We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies. —Voltaire.
‘Tis the season to forgive, mend and heal.
During the holidays when we gather with family is when we most wish to mend relationships that have gone awry.
Everyone has disagreements. We are human after all.
If we nip things in the bud early on and mend the hurts we’ve inflicted or forgive the hurts we feel we were dealt, we can clear the air and uplift our hearts during this festive time.
It’s when those disagreements turn into long lasting feuds and separations that they fester within us causing all sorts of physical, emotional and mental disturbances.
Perhaps I should have titled this, “’Tis always the season to forgive, mend and heal and forgive ourselves as well.” Forgiving ourselves is just as important as forgiving others. Inflicting guilt upon ourselves as punishment will never heal or repair the relationship.
Family feuds belong on TV – period
Where I grew up there were two sisters and their families that lived in our building. The sisters had a minor disagreement one year that turned into a 40 year feud. Both passed away in the last five years never having spoken to one another again. The feud even alienated the cousins to a degree as well. I don’t know this to be a fact but, I have a feeling they probably couldn’t even remember what the fight was about 40 years later.
How sad. So much wasted time.
If there’s someone you miss that you’ve been alienated from reach out. Don’t let it go from a week, to a month to a year and then become something you classify as “irreparable.”
Love can forgive others and with self-love we can forgive ourselves. Love can mend and heal hearts and broken relationships too. It’s our pride and ego that hold us back.
After a while it doesn’t matter whose “fault” it was. All that matters is the time you will never get back to spend with this person that was at one time so dear to you.
Everyone struggles with difficulties in relationships at some point. Here are some questions I was asked by readers.
Perhaps you’ll find one of the answers helpful to you.
Question: Can you give any advice on forgiveness to people who lie and betray you and try to cover up the truth to make you look bad when they do?
Answer: As hard as it may be, forgiveness is the only thing that will “free” you from the negativity. Forgiving is not “condoning” the wrong doing of others. It’s moving on and detaching from the anguish and constant pain of reliving the betrayal.
I use this mantra whenever I find negativity about a past event coming up: I forgive everyone including myself. This means we acknowledge that if we did anything, consciously or unconsciously, that contributed to creating this situation we take responsibility and forgive ourselves too. We are all human and make mistakes.
Question: I need to mend a lot of things with my children but I have no idea what they are. I’d love to see my grandchildren.
To heal the relationship with your children I would go into meditation and ask my intuition to reveal to me what the “hurts” are that your children feel need mending. Many times the other party perceives hurts we aren’t even aware of!
Place your hand on your heart when asking for this guidance and say you want to hear it directly from their heart. Tell yourself you’re ready and willing to hear “your child’s truth,” whether you agree or not. He or she may be upset over things and blame you based on their perception. Be open. It may hurt you to hear what he or she believes is true.
Picture the child in your mind and send them love straight from your heart. See yourselves hugging and making up and see yourself hugging your grandchildren. Keep sending them love and picturing this every day. Use this mantra: I forgive everyone including myself. Keep sending them love and forgiveness while acknowledging that you may have (even unconsciously) contributed to creating the distance between you. Even if you don’t see any progress – your loving energy is getting through.
Question: I want to forgive myself but I seem to make the same mistake again and again.
Answer. The reason we call it a “mistake” is because it’s a “mis – take.” You don’t mean to do it. Ask for guidance from your intuition. Go into meditation and ask to know why you keep making this same mistake over and over.
Ask to know what you need to learn from this mistake and what the lesson is that you are to take away from this. Place your hand on your abdomen when you ask and focus on any feelings or thoughts or emotions that arrive during this process.
The thing about intuition is that we always “know” on some deep level that we are tuning out the “why” of many things that happen to us. Most of the time “mistakes” happen because we’re not ready or willing to learn something we need to learn and face in order to grow. Forgive yourself.
Question: I keep making the same mistakes again and again. Why?
Answer: We all make the same mistakes a few times before we learn. The key is to try to become more “conscious.” If you’ve made the same mistake a few times go within (meditate) on the mistake and ask your intuition what it is you need to learn from it. I do tend to think if we are aware that we are making the same mistake over and over then we are sabotaging ourselves if we don’t make an effort to look “deeper” and change our ways. On a subconscious level we may wish not to grow or take responsibility for our actions.
Forgive yourself. If this was your child and they made the same mistake wouldn’t you forgive them? Now is the time to “mother” yourself and love and forgive yourself just as you would love and forgive your child.
‘Tis the season to forgive, mend and heal.
I hope you found these questions and answers helpful to forgive, mend and heal relationships with others and to forgive yourself.
There is nothing as glorious as a heart that has been burnished by forgiveness for this heart will outshine all others.
Have you been dealing with the pain of separation this holiday season? Is there anything you might do to repair the relationship? Please feel free to ask any questions you may have.
God bless and Happy holidays from my heart to yours.
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