A guest post for Powered by Intuition by Linda Wolf
Sometimes we wade a bit too deep into emotional waters, and before we know it we’re in over our heads.
You know the feeling – swirling confusion, dread, despair, depression, inability to think clearly, bursts of emotionality, paralysis in making decisions…suddenly your life seems out of control.
When even the smallest step seems overwhelming, you know it’s time for a little emotional CPR.
But how, when you’re swept up by the rip tide, can you possibly look for, never mind grab hold of, that life raft?
Learn Emotional CPR
There are many small and incremental yet forward-moving actions you can take to get yourself breathing again. They don’t require huge effort, just a little attention will go a long way.
Slow down
Often, it’s our “go, go, go” attitude that sends us off the deep end. When we’re about to drown, it’s time to back off, slow down, and take things easier. Remind yourself that getting things done on the task list is not what makes a fulfilling life. Take a breath, take a moment, look around, pay attention, and get present.
What is the one thing right now that you can do to be kind to yourself and ease some of the pressure? Give yourself permission to do that.
Ground yourself
When we have a million things whizzing around in our minds, we are in outer space, not in our lives. Bring yourself to earth by asking what is important right now? Focusing on the immediate moment and what constructive action you can take can bring the wild thinking down to a manageable level.
What grounds you? Quietly sitting with a cup of coffee? Closing your eyes and saying a quick prayer? Going outside and looking at the river? Whatever gets your mind where your body is, do it now.
Ask for help
This one is tough for those of us who believe “If you want something done, do it yourself.” But when things are just too much, it might be time to ask someone to take something off your plate. It’s human nature to want to help one other. When you ask someone for help, you are giving them an opportunity to be of service. Even children can help, and will feel respected and trusted for the responsibility.
What can you ask for help with to ease the pressure?
Take manageable bites
You don’t have to get it all done today! Break those tasks down, and do one small part. Then give yourself a big pat on the back and let it go until tomorrow, when you might do another step in the task. Too many of us suffer from black and white, all or nothing thinking. We might as well be walking the plank. When we take things in small steps, and acknowledge any motion forward as progress, we’re beginning to tread water.
Take one of your “to dos” and make a list of the smaller steps that make it up.
Surround yourself with compassion
Let others do for you what you’re having trouble doing for yourself – give you a little love and understanding. It’s ok, that’s what friends are for. Be good to yourself, too. We all have low points, so give yourself a break, allow that your energy ebbs and flows, and do some intensive self care.
Call a friend, tell him what you’re going through, and let him offer you support.
Refuel your energy source
When we are feeling overwhelmed, we’ve most likely allowed ourselves to become emotionally depleted. We’ve given away our energy without refueling as we go. We must reconnect with a source. Some turn to their faith, others to creativity, or quiet, or a beloved activity or sport. Others spend time with family, or talk to friends. Each of us finds renewal in our own way. Giving ourselves time and permission to rejuvenate is essential to surviving emotional upheaval.
Do something today that you enjoy. Just because.
Self-care, self-care, self-care
Be kind to yourself in all of this. If you’re drowning, the worst thing you can do is panic. Recognize your dilemma, and give yourself choices for self-care. Take breaks during the day. Go on a weekend retreat. Adjust your self-talk to be more allowing and less judgmental. Talk to friends. Do things you love. Allow for fun. Let others help you. Do less. Rest more.
Remember that when you’re emotionally overwhelmed, the worst thing you can do is add to your task list. The key is to take things off your list that cause stress and add others that support relaxing your mind. There is no magic rescue from emotional drowning, but there are plenty of rubber rings and flotation devices that you can hang onto as you steer yourself slowly toward shore.
What is one thing you can give yourself today that nourishes your body, mind, or spirit?
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Linda Wolf writes Insanely Serene (www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com), a blog devoted to her passion for peace of mind and serenity. She shares her experiences and offers practical suggestions for moving from low self-esteem to powerful self-confidence. You can also find her on Twitter at @insanelyserene.
Photo credit from Flickr: Elspeth and Evan.
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It always great to see a counselor if your having trouble with life. This doesn’t make you a lunatic. But it’s often good to get a fresh perspective on your world when things aren’t going right. We all need this and deserve this. So if your feeling bad, just talk it out. It eases the pain.
Hi Jonathan, Yes seeing a counselor is great. I think they do wonderful work. It helps you deal with your emotions.
Great info Linda. The two I’m struggling with right now are “slow down” and “ask for help.” I’m OK with taking moments of down time, but then I’m right back in the middle of it. I used to make a real effort to take Saturday and Sunday off, but somehow I lost that and the days are all blurring together… I’m gonna have to think about what help I need and who I can ask. Thanks!
Hi Katie,
How lovely to have you stop by.
I’m so glad you found Linda’s post helpful. She really has a gift for dealing with the topic of emotions.
Slowing down and asking for help are two biggies – I too haven’t learned those either.
I think taking two consecutive days off is healthy –
Thank you for making the time in your busy schedule to come by and chat with us.
Hi Linda & Angela,
Indeed it is important not to panic and learn how to stop, calm and rest. It is often easier said than done — when we cling to despair, we are clinging to a bear — it will rip us to shreds! Thinking clearly offers the opportunity to not go along with enslaving emotions that can get the better of us
Hi Rob,
Panic and overwhelm can really stop you dead in your tracks. It is so important to learn how to calm yourself down.
I love that! “When we cling to despair, we’re clinging to a bear! Awesome quote!
Enslaving emotions – that’s it for sure. To be free from their bonds we need a clear head and calm heart for sure.
HI Linda and Angela,
I loved this post for the simplicity yet profoundness of it all.
Linda youve done a marvelous job of simplifying those very deep emotional waters.
I personally have been through a bit of an emotional patch recently..and loved the tips here.
Angela a lovely guest writer!
Much love to both you lovely gals,
Z~
Hi Zee,
I’m so glad you enjoyed Linda’s post. It was profound – I agree.
I hope things are settling down in your life now – it’s hard when we encounter turbulence. I know I’ve been there too.
Much love back – and thanks so much for the link love too!
Emotional CPR! Now that is good Linda!
I used to bottle emotions when I was younger, not even telling my parents how I truly felt. I’ve got a lot better at it now, specifically by saying what I truly feel, and by releasing emotions as soon as I feel them coming on strong, but I still feel the pangs of earlier years, where I’d hide away and not express myself to anyone.
I guess it’s very hard to completely move past your childhood experiences, for those experiences help shape you into who you are today. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But I’m trying to move on with my life, to become more independent, more free, and more joyful. It’s a life-long process, but I don’t intend to give up.
Thanks for sharing Linda and Angela 🙂
HI Stuart,
I’m so happy you found Linda’s guest post helpful.
Emotional CPR is a great phrase!
It is a life-long process. Focus on the good in your life and be grateful -and keep on releasing those emotions when you feel them.
You know – even when you’re 40 or 50 life is still a work in progress – so keep on keeping on – and you’ll get there!
Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing your comment with us. I really appreciate it.
Yes! These are really good, solid tips.
For people who suffer from anxiety, often they upend this process by ignoring that all important self-help tip – and by going into full blown panic which prevents execution of all the other points. The adrenaline and cortisol of panic will make absolutely sure that you remain a bunny in headlights and completely paralyzed.
There is a fine line between being able self help and needing to get help. I am convinced that the more we get to know our own “soft points” and read our own signals, the better able we are to take care of ourselves. I know that for me, if I get manic about needing to get too many things done (and start riding my husband about the same thing) that there’s something I need to work on internally that is causing my panic trigger. Time to get back to myself. The rest will, absolutely, take care of itself.
Lovely, well-written post. Very helpful as well.
Hi Diana,
I’m so glad you enjoyed Linda’s wonderful guest post.
I’m the same way about getting overwhelmed when I have too many things to do at once.
I start feeling panicky inside and I don’t like it much.
I’m learning to slow down and do less but focus more – it turns out to be much more productive.
Thanks so much for visiting – all the way from Italy!
Hi Linda and Angela,
Great post – I find that emotional overwhelm can kind of sneak up on me suddenly, and I get stressed out easily, so constant vigilance is the way to go. I always have to be watching to see if I’m feeling stressed before it gets out of control. Any little thing can contribute – food, sleep, hormones, etc., so all of them are important to manage.
Meditation is such a huge element – if I don’t do it, I feel as though there are tiny bees buzzing around in my head all day until I get to it. After I do, though, it makes such a difference, and everything seems so much easier to handle. Exercise helps so much too, even if only in tiny increments. I use a bouncy ball instead of a dining chair, for example.
Angela, I’m sorry to hear about your loss too – I have no idea how you do everything you do, and I’m pretty sure I’d be curled up under the bed if I had to do a tenth of it. Some of us are made of stronger stuff, and you seem to be one of them. Hang in there – you’ll get lots of support from us here, obviously.
Oh, and of course you know by now how I feel about signs. 🙂
Anna,
I’m just like you with the overwhelm sometimes blindsiding me unexpectedly. I think I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok, and then, whoops, I’m not ok. Staying aware of self-care needs is important…I’m glad meditation works for you, that’s cool. I like walking outside, I think looking around and noticing nature brings me to the present better than any other activity. So nice to meet you here.
Best,
Linda
Excellent advice, Angela. this happens much too often. Stopping to remember what is important and enjoying positive thoughts is so helpful. I try to take deep deep breaths when I’m in an emotional whirlwind.
Hi Roe,
I’m so glad you found Linda’s post helpful. I think taking deep breaths when were stressed not only calms us, but helps us to become more grounded.
Rosemarie,
That’s a good one, and tough for me, the breathing thing. Ha! So glad to meet some of Angela’s readers, and hear your ideas for keeping your head above water.
Linda
This is great, and so timely, Angela. There’s a lot of free-floating angst around, due to the earthquake in Japan and our super-moon today. I awoke last night at 2:30 AM and could not get back to sleep until 3:30, a rarity for me. This morning I read a quote from David Neagle that turned my head back around: “Spirit doesn’t speak to your through fear.” Oh, right. What also really helps me is your suggestion to get grounded. Clearly when I’m worried about a million different things, I’m not in my body at all. Thanks for a great post.
Hi Charlotte,
You know – I hadn’t thought of that and then to factor in the Super moon – no wonder I’ve felt so out of sorts lately. Usually I don’t feel down, and if I do I bounce right back. No wonder!
I love David Neagle’s quote. How true it is too.
It makes so much sense that when we’re worried we’re not well grounded in our bodies. We’re off on some emotional whirlwind being batted about by all the emotional currents. I’m so glad you got a lot of Linda’s guest post. I think she’s really touched all of us today.
Thanks Charlotte and Angela, for your thoughtful responses. Charlotte, I can relate to the waking up and not sleeping thing, and I’ve never had that problem either. Just the last few weeks it’s been happening. I’m looking at the supermoon right now, glowing orange over hte ocean, how absolutely gorgeous. Great way to get back in the moment, look really closely at what’s in our immediate surroundings. Thanks for the reminder. –Linda
Great posting and one that even though I didn’t know it before, I needed to read today! I guess you could say that I “needed it”! : )
Thanks for sharing with us. I know it will help many!
Have a super day!
Michael
OutMaturity
Hi Michael,
Are you having a party? I want to come to it! I’ll bring some homemade Greek pastries.
I’m glad you got a lot out of Linda’s guest post – so did I.
Michael,
So glad you enjoyed the post, it is pretty cool how we often hear what we need to, especially when we’re not expecting it.
Linda
I just love the phrase “emotional CPR”. A wonderfully relevant heads-up kind of post. Sometimes, in the rushed life we live, it seems near-impossible to set aside time for healing ourselves. Sadly, even routine things become fantasy and in the too-much-to-do-and-too-little-time situation, we simply end up losing time. Worse still, regret.
Obviously we cannot completely change 🙂 I recently woke up from a situation like that – and simply penciled in breaks. I am working on my ability to let go and say no. The small effort has made a big difference. Finally, it is more important to be happy than get to the end of the to-do list!
Vidya,
So glad to meet you here, I love your additions to this theme, like the idea of strengthening your “let go and say no” muscle. I know what you mean about “waking up” to a situation. Sometimes I get there early, but sometimes I’m completely overwhelmed. This weekend I recognized before crisis time that I needed a break and am on a retreat at the seashore, taking some “me” time. It’s giving me the time and sapce to remember how beautiful the world is and how lucky I am in so many ways, like having eyes to see the gorgeous colors of sea and wave rushing onto sand.
Take good care,
Linda
Hi Vidya,
I’m pleased to meet you. Welcome to PbI. I think Linda wrote a brilliant post. I love the term she coined as well.
I think there are periods in our lives when things are simply out of our control and we do have to function as if we’re on autopilot.
Dealing with things and my mother after my father died, or selling my house and packing and moving without the help of my father – it all seems like a blur now. Now I wonder how did I accomplish it all? I do agree – we should pencil in breaks and not worry so much about getting to the end of the “never-ending” to-do list.
Linda and Angela,
I can look back at Jan and Feb and see how I was (still am) grieving the loss of my mom. Even though the sun is out daily here my world was gray. On my birthday in March I realized it was the first time in my life I didn’t hear her sing or say Happy Birthday. Weird eh? It’s easier now and I’m seeing a lot of blue again. I asked for a sign from her and reminded her several times before she passed.
In January petunias and pansies were planted on both sides of the entryway to the drive to our home. Both were favorites of hers. As I leave to run I can smell the petunias and know it’s her sign!
Tess,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Grief is such an uneven, sometimes unpredictable process. I’m glad you’re starting to feel the light…it does help that spring is finally coming. Looking for signs, something beautiful, is also a good antidote to emotional drowning, to help us believe that no matter how dark the days might be, there is always the possibility of a shift toward light and love. Do take good care of yourself in this time. I’m so glad to hear from you here.
Best,
Linda
Hi Tess,
I really feel for you. I know how hard it was after I lost my father, especially on my birthday and the holidays. It is weird not to hear their voices, isn’t it?
She’s sending you signs I’m sure of it. The pansies are a wonderful sign too.
Thanks for the tips, Angela! I’m sure I’ll be able to apply this kind of CPR in my life. There are times when we seem to lose ourselves in space, unable to move and respond appropriately. I have to remember during such times that I need to be grounded first, and to reconnect to my energy source, who is God Himself. 😉
Hi Joyce,
I’m glad you enjoyed Linda’s article. She is a fabulous writer. You know I feel this way too sometimes. It usually only lasts for a day and then I perk back up. I agree though – we do need to remember to ground ourselves and reconnect to the source of all. Once we do that we see that all is well and behind the seemingly dark clouds the sun still shines.
Angela,
Thank you for the kudos!! You are very kind. I like having positive perky people like you in my life to remind me that it can be a natural state. We all have our challenges in life and I do enjoy seeing your suggestions for using our intuition to overcome them here at Powered by Intuition.
:-),
Linda
Hi Linda,
It’s my pleasure to host you here. You’re writing is fantastic and I want to share it with my readers.
I can relate to what you’ve written about. I lost my father a year and a half ago and began taking care of my elderly mother.
It’s become a full time a job and I feel that I’ve lost my independence, especially since I have no children.
Your tips were exactly what I needed to hear – thank you so much.
Wow, Angela, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I am lucky to have both parents still living. I know quite a few people who have had recent losses, and how difficult the grief process can be. I do hope you are finding ways to be good to yourself and accept the process however it manifests. I know your deep foundation in goodwill and positive thinking will buoy you, and I’m glad I could make a small contribution along the way. Thank you again for your recognition and welcome. Best, Linda
Joyce,
Good to meet you here at Angela’s blog, I always enjoy connecting with other personal development bloggers. Your comment is very relevant for me today, I keep getting this same reminder about connecting to my source. Just reading The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which says, “There is no relationship of greater importance to achieve than the one between you, in your physical body…and the Soul/Source/God from which you have come. If you tend to that relationship first and foremost, you will then…have the stable footing to proceed into other relationships.”
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Best,
Linda