He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life. —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you ever been paralyzed by fear?
Can you recall the awful sense of dread you felt?
That distinct punched in the gut feeling?
I was raised in an environment of fear. My entire adult life has been fueled by my “need” to overcome the fears instilled in me during childhood.
Along the way I adopted, “Face your fear and do it anyway,” as my personal motto. I’ve been on a mission to prove to myself that I can overcome my fears ever since.
The strategy I’ve used to deal with the challenges life has thrown at me is to jump in with both feet.
I was fired from my first “real” job. It nearly crippled me emotionally. I was upset, scared and my fragile confidence was shattered. I found another job and went on to have very rewarding career.
I left a stable career and healthy salary fifteen years ago to “reinvent” myself and my life. I was scared but, I did it anyway. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did.
Eventually, I started a whole new career as a 100 percent commissioned financial sales person. Having no salary was scary too but, I felt compelled to try it. I learned how to be completely self-reliant.
Throughout my career I’ve had to get out in front of lots of people in order to bring in business. I had no choice but to overcome my fear of public speaking and, to my surprise, I found I enjoyed it!
Facing fears head-on builds confidence
I don’t have any magic solutions. I can only give advice based on what has worked for me. And, for me—facing my fears has worked.
Each time I have faced one of my fears and, “done it anyway” my confidence in my ability to deal with life’s challenges has risen. The effects are cumulative.
You keep building on that confidence each time you do something you’re afraid to do. When you master a new challenge, it resets the “set-point” of your confidence at a higher level.
I’m not saying that I never have fears, because I do. I choose to “tame” my fears instead of allowing them to “tame” me and my dreams.
Wisdom comes through facing fears
When we live in a bubble safe from life’s challenges we don’t gain experience or wisdom. We don’t grow at all, for that matter. We are ill-equipped to deal with the real world should our “bubble-burst” if we have no experience with having to solve problems in our lives.
Fears can imprison us
If we spend our entire lives avoiding fear we miss out on so many experiences. We have put ourselves in a prison of our own making. You may not be able to see the walls, but they are there. Your fears will control you, rein in your life and you will always “play small” and never reach your true potential.
Say, you’re afraid to travel alone or to take a train, subway or plane by yourself. Think of all the opportunities and experiences you’ll miss because you must wait for someone else to come with you.
Overcoming fears liberates and empowers you
When you face your fears and do it anyway—you are free! You are no longer held hostage by your fears. You can go anywhere and do anything because you know you are capable of dealing with any problems that arise.
You become empowered when you face your fears. You no longer worry about making mistakes. Making mistakes is normal and it’s how we learn. When you accept that you may, in fact, make mistakes when you face your fears you lose the shame of making mistakes that also holds you back in the first place.
We are here to become “fearless”
The more you embrace your fears, the more “fearless” you become. When you have faced enough of your fears your reserve of confidence and wisdom grows immensely.
•Becoming fearless means that you are now open to all of life.
•You no longer crouch in the corner worried about trying something new or making a decision about something.
•You start directing your life instead of allowing life’s challenges to direct you.
•You no longer “react” to life’s problems. You take control of life’s problems and not only do you solve them but, you find the silver lining within the problem.
•When you’re fearless your whole attitude about life changes. You see your life as a great adventure. Having solved problems before you know you can do it again.
There’s a saying that goes something like this:
A winner can lose his fortune and within a year gain it back again.
Become fearless and you become a winner at the game of life!
When you are fearless you know that there is no such thing as “bad luck.” You create your luck by your attitude and the confidence you project.
When you’re fearless and excited by life and yes, even by life’s challenging moments, you send out a powerful message to the Universe saying, “I love this life!” When you love ALL of life, even its challenges, the Universe will respond by opening doors to you that will flood your life with good.
There is no such thing as “having bad luck”
Don’t waste a minute of your life fearing that you have bad luck. Never allow anyone to manipulate you into buying “good luck spells” or any such nonsense. Good luck is a state of mind—and so is “bad luck.” Change your mind instead.
You create your own luck
Everybody has challenges and tough times in their lives. How you face the challenge turns it from feeling as “if” you have bad luck, to just another obstacle to master in your life. Get rid of your belief in bad luck and you will see your life through a new lens.
Fear inhibits intuition
When you allow fear to drive your response to problems, it “drowns-out” the voice of your intuition.
Remember the last time you felt afraid? Wasn’t you’re mind was racing with scenarios about “what’s going to happen?” Wasn’t your heart pounding and your breathing shallow and constricted?
When you’re in panic-mode how do you expect your intuition to get past all that shrieking in you head?
By remaining calm when facing your fears, your intuition comes through loud and clear to guide you to the next steps you need to take to solve your problem.
Unchecked fears multiply
Get a handle on you fears. Face them head-on and really look at them. When scrutinized closely, most fears shrink from imagined giant proportions down to their real size.
There is always a solution.
There is always a way.
There is always another chance.
The door to your solution will open when you face your fear and do it anyway.
Have you conquered your fears? How has this changed your life? What are you doing now that you were to frightened to do in the past?
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“Fear is actually an avoidance of living in the present through an obsessive rehashing of the past or a totally unproductive fantasizing about the future. Anxiety is a way of completely missing the sacred nature of the present moment.”
It’s something I knew – but didn’t know I knew
Jeriea,
I’m so glad you got something useful from this post.
It’s a pleasure meeting you!
Thank you so much for commenting.
Please do come back again.
I truly appreciate it.
Angela
I am afraid because of people’s reaction towards me,they all look at me as if i am a psycho ,they even laugh at me this makes me too much self conscious and I even though act like I am afraid of them,this gives them chance to mock my confidence. I am not able to control it,I am afraid extremely……………. HELP ME please I am 18,a student.
Great article! I try to do something that scares me everyday. I find that pushing past a fear really gets me motivated to continue on towards my goals.
Kari,
That’s a great habit you’ve developed. I can see how it would keep you motivated.
Thank you for sharing this great tip with us.
It’s a pleasure to meet you as well!
Awsome post Angela! You are fueled and I can feel it 🙂 you’ve been writing some amazing posts and I seriously hope you powerful words find their way to a massive world-wide audience. It’s much needed insights that you share.
Every time fear stops be, or slows me down – a conversation happens. At times I wish I was fearless – other times I’m thrilled at far I’ve come and some moments I see fear as something that makes me more courageous and my life more well lived & explored. I’ve been pushing myself though fear for a while now and at times I still get physically nauseous, but it’s only made be more courageous, more grateful and more fulfilled. The journey through fear isn’t nice, soft, or pretty – but the it’s worth the warriors journey.
Hi Aileen,
Thank you. I’m so glad you found this post helpful. I believe fear effects each of us.
I doubt I will ever be completely 100 percent fearless but, if the fear last for a day or even hours and then I can move on I consider that to be success!
I’m so glad you’ve been pushing yourself. I’m sorry to hear that it makes you nauseous though. I’m sure the more you face your fears the less frequently you’ll get nauseous though. I love that: It’s worth the warrior’s journey!
So true! We get out of life what we put in. If we play small out of fear we’re going to live a small life.
“You keep building on that confidence each time you do something you’re afraid to do.” So true! I love this. When you’ve successfully overcome a very difficult challenge, you’ll gain confidence, thinking that you can take on all other difficult challenges that life my throw at you. Fear is just a state of mind. And when facing fear, it’s always a choice between letting fear control you or controlling your fear. We all should learn how to manage our fears because all the things we want in life are outside our comfort zone.
Angela: Really great post. I thought what you said about knowing you have fears but taming them was so helpful. It helps to know that it is normal to have fears, but we just need to work through them. Great info.
Hi Sibyl,
I’m so glad you found it worthwhile! I think we’ll never run out fears as long as we live. There will always be some new challenge to master and a fear to tame right along with it.
Beautifully written!! I have faced my fears a lot over the past three years and it has been freeing for me and for my kids!! There are still some bumps to get over though!!
Hi Betsy,
I’m so glad you found this helpful. I think no matter how many times we face fears in our lives there will always be another “bump in the road” to get over. I don’t think we’re finished facing our fears until we’ve faced the final one; death. One thing that’s helped me is realizing that our consciousness continues after we die. I’m not afraid to die, not that I’m ready to go now but, when the time comes I’m actually excited about making this transition and “seeing” it for myself!
Angela,
What an amazing primer on facing fear! I was really moved by the story from your childhood and how you have turned your life around by facing your fears. Fear has been one of my companions too. Although I have indeed accomplish so much in my life. I try to let that boost me up too. Thanks for this strong dose of encouragement.
HI Sandra,
I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. We all face fears and that is the common denominator amongst us, as Justin points out. When we realized this we can do something about it. When we are unconscious to the forces that drive our behavior, we have even less control over our lives. I feel encouraged, even when the chips are down, if I understand what my obstacles are.
Hi there, Angela.
How are you doing?
I’m not sure about fear. The most painful thing about fear is the pain from all of those unrealized dreams. You know you’re not the only one, but it’s still very, very painful.
I can agree with facing your fears on a financial level, but what about other levels? What about family fears, relationship fears, career fears?
Are they similar or different?
Hi Sol!
I’m doing fine. How about you? I hope you’re well.
I think all fears are equal. It depends on the person and their priorities.
We need to have our basic needs met. If we have no job or income or if we’re homeless and starving, these basic needs will require our immediate attention and be our priority. If we have our basic needs met then our fears about unrealized dreams and family, relationship and career dreams will surface.
Hi Angela,
I love your way of describing how to deal with fear. It took me a longtime before I realized that not fear is the real problem, but the way how I deal with it. Or like Justin puts it: fear is not the problem, only the way how to respond on it.
So becoming “fearless” does not mean “not feeling fear anymore”, but to be able to face it and deal with it.
And I cannot agree more – the more fears we embrace in life, the more confident and wise we become.
Thanks for sharing!
Hi Marc,
Exactly! We’ll probably have different fears to face throughout our lives but the secret of taming them is in how you deal with them. When we’re calm and know deep down that there is always a solution we become confident and fearless in the face of our problems.
Thanks so much for visiting and commenting.
Hi Angela,
Fear is one of those things that we will have to experience for the rest of our lives. I never had a problem with fear, it was my response to fear that I had a problem with.
I tame my fear as well and I can tell you that after the numerous life challenges that have been sent my way I am much better at handling fear.
So many of us have had fear dumped on us as children. It does take work to remove the damage done by fear.
Hi Justin,
I feel the same way about fear.
I guess you could say you’ve mastered fear when you can deal with it calmly without panicking.
I honestly believe we are here to learn how to overcome our fears.
Our parents were scared themselves and didn’t mean to pass on their fears to us. I’m sure if they knew better they would have done better, right?
Angela,
In a perfect world people would realize that fear is an illusion of the mind. The thing with fear is that it is the common denominator in humans. We all experience and feel it.
Fear has been used as a control mechanism forever and it will continue until we say enough is enough.
Even highly conscious people still act in direct opposition of their higher knowing. So to answer your question about if parents knew better they wouldn’t have dumped fear on their children. I can’t honestly answer that. Can You?
Hi Justin,
I do think that when you know better you do better. If a parent has no idea that his or her fears are the driving force behind his or her behavior and reactions then, the fear will be passed onto the child. I believe when a parent becomes “conscious” he or she will have a better chance of addressing the fear and not passing it on to the child. While the highly conscious person will, at times, act in direct opposition to their higher knowing, I still think it will less often than the parent who remains unconscious to the fears driving his or her behavior. I think your right though that, at least for the present, fear is not going away anytime soon.
Hello,
Thanks for nice article. I am always glad to hear something that arouse my courage. Also as someone said before there is no growth without obstacles,so I want to thanks to all things that makes as stronger.
Cheers
Hi Drayce,
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. It’s a pleasure meeting you!
Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Oh Yes fear does inhibit intuition as I discovered this week. I found myself after almost 2 months of being positive and focusing on my healing. This past week I have allowed fear=ego to check in. A friend called it boomeranging backwards and I gave my power away and fell out of gratitude.
Thanks for the big reminder 🙂
love and hugs
Suzie
Hi Suzie,
I know that boomerang effect too well. You think you’re making progress (and you have been) and then “wham!” All the old fears you thought you had licked resurface. I think it’s part of our growth process, a test of sorts, to see if we can tame our fear. I’m sure you’ll be back up to speed soon though!
xoxo,
Angela
Hi Angela, I try to convince myself (and teach others) that fear is in the mind. You can only live in the present; now. But I have to admit that all of that is easier said than done. I have to make presentations as a part of my job – either to clients or staff and also with the soccer team I coach. Despite knowing better (it’s all in my mind!), I still find the edges of fear prior to any presentation. Not rational, really, because I know that when I get going, rapport takes over and I love it. Thanks again for a great insight. Stephen
Hi Stephen,
I’m so glad you shared that about public speaking. I too feel butterflies in my stomach before I begin. I think it’s natural to be somewhat nervous but, after a while, I relax and truly enjoy the connection with the audience.
Hey Angela,
This article is absolutely true. Facing our fears is one of the main ways we learn to grow. Just because we’re afraid of something doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it!
I’m definitely putting this in practice. I’m going to be in a teleconference soon and it is my first time. I’m a little nervous also excited and ready to jump in both feet first.
By the way, did you get my e-mail?
Hi Fred,
I agree. I don’t think we should take stupid risks that could be dangerous to our safety but, we shouldn’t live our lives in a constant state of fear either. I’m glad you’re jumping in with both feet on the teleconference.
How cool is that! Good luck. Give us the details so we can listen in and support you too. Yes, I answered your email today. Sorry for the delay. I get a ton of emails everyday.
You posts are always spot on, Angela.
I loved when you said, “Your fears will control you, rein in your life and you will always “play small” and never reach your true potential.”
I read so much about fears being limiting but never really understood, in a practical sense, what they meant. I get it now. I also liked the train/bus analogy. Also very true.
Is it possible to fear your fear? Sometimes I think I might fear my own fear! Ugh!
Hi Ann,
I’m so glad this piece helped you to understand how limiting your fears can be in your life. That’s great!
Yes, I think it’s possible to fear your fears. I believe that’s what might be called having a “phobia.” You develop such a fear of something that it is blown way out of proportion.
Hi Angela,
I am here again to thank you for a great piece of work on dealing with fear. It did enhance some of the issues I raised in my previous post. What great continuity.
I use to fear public presentations. When the time comes for me to prepare and deliver the presentations I would find all kinds of excused to I’ll prepare or skip it altogether. Naturally when I did present it was bad.
That changed when I was force to start lecturing again for some extra income. I started to realize i better do a good job or there will be less money for the family. It changed me. I started asking what were the best ways to attract and impress my audience? It led me to a lot of training, self reading and experimentation on the topic. I became better and now I look for presentations instead of shunning them. My confidence has soared and presentation has become one of my greatest strength. I feel great when I get good feedback from my classes now.
Hi Jimmy,
I’m so glad to hear you overcame your fear of public speaking too. It is wonderful having the confidence to do it, isn’t it?
Thank you again for contributing your fine article to PbI.
Angela,
Stepping through my fears leads to the greatest growth for me. One of my biggest fears?: Asking for what I want.
When I find the courage to find my voice and then ask for what I want, my world begins to change in remarkable ways.
Here’s to the courage in our souls!
Alex
Hi Alex,
Oh yeah – that’s a big one for me too. I’ve learned to ask for what I want but it was hard and at times I still struggle with it a bit. I had so many feelings of uncertainty as to whether I was being too demanding and self-centered if I asked for something for myself.
I used to fear public speaking/standing before a classroom of people & teaching.
I found I love it!
Like you said, Just do it! You will most likely find that there was really nothing to fear!
Have a great day everyone!
Hi Carol,
So true. Public speaking is fun once you get over the fear. Everyone else is too scared to do it anyway, so you might as well enjoy it!
Thank you for sharing your story. You know, I am just thinking that most of us do live in a fear-based environment. It took me so long to realize that this is a lousy way to live. No longer running away, I undertake the challenge to face my fears. I find that practice really helps and taking on each one successively allows me to conquer bigger and bigger fears.
Hello Evelyn!
I agree – practice does help us in facing fears. It has to become an ingrained habit. And, I believe it does become one after a while. The next time we have a challenge we might “flinch” but, we won’t flee like we might have in the past.
Angela,
Oh…I just *love* this!! Yes, life IS to be lived – and we create our luck by putting ourselves out there, even when there are fears that come up. And…that’s when great things can happen!!
Love that you have shared, also, about your own personal journey with fear…so, so meaningful…
Hi Lance,
It’s my pleasure to share. It “only” took me 30 years to be able to talk about getting fired! LOL. It’s true though – life is to be lived. How sad it must be to stay in your safe little shell all you life.
Hi Angela,
I never looked quite as good as the lady in the top picture when I was having panic attacks, though:)
I lived a fear-based life for years. One thing about NOT facing my fears is that my world continued to get smaller and smaller as my fears grew bigger and bigger.
I now embrace (after a LONG process) life by forcing myself out of my comfort zones on a regular basis. And that has made me feel like there is even more beautiful life that awaits me that I truly never would have dreamed when I was living afraid.
Thanks for writing something that really resonated with me today…
In Harmony,
Jen
Jen,
That’s beautiful! I agree when we “play small” our life becomes smaller. Now that you’ve faced your fears head on a “more wonderful life does await you!”
I, too, have developed the “feel the fear and do it any way” motto. I was terribly fearful my whole life, but having had a brain injury 4 years ago and some lasting effects of that have led me to be have high anxiousness in situations others would consider no big deal.
However, I refuse to live a fear based life or make decisions guided by fear. I know that each time I confront a fear, I grow in many ways. I did some things today that were WAY out of my comfort zone and really forced me to stretch. I am so glad I did them and did not let fear stop me.
Hi Deb,
It’s good to know we share the same motto! I too have experienced so much more in my life because I embraced my fears instead of running away from them.