Allow yourself to forgive and let go if you want to be achieve your dreams and success.
Do you want to be successful in your relationships, health, career and financially? Do you have a vision of your ideal life that you dream of living? I hope so.
If you don’t have a vision that inspires and motivates you to take action please contact me (here).
If you are still holding resentment and grudges against people for things that occurred in the past you will find it much more difficult to achieve the success you dream of.
How unresolved issues hurt you
Suppose you are still angry and resentful about what happened to your life after you went through a nasty divorce. Every time you think of your spouse you feel upset and anger boils up from within. Just the mere mention of his/her name instigates this reaction. And, the mere thought of running into them makes you feel as if you were punched in the gut.
Carrying around this unresolved anger and resentment weighs heavily on you. It’s always there in the back of your mind and makes you feel down every time it comes to mind. Not forgiving blocks the flow of your life energy and suppresses joy and that keeps you from living fully.
This caustic reaction affects you emotionally and physically. Countless studies have shown that negative emotions release a slew of toxic chemical reactions within your body. Over time holding onto anger and resentment will impact your health.
Here’s a quote to put it in perspective:
“In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith (1999)
When you think about it this quote makes a lot of sense. When we hold resentment and anger toward someone or some situation we feel justified because of “how bad it was.” We erroneously believe that this anger and resentment actually punishes the other party but it’s actually doing nothing to them and everything (in a negative way) to you.
Why not forgiving blocks you from achieving your dreams
You may be thinking, “My situation is not forgivable. What happened to me is so bad that if Angela heard my story she would agree with me that [insert your story] cannot be forgiven!”
If you’re thinking this I want to wake you up to the real issue about holding resentment and not forgiving. Forgiving is not about condoning what happened. For example, stealing is wrong but what good does it do you to hold onto the anger and resentment toward the thief? To forgive you need to accept what has happened and think, “It is what it is,” so you can let go and move on. You need to release the emotional charge that is keeping you bound to the event and stuck in the past.
Your energy cannot circulate
When you don’t move on a huge portion of your energy is sucked out of you to keep this anger and resentment alive each day. This is energy you could put toward making your life the joyous one you dream of. Not forgiving becomes a large hungry mass inside that continuously sucks life energy and blocks you from moving forward in your life. It keeps you stuck in the past and holds you hostage to it whether you realize it or not. It locks you into a victim mentality where your sad story defines and thereby shapes your life and what manifests because of it.
Every thought you think and emotion you consistently feel contributes to a pattern through which your life is created. Over time these repetitive thoughts and emotions coalesce into the situations in your life. The signal you broadcast when you don’t forgive is, “Hey world this is what I want so please send me more things to be angry about and resent, okay? Thanks!” That’s not really what you want, is it?
To forgive is to free yourself
If you have goals and dreams for your life you owe it to yourself to examine who and what you may need to forgive in your life. If you don’t forgive you will end up going in circles instead of making progress toward what you say you want. On the one hand you will dream of living this big great life and on the other you will cancel it out by holding onto and feeding this dark mass of resentment.
Think of it this way what do you want more: To live the life you dream of or to hold onto that anger and resentment that you erroneously believe is punishing the person/situation?
I believe if you really think about this you’ll want to forgive and move on to create the life you dream of.
How to forgive & let go in 5 steps
Years ago my spiritual mentor gave me a powerful mantra: I forgive. I forgive. I forgive everyone including myself.
I changed it to: I forgive. I forgive. I forgive everyone including “insert name of person you want to forgive” and myself.
1. Go within. Close your eyes and take in three deep breaths to relax.
2. Picture the person. In your mind’s eye see the person you want to forgive.
3. Use the mantra. Silently repeat the mantra over and over while seeing them smile and nod their head in agreement with you to show they have received and accepted your forgiveness.
Spend at least 5 minutes sending out your forgiveness to them. It’s okay if at first you really don’t feel the forgiveness. As you practice this over time you will begin to feel the difference.
4. Release the person. After 5 minutes see them wave to you and then begin to walk away and as they do become smaller and smaller and finally disappear. Walking away and disappearing represents you releasing them from the energetic hold your mind has had upon keeping this anger and resentment alive within you.
5. Commit to this process. Repeat this several times during the day. I recommend at least twice; once upon arising and once again before you go to sleep. Forgiving someone takes time. It’s not going to happen overnight. You must commit to practicing forgiving and keep doing it until you realize that thinking about the person/situation no longer brings up the negative reaction.
When I did this it took me about six months until one day I suddenly realized I could think about the person and not have that negative reaction. It was so liberating! My life changed for the better. (Actually the moment I consciously began doing the forgiveness work my life began to get better.) When I was truly free my life took off and my life changed dramatically. Now I can think of this person and not feel anything other than that I wish them well. This is the point you want to get to.
What has not forgiving cost you – in lost time – in lost joy? Be honest with yourself. Can you see how not forgiving punishes you and not the other person? Tell us about it in the comments.
If you enjoyed this article share it with a friend who might benefit from it on Twitter, FB or G+.
P.S. Is anger and resentment holding you back from living the great life you dream of? Contact me for a life purpose session to discover how to change things for the better – here.
Related articles
- “Forgive and forget.” (freedomtruthmarriage.wordpress.com)
- The Spiritual Message behind Stress, Struggle & Upheaval (poweredbyintuition.com)
- 8 Ways to Heal Pain & Release Your Incredible Power (poweredbyintuition.com)
- 5 tips to Make Your Dreams a Reality (poweredbyintuition.com)
Comments
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I love this. Forgiveness is so liberating. And it does take time. I know because I have forgiven, or thought I had, but we still hold on. It takes repetition to let go and find that feeling of peace.
Rosemarie,
Yes, you said it,”Forgiveness takes repetition.”
I think I’ve forgiven then something else pops up and I have to go back to the drawing board. It’s worth the effort to find the peace within.
Angela –
This article is a deep and wise one.
Through years – actually decades- of hard work, I finally got to a place where I really understood and began to release my anger towards those who I had not yet forgiven – even some without knowing it.
It is so true that anger stifles creativity, blocks energy flow, and is a real major cause of depression.
It is great to have the skills to know how to begin to forgive. Anyone who reads this would be smart to copy and post on their fridge!! xxoo
Hi Fran,
You put it so beautifully: Anger stifles creativity, blocks energy flow, and is a real major cause of depression. So true!
I didn’t learn the mechanics of how to forgive until learned them from my spiritual mentor. I was never “taught” how to do it so I would think on an intellectual level that I ought to forgive but nothing would change.
It was really mind-blowing to me when after practicing this method I realized that I was “free” from this anger and resentment. After that I was a total convert to forgiveness work.
This totally resonates with me Angela. Who hasn’t held on to apparent injustices long after they should have been released? I know I’ve done my fair share of that. And it made me sick. Literally. I learned from bitter experience that holding on to grievances and wrongs truly is poisoning ourselves, mind, body and spirit.
Forgive and set yourself free became my motto. And I’m with the others when I say it’s an ongoing activity.
Great reminder Angela.
Elle,
I love how you refer to holding onto resentment as a “bitter experience.” So true. It does poison our mind, body and spirit as well.
I have to remind myself to forgive especially if I react angrily to something. It’s a daily process and I have to go back to the drawing board again and again.
I think the last step – Commit to the process – is so important, Angela. We must realize that forgiveness in an ongoing process. Thank you for sharing that quote from Anne Lamott. It truly puts things into perspective.
Hi Corinne,
I know – we are never done forgiving as long we are not saints! It’s a life process.
Many people attribute a similar quote to Buddha too.
I’m glad you liked it.
Thanks so much for visiting and commenting. It’s a pleasure to see you here.
Hi Angela,
see we are in sync re forgiveness 🙂 So important and it came up fpr me that I needed to do some more forgiveness work.
Dear Suzie,
Yes!! I just realized that. Awesome topic.
xxoo
Dear Paige,
I love how you say, “There was never enough room for happiness in my heart until I had completed the process” of clearing out buried resentments.
The medical reports backing up the connection between mind and body are beyond refute at this point. The aunt I was closest to in my life who was like a mother to me died from cancer. She had long held resentments toward my grandfather for how he had treated her. When she realized this she forgave him and for a long time experienced a remission. Thank you for bringing up the cancer connection. It is an important point.
I think we get so used to living with resentment that we don’t question it and believe it’s “normal” until we do the forgiveness work and feel the difference. After my divorce I had a lot of anger. I didn’t like being angry and feeling all that rage – it wasn’t the me I knew. After I released the anger I felt so free and happy again like my old self. It was wonderful!
Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. I think we teach best what we most need to learn and I still have many lessons to learn in this life.
From my own experiences, I completely agree with this article. Whether I was fully aware of it or not, I later realized how buried resentments were literally eating up my life. Once I was able to forgive, by putting myself in the other person’s shoes, I also found a way to feel compassion for the other person. There was never enough room for happiness in my heart until I had completed this process.
In Louise Hay’s book, Heal Your Body A to Z, she associates cancer with buried resentments and guilt. Relating this to everyone I’ve known with cancer, I would agree. Those who had been sexually abused had cancers of the reproductive organs. Those who had generally felt wronged by someone close to them had cancers throughout their body, especially in their back (back=source of support). The cancer manifested itself wherever the person had buried their resentment.
If someone feels that they can’t forgive, I would strongly recommend that they find someone like you, Angela, to work through the process. It doesn’t happen overnight but it’s absolutely critical for health and happiness.