A guest post by Aileen Mahoney for Powered by Intuition
My wonderful friend had her heart shattered this morning.
Her first words to me on the phone were a tearful “I’ve been lied to for four years.”
For privacy reasons, I’ll call her Julie. The other night her intuition just wouldn’t yield. She couldn’t sleep; she couldn’t shake off an uneasy feeling about her boyfriend. As she described it, “It was like my body just got up and sat in front of the computer. My fingers just typed in his name, and I kept searching to see what came up. I couldn’t stop… The strange thing was that an address came up with his name and it wasn’t the condominium that he lived in, it was a house and Google Maps showed his truck in the driveway.”
She thought it had to be an old picture or old information from before his divorce. Further research revealed that Google Maps updates their information once a year. All she could think of, was “This must be wrong. This couldn’t be his address; it must be a mistake in Google.”
That morning when she dropped her daughter off at school, the address was clear in her mind. Instinctively, she typed it in her GPS and drove thirty miles to the house. She sat in her car outside of the house deciding what to do next. She wondered if she should knock and see who answers. It was definitely his truck in the driveway.
Just then, a woman walked out the front door and toward his truck. Without thinking, Julie jumped out of her car, ran up to her, and said, “Are you Joe’s wife?” The woman looked confused and said, “Yes.”
Julie said, “I’m his girlfriend of four years.”
The two women were in shock. The wife didn’t believe her until Julie showed pictures and texts from her phone. The two women talked for a while. Neither of them knew he was living a double life. Both had said they had a feeling from time to time, that maybe there was someone else, but neither had any proof and just thought they were being insecure.
When Intuition is more accurate than logic
Julie and Joe had met through a matchmaking service and his story was that he was just beginning to date after being separated from his wife for a couple of years. Not too long after they were dating, he told Julie the divorce was final.
He explained that he was still hurt from his pervious marriage and had some commitment issues that he was working on. He told her he was in therapy to deal with his “guarded heart” and asked for her patience. To Julie, this all made sense and she did her best to be “understanding.” After all, she had gone through a divorce herself and had dealt with learning to open up, trust and commit to another.
I remember talking with her a few years ago about certain non-committal behaviors Joe had. Periodically, we both wondered if maybe there was another girl, but all the signs weren’t there and he justified his behavior with his “issues.” It all made enough logical sense to cease the questioning.
When intuition speaks to us, it sometimes contradicts the way we see things and it can appear to be merely a fear based, negative thought about a situation. When her intuition said, “something’s not right” but his words made everything make sense, her intuition seemed to her like insecure thinking.
We can justify almost anything with our logic and point of view, but intuition will keep poking us when we’re not seeing the whole picture.
Common signs a lover is cheating:
1. Change of behavior:
– Becomes too nice or begins giving you gifts when that is not his/her usual behavior. It eases his guilt.
– Hides his/her cell phone, hides bills, or hides things he/she didn’t hide before
– Behavioral change in sex life – less often, more often, acts differently.
2. Excuses – Creates excuses for his/her absences and the stories don’t all match up
3. Disappearing Act – Lots of extra over time, business trips, etc… he/she is not around as much as before. Spends less time with you or is just not available
4. Defensive – In the early days communication seemed to flow, now the person is defensive and non-communicative. Example: His/Her phone rings late at night and he/she gets defensive when you ask about it and turns your question into an issue of your insecurity.
5. Emotional Disconnect – A vacant quality devoid of emotion, you experience the person being emotionally disconnected.
6. Privacy – He/ She becomes protective of their privacy.
Common Signs he/she is married:
1. Cash – Always uses cash, never credit or debit cards.
2. Weekday Visits – Is not available during the weekends (Can justify to spouse that he/she is working late or has business travel during the week.)
3. Leaves Late – Not able to stay overnight, or go away with you.
4. One Phone Number – You only have his cell phone not a home phone. (This one is tricky because many people only have a cell phone these days).
5. Abrupt Parting – Ends his/her internet chat or phone chat abruptly (spouse may have entered the room)
6. Family – You haven’t met his family
7. Habitat – He lives in an apartment that doesn’t look lived in or you’ve never been to his home.
These common signs of cheating are just for reference. Your intuition is often your best signal.
Why reading the signs isn’t enough
There are countless articles and books on “Signs that she/he’s cheating” and “How to know if your mate is cheating.” However, just reading those is not enough especially since your mate might not fit the description perfectly. Maybe he shows one or two out of ten signs, and then you second-guess yourself and your intuition.
In Julie’s case, many of the signs were not there, just a couple of them here and there. He justified everything so smoothly, which is another reason to listen to intuition over logic. The big glaring sign was simply being in a relationship with a non-committal man. He demonstrated the typical towards and away behavior – once he feels too connected he needs more space… then he’s with her all the time for a moment until he gets “scared” again.
When your intuition just won’t quiet down, or it keeps popping up periodically it’s begging you to listen.
Develop Your Intuition
There are countless reasons why it’s important to cultivate our intuition and have it in our daily life. Powered By Intuition has incredible articles about the everyday value of intuition and how to develop it. Intuition can tell us so much if we just listen.
Below are some incredible helpful tips Angela has written for all of us to help us grow our intuition for everyday life:
Develop Your Intuition: It Could Save Your Health
Never Miss an Opportunity Again! Learn To Listen to Your Intuition.
Do You Speak Intuition? How to Crack The Intuition Code
Want Intuitive Guidance? Start Remembering your Dreams
Infidelity & Intuition: Will You Know if Your Spouse Is Cheating?
For Julie, she wishes she listened to her gut instinct years ago, part of her feels grateful that her intuition was relentless the other night and wouldn’t let her sleep until she saw the sign (his address) that would lead her to the truth of his seventeen year marriage and his four-year-old child.
Our dreams, our gut instincts our feelings are all part of our intuition. It carries more helpful information than we realize.
What moments of intuition have had? Any that maybe you doubted at first but turned out to be true?
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“ … continuous, small improvements for an ever-evolving, fulfilling life.”
Aileen Mahoney is the creator of Kaizen Vision
Aileen has a gift for walking, or dancing, with others as they journey beyond their perceived limitations. Having followed many inspirational teachers for over two decades, she continues to learn the value of authenticity and efficiency, and delights in growing and recreating her life. In addition to working with small businesses to improve their business development, she enjoys dancing, performing and sharing her passion for living an authentic life. Aileen is also a section editor for The Daily Brainstorm.
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Hello,
I have read your free chapters of Intuitive Principle and found it very awesome. Every part of my being wants to absorb the whole idea in the book.
It is not possible for me to purchase the book from the Amazon, because my country is not yet on the PayPal list. Moreover I would like to read the whole book without any delay in respect to shipping and other logistics.
In the light of the above, would you please, make available the PDF version of the book for me to purchase and continue reading.
I am presently enrolled in your Intuition course – DAILY OM. Low network connection has not allowed me to really enjoy the course. I hope things could get better soon for me to follow up the course.
I hope to receive your prompt and favourable response.
Thanks.
Daniel
NIGERIA
Hello,
I have read your free chapters of Intuitive Principle and found it very awesome. Every part of my being wants to absorb the whole idea in the book.
It is not possible for me to purchase the book from the Amazon, because my country is not yet on the PayPal list. Moreover I would like to read the whole book without any delay in respect to shipping and other logistics.
In the light of the above, would you please, make available the PDF version of the book for me to purchase and continue reading?
I am presently enrolled in your Intuition course – DAILY OM. Low internet network connection has not allowed me to really enjoy the course. I hope things could get better soon for me to follow up the course.
I hope to receive your prompt and favourable response.
Thanks.
Daniel
NIGERIA
Just shows that there are some cruel people out there that are very good at what they do….cheating. Interesting story and puts things in perspective when it comes to just how long someone can get away with it.
HI Aaron,
Yes, there are definitely cruel people out there.
I do hope you’re able to get over the pain of your situation.
Thank you for visiting and commenting. I appreciate it.
Have you ever used this story before. Because as I was reading it I knew it as if I read it or heard it before. Did you tell me this story, possibly?
Yes I did – last year. You’re not going crazy!
Hi Aileen,
Intuition is a powerful tool that we should pay more attention to in this day and age. All too often many people out there rely on logic while paying little attention to their intuition. This is akin to going through life with one hand tied behind your back. The problem with logic is that there is only so much that we can know based on the facts that we know, see and hear. But logic alone is finite and limited. There are too many things out there beyond our logical comprehension. There are too many events happening, too many intentions that other people have which logic alone could never capture.
Your friend’s story is a perfect example. It’s tragic that she had to find out things the ways she did. But in the long run it is better this way as painful as it is for her. To carry on with someone who was cheating and lying to her behind her back is not a good relationship for anyone to be in. I hope that she would be able to find the strength to overcome the ordeal and to one day heal the scars from this unfortunate incident. Also I hope that she would not be too bitter or mistrustful. Although these are clearly natural reactions, they will prevent her from finding true love. Still I am sure you will be there to guide her through this dark patch in her life. 🙂
I firmly believe that we should balance logic with intuition.
I remember years ago when I started out using the I-Ching to divine events. My logical mind was always skeptical. How could I foretell events through divination? Is it right all the time? The Yijing has proven to be an invaluable companion for me. By enchancing my intuition it has saved me from making mistakes time and time again. Interestingly it has also increased my ability to detect signs. I remember how I used it to foresee how job interviews would turn out. It was very interesting knowing beforehand what to expect, how the interview would go and how I should conduct myself to get the job. And of course doing everything right I did get that job.
My favourite story would have to be ordering a package of books from Amazon. It was my first time and I knew it would arrive on Friday but I did not know what time. But from my divination I managed to deduced the time as around 1-1.30pm. I knew that something bad would happen if I carried out my usual routine of going out to buy lunch during that time. My guess was I would miss my package. So even though it was raining heavily, I went out at 12.30pm to get my lunch and arrived back at 1pm to wait. Sure enough, the package arrived at 1.10pm. Had I been a hermit sitting at the top of a mountain, I would say to the delivery man, I have been waiting for you haha! Of course I can’t always pin point everything with such accuracy, but this is one of the most uncanny experiences that I have had which my logical mind alone could never have foreseen.
Thank you for this article Aileen and thank you for sharing it Angela! 🙂
Irving aka the Vizier
Irving,
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom about intuition here with us. I certainly agree with you, and you’ve put it so beautifully: going through life relying only on logic is like going through life with only one arm tied around your back.
Your intuitive skills are superb – being able to predict time is one of the hardest things to do in intuitive work.
Thank you so much for coming by and adding to the conversation here.
Irving, I enjoyed your view logic and intuition. “… rely on logic while paying little attention to their intuition. This is akin to going through life with one hand tied behind your back”
As you say, balancing logic with intuition is an incredible way to live.
I can feel your friend’s pain. Its a very sad thing, especially this time of year. The feeling of betrayal can be so overwhelming. Brings me back to 1993. My husband of 1 year and I moved into a brand new house. I remember sitting down in the living room and suddenly thinking “something bad is going to happen in this house”. But of course I tried to dismiss the feeling by figuring I was just being paranoid. The feeling kept re-visiting. That summer it got a lot worse. As someone mentioned above my “gut” just told me things were weird. Not right at all. That feeling makes you do things you would never normally do like calling the cell phone company and having the bills faxed to my office. Back then the Internet wasn’t highly available. Then one night my “gut” said there is something in his briefcase that you need to read. I figured out the combination and got in. There was a letter that he wrote one night to the woman that I had thought something was up with because her number was all over “our” cell phone bills. She was a student of his so he figured I wouldn’t think much of it. He wasn’t home the night I found the letter. I had met this woman and her husband one night when she invited us out to a dinner. So furious me phoned her husband to tell him that they were having an affair. (makes me laugh now). He didn’t act surprised. After it was all out in the open and he ended it, we stayed in the same house for 4 years but I never trusted him again. I am so glad your friend still has her own place where she can live safely and eventually move forward. It may be several years before she trusts again, but believe me there are men out there that are trustworthy and well worth the wait!!
Oh my goodness Jenny. I’m so sorry to hear about what you went through. I’m glad you can laugh about it now though. Isn’t it funny the things that we went through that we so horrible at the time – that we can laugh at now? What resilience we human being have. I’m glad you’re in a better place now and able to trust though. I’m sure that “Julie” will be much better after a time also. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing.
Jenny, I’m sorry you had to experience that. It’s something I wish no one would ever have to experience. How wonderful that you have found a path to your own healing – to be able to move forward in life.
I love this post. My whole branding image was a Source of intuition. It first went as me ( Jonathan Figaro), I said bump that, ( positive gangsta to the rescue) had a bit fun with that. Then, it was left with my current branding image ( thedropoutkid). And I love it. It Unique , different and puts me in a league of my own. I would have never ached this level if I didn’t, follow my gut. It pays to trust your mind. Because if the end, if you can’t trust your mind, who can you trust?….
Hey Jonathan,
That’s awesome! I’m so glad to hear that you really trust your intuition. You’re light years ahead of many people then!
Your brand is so unique, you’re right, and of course had you not trusted that gut feeling of your we might have never met.
I’m glad we connected this year. Best wishes for a happy, healthy and successful New Year!
I don’t think it’s ever about stupidity. I think we ignore signs and our intuition because we’re afraid of what steps we’ll have to take if we allow ourselves to see them. We see things when we’re ready and not one second before. It’s only my opinion. I’m just sayin’…
Hugs to your friend!
Tess,
You just “hit the nail on the head!” It’s true we ignore our intuition because as you say, “we’re afraid of what steps we’ll have to take if we allow ourselves to see” the signs. And, yes, we definitely cannot learn our lessons one second before we’re ready inside to accept them.
Tess, I completely agree with you – it’s not about stupidity – “I think we ignore signs and our intuition because we’re afraid of what steps we’ll have to take if we allow ourselves to see them.”
Ladies, I love intuition as much as both of you – I listen to mine all the time now ….for one, I can’t possibly come back and tell Angela I ignored it again ;)! I am amazed at what our intuition tells us and I am a very logical and rational person. I especially trust it about people. I listen to the vibes I feel and sometimes, my heart or my inner voice just says that I don’t like a certain person so I am on guard. I can’t explain it but it never fails to be right….anyway this is awfully sad for Julie of course but better now than later. Aileen how nice to see you here at Angel’s blog. I get to visit both of you with one visit. Great story-telling here, thank you!
Hi Farnoosh,
Aileen’s post was a perfect example of intuition at work. Yes, poor “Julie” if only she’d understood the signals her intuition was giving her. She could have spared herself a great deal of pain. But, the good thing is that she learned a valuable lesson. She now has an intricate understanding of how her intuition speaks to her.
The story is heartbreaking and unfortunately it happens to many of us. Thank you for so candidly sharing the signs for such hurtful behavior. It made me sad to read this article. We have got to not only listen to our intuition, but to act on it.
Hi Lisa,
It is heartbreaking, isn’t it?
That’s the key! Yes, if only we’d listen to our intuition.
Thanks so much for coming by and commenting.
Lisa you are so right about taking action on the wisdom our intuition is telling us – “We have got to not only listen to our intuition, but to act on it.”
Love is blind they say. How true it is. Even when the signs are loud and clear we choose not to listen. I’ve done it myself. You see so many flags and have gut feelings but rationalize them away. That’s why it is so good that you keep reminding us how important it is to follow our intuition.
Yes, it sure is! Thanks Rosemarie.
It’s pretty amazing how we can rationalize almost anything – yet intuition will keep popping up saying “listen, listen.” Our commitment to listening to intuition, and honoring it, will keep us from the detours our logical/rationalizing mind takes us on.
Hi Aileen, Good post, and I especially get it because I’ve been there. Not with cheating but with other stuff in a couple relationships.
The way I have put it was that I didn’t listen to my gut feelings or that “I saw the red flags flying but ignored them”–pretty much the same thing as intuition. But in retrospect, I know now that the reason the flags were flying or my “gut” was reacting or my intuition was gnawing at me was because the way the person was behaving was not acceptable to me. It wasn’t OK, but I didn’t have words for it. I didn’t know what my needs were nor where my boundaries were with certain things. I learned some big lessons, and no doubt your friend has as well or will realize them as time goes by and she starts healing.
Give your friend a hug for me, please. No doubt she’s glad she paid attention but at the same time probably in a lot of emotional pain, and it takes awhile to get over such a huge betrayal. I hope she never has to go through something like this again.
Hi Leah,
Aileen did such a great job with this article!
It’s a great topic too.
Leah, I can relate to the reality of “It wasn’t OK, but I didn’t have words for it” – I feel it’s a common thing for people to experience when being manipulated. The journey into self knowledge and self love can have many tough lessons. I wish no one had to endure them. The more I understand intuition the more it makes sense what those “gut feelings” are and how it’s communicating – speaking to us in its language.
Hi Evelyn, it does take courage to follow our intuition and to let go of relationships (and things) we’ve been attached to. Our inner guidance is pretty amazing.
I have got a number of friends and clients who have gone through similar situations. I enjoyed how you related it to listening to the intuition. It takes courage to act on that inner voice and the belief that life can change for the better thereafter.
Hi Evelyn,
So many of us can relate to Aileen’s friend’s story. We humans have a great capacity for suppressing the truth from reaching our consciousness when we want something badly enough!
Hi Aileen! My sister encountered a similar situations and all the signs you listed were present. Since she had a feeling that something was off but she couldn’t prove it, she ended up breaking up with him. I think that was a smart move now that I read your post.
Thanks for the advice and I wish your friend good luck. Loving blessings!
Andrea,
I’m glad your sister listened to her intuition and broke up with him.
She probably avoided a lot more pain.
She made a wonderful choice! Too often people look for proof and they don’t see it – all the while intuition is screaming out trying to help us.
Great post Aileen – my heart goes out to your friend.
It’s probably no consolation to her right now but she is better off without him.
She deserves someone willing to commit to her whole-heartedly.
Hi Arvind,
I think you’re so right about that! She’s better off without him for sure.
You are quite right Arvind! It’s been a powerful lesson for her and she’s seeing so much now – including seeing that if she honored her needs she wouldn’t have stayed with a man who wasn’t giving her the commitment she was seeking. It’s been quite an internal earth quake of self-discoveries… still it’s hard to deal with but I’m happy to see her go through it as self discovery and getting clearer on what she wants and how she was too compromising.
I spent 18 years with a man who wasn’t who I thought he was. For 18 years I kept convincing myself that he was a nice person, always looking for the good in him and ignoring my intuition telling me that something wasn’t right.
When I found out I was devastated, at his deceit, at my stupidity.
But at least now I’m free and trust my intuition completely, even, or especially, when it seems illogical….
Dorothy,
I’m so happy you got away from this man. Isn’t it funny how we “convince” ourselves of something.
While all the time we have that little voice in the back of our heads saying – No, no, no!!
Yes, you paid I high price, but now you know to trust your intuition. I’m glad to hear that!
Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your story with us.
Dorothy, I’m happy to hear that you are now free and you’re trusting your intuition. I’m sorry you had to endure 18 years of a lie – I believe there wasn’t stupidity on your part, just a manipulated heart and mind. These type of people have a way of manipulating others and you unfortunately were caught in his web.
So, so happy you are free now
Angela, thank you for having this post.
I love how – being open to having a guest post – came up in your mediation the day I emailed you asking if this one could be a post on your site. Intuition spoke and then we did. I’m ever amazed with intuition.
Aileen,
Thank you so much for offering! You wrote a wonderful story that I think will help many people.
Yes, it was the perfect demonstration of intuition. Hearing that I should start offering guest posts – and then hearing from you on the very same day!