximized to the 10th power when your heart is broken.

Wishful thinking is trying to manifest a particular outcome in which you have very little influence.

You know it’s wishful thinking if you vacillate between faith that it’s going to happen and fear that it won’t. The fear stems from your attachment to the outcome and  from not wanting to hear your intuition, which may be telling you otherwise.

When you’re attached to seeing only one outcome you will block your intuition from coming through. No matter how many times you ask for intuitive guidance you’ll find yourself unsure of whether your intuition was saying yes you’ll get back together or if it was just your wishful thinking. (Watch the video at the end about why wishful thinking blocks your intuition).

Don’t confuse wishful thinking for faith

Having faith is when you are confident that things are going to work out for the best and for your highest good, for all parties concerned—no matter what.

You know it’s true faith if you’re able to relinquish the need to control the outcome, meaning you practice non-attachment to how your desire will manifest or even if it will manifest at all. You have faith that a power greater than you knows what it is doing.

Understanding where the confusion comes from

What I’m referring to is what can be most confusing about knowing that we create our reality. So many people think that if they just maintain a positive outlook and visualize and keep seeing that something has worked out the way they desire it, that it will eventually.

The dark side of the Law of Attraction

The good thing about more people knowing about the LOA is that it expanded our collective consciousness to realizing that we can and do create our reality with our thoughts and emotions. The dark side is that many people may be “holding thoughts” believing that this is what you’re supposed to do to make LOA work.

When you “hold thoughts” you focus intently upon one specific outcome without allowing the Universe to provide an even better outcome or what might be in your highest good.

Say your greatest desire is to be reunited with your ex.

Or playing the lottery and hitting it big.

Is there a chance your ex could see the “error of their ways” and return to you? Yes, of course.

Is there a chance you could pick the winning lottery numbers? Yes, of course.

The two key questions though are – is it in your best interest to focus all your attention on trying to force this outcome and can you exert any influence upon the situations you desire to manifest? In other words what recourse do you have, what actions can you take to co-create the future you desire?

Put your efforts into things where you can have an impact

Obsessively trying to win the lottery or on getting someone else to do something is futile. The lottery is a game of chance. Nothing you do can change the odds. Even if you were to sell your house and use the money to buy 350,000 lottery tickets and try 350,000 number combinations there is no guarantee you would win (and people have done that and lost).

Holding thoughts about the return of someone who has broken up with you and moved on is also futile. If the person won’t speak to you, see you, answer your calls or letters and has made it clear that it is over then you are expending all your energy on something that is beyond your control to influence.

If you enter a sweepstakes where the winner is chosen based upon an essay or jingle or slogan you must create then you have an opportunity to take an action that could help you win.

If your ex is speaking to you, going to couples counseling or open to the idea of working things out and will see you then by all means exert every positive effort you can to get back together.

Plus, what other opportunities are you missing and perhaps walking right past that don’t see because you’re focused on holding thoughts about this one thing working out the way you want? The truth is opportunity exists all around us all the time it’s only our perception that limits us from seeing these doorways.

Understanding why we want certain things

If we examine our desire to “win the lottery” we will see that what we truly desire is financial security. If you truly believe you’re lucky there’s no need to obsess about winning, is there? You probably already “win” at things often.

When we are heart-sick over the loss of the love of our lives and continually focus on bringing them back what we really are pining after is “how we felt” when the person was in our lives. We felt “whole and complete.” We believe our happiness will return when this person returns when really what we’re missing is the “feeling” of happiness we had.

“Holding thoughts” holds up our future

When we wish for one outcome so intently we are telling the Universe that we believe we have all the answers. We are broadcasting that we don’t trust the stuff of the Universe to mix and meld properly unless we are in control.

To be overly attached to a single outcome impedes the creative spark of the Universe. Are you not impressed with the way the Universe “engineers” things and delights you with the surprising ways they manifest? Wishing for only this one outcome means that what you will get is likely to be devoid of the “creative spark.”

What is the Creative Spark?

It’s that magical spark that is created when the Universe orchestrates events in our lives. It is an act of creation that is above and beyond our small human control. It is when the Universe pours through us using us as a vessel to create.

It’s the synchronicity of bumping into a person by sheer coincidence at the dog groomer’s and falling madly in love. It’s sitting down at the computer and having an inspired piece of writing come through you. It’s an inspired idea for a business or new service that literally falls from the sky into your mind one day. This is the “creative spark.”

We can never recreate that – it just happens, courtesy of the Universe. It cannot be forced by sheer will. Your will is not creative and it will never be creative. True creativity is channeled through human beings from a higher power, what I refer to as Greater Intelligence. It never comes through using the rational mind or through the use of sheer will. Inspiration or true creativity is communicated to you from Greater Intelligence via your intuition.

Holding thoughts snuffs out the Creative Spark

If you “hold thoughts” about having the love of your life return you might “make it happen” but, like trying to bring back the dead you might end up in soulless zombie-like relationship. A zombie is “soulless” simply because when the witchdoctor brings them back to life they have no soul.

You cannot force your will upon another person, even if you think you’re only working the “laws of attraction” and not holding them by physical force. The act of focusing so intently upon one outcome, especially when it involves another human being, is an act of bondage. Why does a witchdoctor create a zombie in the first place? Because he wants a slave.

When you acquire anything through forcing your will you are creating bondage. Anything you acquire by this method will not be what you had hoped. It will be devoid of soul – devoid of the creative spark of life.

The only way to bring back the love of your life is to completely let them go. If they are meant to return to you they are going to return of their own free will. Only then will you have the happiness you desire.

When we’re attached to one outcome, especially when it involves love we ought to examine why we feel so empty with out this person. We need to look inside and develop self-love, more self worth and confidence. There is nothing outside of us. Everything emanates from within.

If we don’t have enough love for ourselves we will never truly find love outside of ourselves with another person. It will never be enough. We will consume the other person in an attempt to fill the void within ourselves and eventually push the other person away.

Holding thoughts means we aren’t living in the present

When you “hold thoughts” about something happening your aren’t living in the present moment. You’re postponing your happiness until this “thing” happens, whether it is the return of your soul mate or the winning of the lottery.

When you aren’t living in the present moment, you aren’t really living. Examine your desires and if you believe you are attached to a particular outcome and “holding thoughts” about it let them go. One big clue that you are holding thoughts is constant vacillation between faith and fear. One minute your positive you’re getting back together and walking on air and the next minute you’re completely down in the dumps.

Allow the Universe to provide you with your highest good or something better 

Focus on the feelings having what you desire would bring to your life such as joy, love and abundance instead of upon one specific outcome. Let the Universe do its job, infuse your future with the “creative spark” and be delighted by the outcome.

You’ll be glad you did!

Watch this video on why wishful thinking blocks your intuition:

Wishful Thinking Blocks Intuition

Have you ever found yourself stubbornly “holding thoughts?” What outcome were you attached to? How did it turn out?

If you enjoyed this article please share it with a friend on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Thank you!

P.S. Learn how to tap into your intuition and get the guidance you need: Start here!

The Downward Spiral of Wallowing in Dark Emotions

The Downward Spiral of Wallowing in Dark Emotions

Wallowing in Negative Emotions, Living a problem free life

The Downward Spiral of Wallowing in Your Dark Emotions

Have you ever been pulled way down into your dark emotions, so much so that it was hard to snap out of it?

There are times in life when “bad” things happen that throw us into a tailspin emotionally. Events such as bankruptcy, divorce or the loss of job, to name only a few, can take us to the depths of despair.

After the shock wears off our despair is compounded by flooding fears about our own survival and safety followed by perpetual worry.

We worry about how we are going to pay our bills, feed our family, where we will live, the decisions we have to make, completing paper work, filing papers, dealing with the legal system, making phone calls and going on interviews and on and on.

But, eventually thank goodness, most survive such challenges. And hopefully we not only survive and thrive but we learn a lot about life and ourselves from going through challenging times too.

A Slippery Slope

The trouble starts when we stay at the emotional level of the problem long after it has been resolved and the situation concluded. Living in this state reshapes the brain and imprints upon it a deep neural pathway where we automatically react to everything that occurs with this dark heavy negative outlook.

We are in a state of continually waiting for the “next shoe to drop.” Nothing is ever okay again, or “good” and nothing really makes us happy; forget about seeing the positive side of life or that our glass is half full when this is the mental state of our being.

There are other events such as losing a loved that bring us to these depths too but normal grieving is not what I’m referring to here. Mourning can go on for months or even a few years and it’s part of the healing process in the stages of grief. If it goes too long and the person remains morose about life in general then it can become part of this same syndrome of wallowing.

Brooding makes things worse

A person I knew was passed over for a promotion. For months every evening after work they sat in the dark drinking until it was time to go to bed. They were angry and all they wanted to do was brood over how unfairly they were treated.

A casual remark that it was a beautiful day caused them to turn to me with a menacing sneer and say, “Is it?” It was like a scene out of the film, “The Shining” with Jack Nicholson. I could see the anger glinting in their eyes. How dare I be cheerful when they were morose and life was so horrible?

They finally snapped out of it when they got a new job. But, there was a good six months where they just wanted to brood.

Brooding was how they reacted to everything that happened in their life. This behavior pattern automatically took over in response to any stressors. The brooding response had been ingrained so deeply over the years that they truly weren’t able to just “snap out of it.” It was beyond their control but they weren’t willing to seek the professional help that was necessary to overcome it either.

This is why you need to be aware of the downward spiral of wallowing in your dark emotions. You want to be able to shift out of them before they become deeply imbedded response patterns.

**If you have a mental illness, a condition such as bipolar disorder, or clinical depression this requires professional help and you must seek a qualified therapist.

Nip it in the bud

In my practice I see this once in a while. People will come to me for a session when they are in the throes of dealing with the aftermath of challenging event. After the session they feel more confident that things are going to work out and that life will return to a new semblance of “normal.”

Then, I may hear from them a year later and they are still in this negative mindset. They are not over what happened and living in a state of anger, fear and negativity. When we speak again they respond to any suggestion of positivity by bringing up the problem and pointing out how it’s preventing them from being happy again.

Down the rabbit hole

The pull of negative emotions is strong. It’s easy to allow the dark side to take over. And when we are angry and upset it feels good – at first. Initially expressing our anger and venting it is fine. It’s healthy to let it out and get it off our chest but at some point we need to let go of it so we can move on with our lives. We also need to be aware that if we don’t let go of it we may be creating a negative emotional response pattern that will get harder and harder to overcome with time.

How to Snap Out of Wallowing in Your Dark Emotions:

1. Make a gratitude list. List all the things that you have to be grateful for and that are going right.  Choose to see the good qualities of the people in your life. Write out this list daily. The action of writing will help you connect to all the good you have in your life. Notice something new each day to be grateful for and add that to the list.

2. Shift your focus to the positive. What you focus on expands. When you keep focusing on negativity your mind sifts and sorts through every detail of your day to bring “forward” to your awareness more things to be negative about.  You must shift your focus so that then you condition your mind to bring “forward” all the good in your life.

3. Breathe out the dark emotions. When you feel overwhelmed by negativity stop and focus on breathing. It’s easy: Breathe in through your nose and hold the breath for three counts then let it out through your mouth. Do this five or 10 times and you’ll break the cycle. Tell yourself you are breathing out all the negativity. (Make focused breathing part of a daily routine of meditation and you’re sure to avoid the slippery slope.)

4. Get moving. Go for a walk or a work out. Skip rope, jump on a trampoline or take a swim. Exercise helps the body produce endorphins, chemicals that your body releases which elevate your mood. When you move your body you will naturally begin to feel better.

5. Create a mental trigger. When you feel yourself going down that spiral do something to shift your mental state. An easy thing to do is have an affirmation that you repeat over and over to break you out of the cycle. Try this one: I am now and forever happy, healthy and grateful for my wonderful life. You can make up your own. Think of it as a “band aid” to immediately stop the “emotional” bleeding.

Can you see why nipping prolonged negativity in the bud is a smart thing? How do you deal with snapping out of a negative emotional state? Share with us.

If you enjoyed this article show it to a friend. Use Twitter, Google+ or Facebook to let them know about it.

P.S. Being more in touch with your intuition prevents you from going down that rabbit hole. Learn more – click here.

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The Law of Attraction: Understanding Spending vs. Investing

The Law of Attraction: Understanding Spending vs. Investing

Law of Attraction, Spending, Investing

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

Paulo Coelho, from The Alchemist

The Law of Attraction: Spending vs. Investing

Did you watch the movie, “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne or read her book? Most of the world now knows about the Law of Attraction thanks to her. Unfortunately, while Byrne did a huge service for the world the depth of the information wasn’t there to accurately convey how to bring more abundance to your life.


There’s a misconception that in order to attract abundance into your life you ought to prime the pump of the LOA by spending money. Perhaps you were told that in order to demonstrate your faith in the Law of Attraction you ought to “dig your ditches before the rain.” This idea originally comes from a passage in the Bible but I first read about it in Florence Scovel Shin’s book, “The Game of Life and How to Play It.”

What Shin meant was that if you’re praying for rain you must take action and dig the ditches to hold the water ahead of the rain. “Digging ditches” clearly communicates that you firmly and unwaveringly have faith in the Universe to bring about what you desire.

You might have misconstrued this advice by first buying the things you wanted as a demonstration that the money to pay for them would then show up. Unfortunately all this does is create debt. “Digging your ditches” symbolizes that you must have the faith and take action toward achieving your goals even when there isn’t a “cloud in the sky” to indicate that it’s going to rain.

There is a difference between spending and investing

Notice though, Shin did not say to go out and use up all the water you have as an act of faith that it would rain and then the water would be replenished. This is what you’re doing when you spend money you don’t have. You’re draining your resources. What Shin advises is to invest your energy and resources in creating a “ditch” or reservoir so that it will hold all the water you need whenever you need it. This is what “investing” does, it becomes a resource that pays you back again and again over time.

Spending money doesn’t garner the same results as investing

For example you see a gorgeous pair of boots and think,”If I buy the boots I’m showing the Universe I trust that the money is coming to pay the credit card bill.” But after you spend the money your life hasn’t changed. You have a nice pair of boots and nothing else to show for it.

When you invest money you take an action that ensures that the money will return a dividend, in other words, pay you back. For example you might be in a 401k retirement program at work. Over time with good investment strategies this investment will grow and be part of the money you live on in retirement.

You might invest in buying a home for the same reason; you anticipate that with time its value will increase so that someday when you sell it you’ll get back more than you spent to buy it. This is also the reason for investing in education. When you learn something useful it contributes to your ability to apply it in a way that the actions taken based on knowledge you received pays you back over time.

In general buying “stuff” for yourself is spending not investing. Clothes, furniture, cars and the like while needed are not investments. Buying something the goes up in value and returns a profit when you sell it is an investment. Examples of some good investments that will improve your life are education, coursework and coaching.

Investing in yourself is the entire premise of self-development. You are developing yourself for something, right? You probably want to learn how to be more successful at life which is to be happier, peaceful, self confident, more capable, loving and a better human being I would imagine.

Invest in yourself instead of spending on yourself

To unlock the power of the Law of Attraction invest in yourself. Investing in your education is one of the best investments you can make. Invest in a course that will help you learn what actions you need to take to create a better life. This will prime the pump of the LOA in your life much more than a one shot purchase such as a pair of boots. To invest in yourself is to dig a ditch and build a reservoir of resources that will pay you back handsomely over time.

Taking action

Action demonstrates your faith in the Law. You must take the proper action steps. Wishing and visualizing are not enough. Action is how you “seed” the clouds for all that rain. And, if you don’t know what you want that’s a problem. You must know what you want in order to know the proper action steps to take.

Knowing what you want is key

If you aren’t sure of what you want your life to look like and all you think is that you want “abundance” you’re going to be disappointed. Abundance comes in many forms. You’ve got to be specific in order to come up with the action steps to seed your cloud.

Prime the pump of the Law of Attraction

Know what you want. Know your purpose and mission in life and then you will know what actions to take. After all you can’t get there until you know where “there is,” right? Knowing your purpose is having the map to get to your destination. As soon as you are clear on where you want to go the result of every action step taken will yield much more dramatic results toward your ultimate success.

If you are unclear of your purpose invest in yourself. Open the way and seed the cloud toward your abundance by investing not spending on yourself. Find a coach or take a course on how to find your life purpose, read a book on this topic or have a thorough astrological reading of your purpose done.

The sooner you know where you’re heading the sooner you’ll get there!

If you enjoyed this article share it with a friend on Twitter, FB or Google+

P.S. Find your purpose – click here.

Photo: © Fantasista – Fotolia.com

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How to Know if Your Life is Stuck

How to Know if Your Life is Stuck

Get unstuck!9 Ways to Know if Your Life is Stuck

Have you ever asked yourself this question, “How did I get here?” I used to ask it a lot when I was stuck in long boring meetings.

There are really only two reactions to this question; one is positive and the other – not so much.

You either respond by saying, “I know how I got here and I’m lovin’ my life!”

Or you say, “Holy *@#*! How the hell did I get here? This is not how I thought my life would turn out. Help!”

Sadly the second response is quite common. It shows that you are not only dissatisfied with your life but stuck too. But that’s okay. Acknowledging being stuck and your discontent is the first step to getting your life back on track.

Your life can turn around because, it is never too late to change and get on the path you were meant to follow.

Have you ever read a newspaper story about a person in their eighties achieving something they dreamed of for example, finally getting their college degree? Don’t you find it inspiring? I do.

My “stuck” story

For years I wanted to go back to college and finish my degree but I didn’t believe it was doable. I was unhappy in my job. It was supposed to be just a job to make some money while I finished my degree at night but it grew into a major career and consumed my life instead. That’s my answer to, “How did I get here?” and how I became stuck.

Sound familiar? Has whatever you’re doing now consumed your life too?

As the years went by I didn’t think it was possible to make a living any other way. I felt trapped. Beliefs such as thinking I would be too old when I graduated or that I couldn’t survive without benefits and a steady paycheck prevented me from quitting my job and moving forward with my dream.

Why the disconnect keeps you stuck

I had been studying spiritual principles and devouring books on how to change your mind in order to change your life for quite some time but still, my fears held me back and kept me stuck. I suffered from a disconnect between what I knew intellectually and what I believed. This disconnect was why I was stuck; paralyzed by fear and unable to move forward.

This went on for years until I found my mentor, an internationally known spiritual teacher, and began following her teachings.

Back then coaching didn’t exist, unless you were an athlete. Today everyone knows coaches work with you to help shift your thinking in order to make big changes in your life and achieve success. If a shift in your thinking occurred at all it was only after years of trying to do it on your own or through a lucky “coincidence” such as how I stumbled upon the teachings of my mentor.

After finding her I became part of a local chapter that met weekly for group meditation and to watch grainy VHS videos of my mentor’s talks. Being in the group vibration and watching her recorded lectures slowly began to affect my psyche. And after four years I finally woke up!

A shift in my thinking took hold and I quit my  job and went back to school. And I survived. In fact, I did better than just survive. I thrived. It was the happiest time of my life. When I let go everything fell into place. I received multiple awards and a scholarship to graduate school. I met the right people who supported me and pointed me in the right direction. I experienced true freedom and the joy of expressing who I was meant to be for the first time in my life.

The “I know that” syndrome

It just goes to show what we can accomplish when we shift from our negative belief patterns and adopt the right beliefs. And as I learned, the secret to having a mental shift that changes the trajectory of your life was having a mentor. It wasn’t that I didn’t “know” many of the things that I learned from my mentor’s teachings, it was that I was stuck in that pattern of saying, “I already know that,” instead of actually internalizing the belief and doing it. You can see just how stubborn I was as it took me four years to “get it!” But, it doesn’t have to take that long and it won’t if you let someone help you and take action.

Turn your life around now – not later

A personal coach is someone who can not only show you that there are better, easier, faster ways to achieve your goals but who will guide and push you to take action. Learning from someone will help you reach your goal in a fraction of the time it takes to do it on you own. A coach has the training, experience and tools to share with you that will release frozen belief patterns in your mind that are holding you a prisoner in your own life.

The truth is that once you change how you think the world you experience changes.

I didn’t want to believe that I needed anyone to help me accomplish my goals. I thought that was a personal failing but I was so wrong. To need a teacher to show you the way isn’t wrong it’s necessary for your growth otherwise you remain stuck. It’s actually smarter to know you need help then to talk yourself into thinking you don’t.

When I finally took that leap of faith I learned just how much I loved the feeling of “leaping” too. I leaped and my life took off like an eagle soaring above everyone else who was stuck in their old lives.

We teach best what we most need to learn

I’m so thankful to my mentor for giving me the keys that unlocked my mind from the prison I’d put myself in. Having done this myself I understand how scary it is to think about giving up security to go after something as intangible as a dream. And, it doesn’t matter whether your dream is to go back to school, be a dog trainer, start a business or that all you know is that your present life is not what you want; it’s all the same. Your current dissatisfaction is your soul sending you a message loud and clear that you are not on the right path in your life. Your soul uses your intuition and feelings such as longing and discontent to communicate this to you.

And boy do I know that call from the soul all too well. I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve been on the wrong path more than a few times and gotten stuck all over again when I reverted to old behaviors and fears so don’t think you’re the only one. I so needed to teach what I most needed to learn that I wrote a best selling book, “The Intuition Principle,” about finding your true path and creating a life you love simply because the steps were burned into my brain after so many failed attempts!

9 signs that your life is stuck

  1. You have no enthusiasm for your life.
  2. You keep waiting for everything to be perfect (have the money, or the time) before you take the plunge!
  3. You’re frustrated, dissatisfied and tired of your life.
  4. You want to do something but feel overwhelmed, confused and don’t know where to start.
  5. You’re afraid of starting over so you do nothing.
  6. You’ve tried to make it happen on your own and haven’t been able to.
  7. You have a dream but it seems impossible to achieve.
  8. You don’t have a clue what your dream life is but do know you just can’t go on living the life you have now.
  9. You don’t want to get up in the morning and face another day of “the same.”

If you’re response to “How did I get here?” is filled with regret, discontent with your current life and a longing to do something more you owe it to yourself to address your dissatisfaction before more of your life goes by otherwise you’ll remain stuck.

When I thought I was “too old” to go back to school because when I would graduate I’d be 38, the idea that shifted my thinking was the realization that, “I’m going to be 38 anyway so the longer I wait the more of my life I am wasting.”

What you will learn when you take your own leap of faith is that not only can you fly but the truth is that you were meant to fly!

Which of the 9 ways of being stuck do you resonate to? Where does your thinking need to shift the most? What will you do to get unstuck?

Did you enjoy this article? Help a friend and share this information on Twitter, FB or G+.

P.S. Are you ready to fly? I can help. When you find your life’s purpose and begin living it your days of being stuck will be over! Contact me to schedule your very own life purpose consult: Click here.


Photo: © WavebreakmediaMicro – Fotolia.com

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Why Making Friends Can be Counter-Intuitive, And What to Do About It

Why Making Friends Can be Counter-Intuitive, And What to Do About It


Why Making Friends Can Be Counter-Intuitive, And What To Do About It

By guest author Paul Sanders

Making friends sounds simple; you just meet new people, stay in touch, meet them again, and if you like them, keep seeing them. But in reality, when you want to do it, lots of emotions come up, it feels like you’re about to jump off a cliff. Your brain starts to think of scenarios of rejection and humiliation.

This article is about to show you why it feels like you need courage, and guts, to meet other people and try to make friends… and what to do about it.

When Making Friends, You’re Revealing Who You Really Are

With family and work, you can fake being someone else; you can show a politically correct version of yourself. It sure drains your energy, but it’s effective, as you know that some family members will never understand you, and that at work it’s better to stay professional.

In friendship, you can’t keep your social persona, as the whole concept of being friends is based on showing who you really are. People always held a special place for their friends… they’re never who they really are, completely spontaneous, until they meet their friends. If you had to fake being someone with someone, then that’s not friendship.

You’re kind of obligated to put yourself on the line, and that makes you scared of being judged for who you are, what you do, or how you think.

Fortunately for you, the way friendship works is that you don’t have to reveal everything about yourself that quickly. You can reveal more and more about yourself as you start to trust the person. To get yourself ready to be safely open to make friends, get ready to reveal just a tiny bit more than usual.

To get started, reveal only 5% more about yourself than usual.

Making Friends Requires That You Trust Your Good Judgment

Making friends as an adult is about choosing the right people for you, and deciding not to be involved with others. It’s not like in school where you didn’t get to choose who sits next to you or who gets to be in your class, or neighborhood.

This means you’ll give yourself the permission to pick and choose. Most people don’t give themselves the permission to decide who gets access to their life and who stays out. So, if you need someone to give you permission to do that, then fine, here: I give you permission to pick and choose whom to hang out with.

You’re taking responsibility for your success and happiness, things are hard enough, and you at least deserve to choose who you surround yourself with.

Making Friends Means That You’re Worthy Of People’s Time

When you think of meeting people, it’s easy to fall in the traps of thinking things like: “Will they find me interesting enough? Will they get bored with me?”

Well, for example, if you’re thinking about making friends with people who spend their time talking about gossip, viral YouTube videos, and celebrities, while you spend your time thinking about yoga, achievement, goals, and success… there might be a disconnect.

First, yes you are worthy of people’s time! But you’re not for everyone! You’re not a generic product. Some kind of crowd will love you, and others will get bored with you.

The mistake is to think that “if one person doesn’t want to spend time with me… I’m worthless!” That’s not realistic at all.

Example: Imagine a man and a woman on a date; the woman talks about her plans to spend the next five years travelling the world, while the man shares his desire to start a family and succeed at his current, local job. If the girl gets disinterested in that man, does it mean that he’s worthless? Of course not! He might be a great guy, just not for her.

Again, some people will love to spend their time with you, all you have to do is find them and connect with them. And the more commonalities you have with them, the easier it is to build a friendship.

Making Friends Means You’ll Risk Social Rejection

Here, the most important thing to do is to avoid taking normal social behavior as social rejection. Once you pay more attention and read the signs that people are sending you, you’ll realize how rare social rejection is, in reality.

Anyone can fall in this trap, even popular and important people face this every day. This is because there always going to be people who don’t have the time to talk to you, don’t feel like making new friends, or just forget to give you a call.

Don’t be hard on yourself by interpreting all that as a hint that there is maybe something wrong with you. Your best bet is to focus on learning how to make friends, and, with a little practice, social rejection will no longer be a problem for you.

Is making friends hard for you? Do you fear social rejection? Can you see how these tips could help? Share your experience with us in the comments section.

If you enjoyed this post why not share it with a friend on Twitter, FB or Google+?

P.S. Developing your intuition helps you discern who to make friends with. Click here!

Paul Sanders head shotPaul Sanders is the founder of Get The Friends You Want, his methodology helps you overcome shyness and loneliness, have the critical social skills you need, make friends, and build your social circle. Start here: Free Social Skills Newsletter



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Affirmations Not Working? Try “Afformations” Instead!

Affirmations Not Working? Try “Afformations” Instead!

“Your life is a reflection of your assumptions.” –Noah St. John

This is an interview with Noah St. John about his new book,“The Book of Afformations.”

If affirmations haven’t worked try “Afformations” instead.

Afformations are positive questions that spur the subconscious mind to search out and create the reality you desire based on supplying the answers to these questions, or “afformations.”

1. Can you explain the difference between an “afformation” and an “affirmation?

An affirmation is a positive statement of something you would like to be true in your life.

For example, a classic affirmation is, “I am rich.”

The problem is, when most people say “I am rich”, the very next though in their brain is, “Yeah, right!”

The problem is that most people don’t believe the positive statements they’re saying.

That’s why I invented Afformations, which are empowering questions that activate your brain’s embedded presupposition factor – which means that when you ask a question, your brain is wired to start searching for the answers.

Editor’s note: Instead of using the affirmation “I am a rich,” here’s an example of an afformation: “Why do I allow myself to be as wealthy as I’ve always wanted ?”

2. What is it and why do most people have “success anorexia?”

Success anorexia is a condition that causes people to starve themselves of success. Symptoms of success anorexia include self-sabotage, holding yourself back from success, and driving down the road of life with one foot on the brake.

3. Why are Afformations the “missing piece to an abundant lifestyle?” Will they cure “success anorexia?

I discovered Afformations on the morning April 24, 1997 in The Shower That Changed Everything when I asked myself a simple question that changed my life…

“Why are we going around saying statements we don’t believe, when the human mind automatically responds to something even more powerful?”

That’s when I invented Afformations – empowering questions that immediately change your subconscious thought patterns from negative to positive.

I think the people who will benefit most from The Book of Afformations are the people who have already spent lots of money on every self-help or “money-making” program out there… but still feel stuck.

That’s because Afformations have helped over 250,000 people in 178 countries to make more money, lose weight, improve relationships, and find peace of mind faster, easier, and with far less effort.


4. How has using Afformations affected your own life? Can you give us some examples of its benefits?

Thousands of people have written to me from around the world, thanking me for giving them “the missing piece” and the “secret sauce” to an abundant lifestyle.

While I couldn’t pick one single story out of the thousands, one of my favorite real-life Afformations success stories comes from Susan, who came to us “penniless” (her word) and $56,000 in credit card debt. She had also spent tens of thousands of dollars on every “self-help” program out there, but was definitely struggling.

She heard about Afformations from a friend and decided to try it. In less than 6 months, Susan had found a job as a TV producer for a national television show, had built a six-figure income, and has just finished writing her first book.

We also have stories of people who have used Afformations to find the love of their lives, grow their business, get more clients, and find freedom and happiness.


5. What impact will following the Afformations System of: Ask, Afform, Accept & Act have on readers’ lives? Should readers expect to see changes in their lives and if so, how quickly?

Afformations aren’t magic; they’re science. The irony of Afformations is that every person on Earth is already using Afformations – they just don’t realize they’re doing it.

Also, many people are skeptical of “self-help” teachings because they’ve spent lots of money on other programs that haven’t produced the results they were hoping for.

For example, Brandon was an insurance salesman from Salt Lake City. He had spent over $30,000 on every self-help program under the sun… but he was still stuck, broke, and making less than $1,500 a month.

After he heard about Afformations from a friend, Brandon decided to try it – even though he was very skeptical. But the results were amazing. In the first 30 days of using Afformations, Brandon’s sales tripled.

And by the end of the year, his income had increased more than 560% over the previous year.

Have you tried affirmations? What were your results? Are you willing to try afformations instead?

If you enjoyed this interview please share it on Twitter, FB or Google+. Thanks!

P.S. Love books? Check out mine on intuition development: Click here!.

Author Bio: Noah St. John is a personal development expert and the author of “The Book of Afformations.” Check out his book and get a bonus chapter of his book here.

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