Every act of kindness is like a pebble thrown in a pond sending out ripples far beyond where the pebble entered the water. When we’re caring and kind to our neighbors our actions send rings of kindness that spread from neighbor to neighbor to neighbor. A Manifesto For Making Kindness A Daily Habit.
Kindness is a powerful change agent.
And can touch someone so deeply that it becomes the catalyst for opening up their heart.
When I first entered banking we used messengers to deliver the daily work to the main operations center.
Each day this sour old man named Carl came to pick up our documents. He never smiled or said hello. He seemed to hate the world. He glared at us and we all glared back at him.
One day I decided I would be begin to be very nice to Carl to see if I could “crack” him. It started as a challenge, but after a couple weeks he began to change. At first only I noticed, but soon the whole office was aware of it too.
I began by greeting Carl very warmly each day when he arrived. Initially, he was annoyed by this since my calling him by name and saying hello meant he’d have to respond to me. But it didn’t take long before he didn’t seem to mind at all.
Carl began to smile and acknowledge us when he came in. He’d stop by my desk when he first arrived to chit chat and say hello to me personally. It became his daily habit.
Carl started to open up. Each day he’d reveal a bit more about his life to me. Over time I learned that he was a widower and that his only child had died too. He had no brothers or sisters and no other family.
Carl approached the world as an angry man, but deep down he really was just very sad and lonely. No wonder he glared at the world! It was his way of dealing with his pain.
I can’t say Carl became a darling because of this, but I can say he changed for the better and it was a change noticed by all.
I learned a valuable life lesson that year about the power of simple kindness.
I was raised to be kind to others to look for ways to help when I could. But, this was the first time I’d actively used “kindness” in this way.
I came to understand that soft and gentle ways of dealing with others were much more effective than hard-nosed aggressive tactics. No matter how someone appeared on the outside I knew that inside they just wanted to be liked and valued and to have others take an interest in them. This approach served me well as my career advanced and I began managing larger groups of people.
After seeing how Carl’s heart had opened, I never took the power of simple kindness for granted again. I don’t know what ever became of Carl, but I like to think that feeling valued by our office helped him find some happiness in his life.
I believe kindness to be the touchstone for many other qualities that we value. If we’re kind we’re more apt to be compassionate, considerate, supportive and generous towards others too. Focusing on kindness might inspire more kindness which could even foster a culture of kindness – what a concept. It’s worth trying as far as I’m concerned.
Why not throw your “pebble” in the pond today and see how far the rings travel? You just might find that your kindness made a difference in someone’s life.
Have you ever gone out of your way to be kind to someone who didn’t seem to appreciate it? What happened? Do you think it was a worthwhile effort on your part?
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This post is part of the 31 days of Kindness project initiated by Alex Blackwell of The Bridgmaker. Visit Alex at The Bridgemaker to read all the inspiring articles on the power of kindness and to download the free book: A Manifesto for Making Kindness a Daily Habit.
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This is such a beautiful story, and a great reminder! So often we tell ourselves “God, what an unpleasant person they are!” and we justify our scowl right back at them, but most likely they are thinking the same thing as us! This is a beautiful reminder to smile to all those we meet!
Hi Stacey,
It’s such a pleasure meeting you. Yes, that’s the point. We can do so much with very little effort, so why don’t we do it then? I feel the same way about picking up litter. When I go for a walk I pick up litter and wonder why didn’t the person who threw this here just take it home and put it in the trash? Was it sooo heavy? It’s the little things we can do that make the biggest difference. I really appreciate your coming by and commenting.
I loved this post so much!
I have a good friend in Dallas, TX who all the years I have known her, acts just this way. Always smiling, greeting others first and just making people feel “good”. I am always inspired by her actions!
Thanks for sharing and for reminding us that its the “small” things that do matter………and a smile is a great start!
Michael
OutMaturity
Hi Michael,
It’s wonderful to have a friend like this that inspires. That’s why I do believe that “kindness sends out ripples far beyond where the pebble entered the pond.” One small act of kindness can go a long way – even a smile can make a big ripple.
Everybody needs a little bit of kindness, especially those who appear to be unkind. I agree with you, an angry or grouchy person could just feel lonely deep within. And kindness is like a ray of sun that is able to break through those thick walls of defense, touching the vulnerable human heart that only needs to be loved. 😉
Hi Joyce,
I agree with you – those who appear to be unkind do need the kindness the most. One of my favorite stories is,
“A Christmas Carol,” by Charles Dickens. You can see the transformational power of kindness in that story. The kindness of Bob Cratchit’s family really did “break through those thick walls of defense” in Scrooge’s heart.
What a lovely post Angela! It is amazing how transformative kindness can be.
My mother was an incredible example of living basic kindness at all times. This post has reminded me to make sure that I am aligned with kindness whenever I can be. 🙂
Kara
Hi Kara,
I’m so glad you enjoyed this story. I’m sure if your mother was a great example of living basic kindness – so are you.
But, it can’t hurt to create the intention to be aligned with kindness whenever it’s possible.
Beautiful story, Angela! I love it.
Tim and I do this sort of thing as often as possible. If we get a grumpy server or store clerk, we go out of our way to compliment, and no surprise, they open right up and often start smiling.
We used to have an exceedingly grumpy clerk at our post office. Most everyone in town hated her. She NEVER smiled. But Tim and I chattered at her brightly and asked her about her weekend or what she was doing later in the day or whatever and over time, she started lightening up. Eventually, she started talking to us about her dog, and finally, she ended up joining the local singing group that Tim directed. I’d never call her perky, but she did respond, like your Carl did.
Kindness works wonders and when it’s a habit, it’s as easy as breathing.
Hi Ande,
Exactly! I do that too. It’s funny there was a lady at our post office that was short tempered and closed off and I ended up getting her to open up too! What you did with your post office lady was amazing though! You probably made her feel that she “belonged” somewhere when she joined the singing group. I love this: Kindness works wonders and when it’s a habit, it’s as easy as breathing. Awesome!
Angela,
As I go through any check out lane I challenge myself to make the clerk laugh. I’ve become good at it over the years. Any seed of kindness planted will grow and multiply. It’s easier to be kind than mean spirited and a lot more fun!
Tess,
I love that you do that! I always chit chat with them! I love that: Any seed of kindness planted will grow and multiply. So true.
And, yes it’s so much more fun to be nice and kind than rude and self-absorbed.
Wonderful lesson. It’s the law of attraction really. You get back what you give. You gave kindness, you got some in return. People respond to you, to yoru vibrations. Great lesson. Thanks for reminding me that a little kindness goes a very long way.
Hi Rosmarie,
Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed this post. Yeah, a little kindness does go a very long way.
I love this story! It’s a great illustration of changing your reaction to someone to change your interaction or relationship. I wonder how your act of kindness rippled on from him when he was away from work.
Hi Evie,
I wonder too? I do know that he became friendlier at the other branches he as a messenger for too. At our monthly manager’s meetings I’d chat with the other managers and they would remark that they’d seen a change in him. Again – he never became a “sweet” old guy, but he at least said hello and exchanged pleasantries.
I love the words under the photo “Kindness will heal the world”
Love the story about choosing to be kind to someone who isn’t giving kindness – and doing so consistently. I’ve seen it happen so many times yet it still amazes me to watch it unfold. Often times the initial response is to not act with kindness but to respond the same as what you are receiving – but how amazing it is to choose to act with kindness instead.
Love this post!!
Hi Aileen,
Yes, that’s it. At first I reacted just like everyone else in the bank – with disdain for the rude and grumpy messenger, but then I realized that my acting like he did wouldn’t help the situation at all. I was very young and still immature in many ways at the time – and still feeling a bit insecure about being in management. It occurred to me that I should be a role model for the employees not try to be a “friend” so to speak and act like they did, so that’s one of the reasons I decided to do this.
I love this example of simple kindness! It reminds me of a time when I was pregnant and a sacker carried out my groceries and she wouldn’t accept a $ tip. I got in the car and cried because I couldn’t believe a stranger would help me, just to help me. That girl has no idea her simple kindness cracked the door for me to be able to reach out to others like Renee Trudeau http://www.reneetrudeau.com/blog> and work through an amazing process of feeling worthy and valued. Thank you for reminding me how simple the ripple begins!
Liz
Hi Liz,
I’m so happy to hear about the bagger in the store being so kind and helpful. It is quite amazing when someone goes out of their way for you like that isn’t it? I’m so glad you worked through your issues and are now feeling more worthy and valued. You’re right – it is so simple to be the one that starts that “ripple” in the world!
Hi Angela,
That was a lovely story of kindness that you have shared with us. It is really amazing what a persistent kindness can do to change people. I love this sentence you used. “I came to understand that soft and gentle ways of dealing with others were much more effective than hard-nosed aggressive tactics.” It reminds me a lot of a quote from the I-Ching:
“Penetration produces gradual and inconspicuous effects. It should be effected not by an act of violation but by influence that never lapses. Results of this kind are less striking to the eye than those won by surprise attack, but they are more enduring and more complete.”
I don’t really have a similar experience like you, but I do know that being kind to others does go a long way. Just stopping by and taking an interest in their lives does help people to open up to you. It is always gentle and persistent kindness that does wonders.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article! 🙂
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irving,
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. I really appreciate your quoting the I Ching too.
I’ve never read that quote, but I can see it is very applicable here especially the part about the changes being more enduring and complete.
Being gentle and kind are much effective and powerful tools than control and aggression since they change the heart of the person, rather than just “beat the person into submission.”
I love this story! It’s so true, that the simple act of kindness can make a difference. Plus, it feels good to be kind to someone with no expectations. It feels good to have that kindness reciprocated. And it feels good to be on the receiving end of kindness.
HI Katie,
Yes, it does feel good to be kind without any expectations. You’re so right – I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you.
I do think kindness is the chord that connects us all. I do feel my heart well up when I’m kind and when someone reciprocates kindness. I get teared when my soul is touched by giving and receiving kindness.
A lovely story about Carl. I have noticed that when we pay some attention to the janitors, helpers, security guards and people who tend to be ignored by others, they start to brighten up. They like being seen, heard and acknowledged. No different from anyone of us.
You’re a great inspiring role model for us all, Angela!
Hi Evelyn,
I agree with you – everyone wants to be seen and heard and acknowledged. I always make it a point to look out my window and mouth the words “thank you” to the sanitation workers who pick up the garbage. I really appreciate what they do and I want them to know it.
This is a powerful story, Angela. Not only did you give Carl a great gift you gave your self a gift. Just think how insane it is to resign yourself to being in a foul mood just because somebody else is “… he glared at us and we glared back.” Taking on someone’s disgruntled demeanor is a precious waste of energy. When we greet others with kindness we elevate our consciousness so we are expressing and participating in life with peace, joy and ease.
Hi Rob,
Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed the story and the message. Of course you have articulated the meaning of this story beautifully: When we greet others with kindness we elevate our consciousness so we are expressing and participating in life with peace, joy and ease.
Angela, a great reminder of how kindness can entirely change someone’s life at a profound life.
I bet Carl is still thanking that friendly woman in the Bank who made him realise that HE mattered.
Thanks for sharing your story – it reminded me of the many times when I greet a street cleaner or traffic warden. Invariably, they are surprised intially and then pleased that someone’s taken the time to acknowledge them.
It really is easy to make someone’s day!
Hi Arvind,
How lovely to see your smiling face in the comments section! I’m glad you enjoyed the story. I’d actually forgotten all about it until now – it was such a long time ago. I think we have a lot in common. I also say hello to people who aren’t expecting it. I also like to compliment people whenever possible throughout the day. I think everyone should feel good about themselves.
It is really easy to make someone’s day – you are absolutely right!
Hi Angela,
The world would be a wonderful place if everyone handed out kindness. Actually the world is pretty great when it comes to kindness, the news just doesn’t like to report it as much as the bad news.
If everyone does there part we can make a difference. thank for the reminder. Have a wonderful happy day.
Debbie
Debbie,
It’s so nice meeting you. I love the title of your blog too!
I agree – the world is a lot better in many ways than we are told by the news. I believe most people are nice and doing the best they can to make the world a nice and kind place. But yes, I agree if everyone made a concerted effort to focus on being kind what a difference that would make in the world. I wonder if wars could be averted that way? If only, right?
I love this, Angela – it’s so true. I’ve taken on little “kindness challenges” myself before, on the theory that nobody is actually really mean, they’re only damaged, or sad, or frightened, or something – just as you discovered. The sourest person will typically respond to a personal compliment, and often start being nice to you even if they aren’t to anyone else! In any case it’s fun to try.
I also like to use the affirmation “Mean people are never mean to ME,” and oddly enough that usually works too.
Thanks for the reminder to be kinder! 🙂
Hi Anna,
Yes, you make a great point. Carl was nicer to me than anyone else in the office, but with the entire office taking an interest he became nicer overall. I was quite young when this happened – fresh out of school and it was my first “real” job. I had never met anyone like Carl before. Everyone I’d known up until then had been pretty balanced and normal. When I was hired employees just hated Carl, and at first I went along with it, but then I started to feel sorry for him and decided I would go out of my way to be nice. It really did impact me to see how he responded to this simple kindness.