Mediumship: From Grief to Healing Relief

Mediumship: From Grief to Healing Relief

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Mediumship: From Grief to Healing Relief

(A Personal Story)

By Vicki C.

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One beautiful Monday morning in late summer, I woke with a start.  

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Something was off, Michael had not come to bed.  

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He often fell asleep on the couch and preferred to stay there until he woke up and came to bed.  This didn’t really fit my picture of how “things should be”, but I learned to let him do it his way and I also learned that I could spread way out in bed and fall asleep easily. But this morning he wasn’t there and it was very quiet in our home even though he was usually the first one up making coffee.

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I felt scared and I knew something was wrong.  

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He hadn’t been feeling very well the last few days and his back was in spasm which caused him a lot of pain.  Because of that pain he had increased his meds and showed signs of that.  Many times I had said to him when I saw the little mound of pills in his palm before bedtime, “Michael, I wish you wouldn’t take so many, one of these days I’m not going to be able to wake you up!”

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Of course he played macho with me and said he knew what he was doing, but I didn’t think he did.  He took pills for too many different things.  Pills for post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, physical pain in his back and joints, nightmares from Vietnam and pills to stop the itching because he had psoriatic arthritis. There were also muscle relaxers and pills for a tremor in his hand.

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He was not a happy man and hadn’t been for years.  His burden was too heavy and he no longer felt like the ‘real man’ that he once had been. I knew he was unhappy and wanted to “go HOME” but he didn’t believe in suicide and didn’t want to hurt me and his three adult children so he kept on going.  He listened to a lot of music because he was a musician, a drummer in his youth, and he was smart and witty but rarely smiled or laughed anymore like he used to.

When I went to bed on Sunday night I covered him with a sheet so the fan wouldn’t give him a chill. He was on his back and snoring quietly. I had no idea that was the last time I would see him alive.  

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We had planned a trip to Cancun, Mexico and we were both excited, although I was doubting that it would be as wonderful as I wanted it to be. He was just not in good shape.  The veteran’s hospital had pulled his teeth months earlier but it wasn’t until the week before he died that they finally gave him his dentures. He could barely eat with them and the all inclusive resort we were going to had eleven restaurants.  

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I felt very troubled about this disconnect from his reality but we had booked the trip and planned on going.  We both desperately needed the relaxation and the fun. Still, I felt off all weekend and so was he, something just didn’t feel right at all.

I got up out of bed, trying to ignore my growing dread and headed for the bathroom. I could see him laying on the couch from there and I looked at his belly to see that it was moving in and out.  It didn’t look like it was.  I was filled with horror but I went into the bathroom hoping I was wrong.  I just had to be wrong.  We had been together for 21 years and he was my life.  

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It wasn’t easy but we were there for each other and I somehow felt safer in the world with him by my side.

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I finished and came right out, walked slowly toward him and I could feel the emptiness in the room. He was on his side, his legs over the side of the sofa and both arms hanging down. A little sofa pillow pressed into his nose and mouth, as if he had rolled into it. There was no life there. I could feel it, there was no Michael there.

“Oh no honey, no” I whispered.  

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My insides turned to ice, he was cold and his color was drained. When I moved the pillow from his face his nose was distorted and the area around his mouth discolored. My God, what happened I thought, and yet I knew; he took one too many pills that night and his poor body just couldn’t take it anymore. When he had rolled into that pillow he didn’t have the strength to take another breath. I went into immediate shock and didn’t know what to do, this had never happened to me before.  

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This was my fear coming true right there now, now, now… My apartment manager, my friend Judy, she would be at work, she would know what to do, she could think for me because I sure wasn’t able to do it.  I called her on the phone, barely speaking, I told her, “Michael is dead!”  She made me repeat it as she couldn’t believe what I was saying. They always gave each other a ribbing in fun, both German through and through and both right about everything.  “Please come up, please come…”

“I’m coming!”, and she did, just as fast as her short legs could carry her.  She came in the door, hugged me then looked at Michael and called 911. She sat by me and held my hand and talked to me a bit, asked me a few questions, it’s all a blur except she was there and I wasn’t all alone with my departed loved one.

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Then she had me call his daughter and his son. The hardest calls I ever made. In their shock they said they would be there as soon as possible. By then there were six or seven officers in the room, police and fire officers I believe. They had lots of questions but were very gentle and respectful of my state of mind. In between I made calls to my own family who were also in complete shock. I told them we would talk later.

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At one point everyone left the apartment for a few minutes and I was left alone with Michael. I was able to hug his cold body and kiss his face and tell him goodbye. I don’t remember the words but I am so glad I had those few minutes to tell him I loved him and that I knew he was just passing on to a better place and he wouldn’t be in pain anymore.  

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Then the Coroner’s Office came and they wanted to remove his body. They asked us to step into another room to spare us the shock of seeing him lifted up and removed. I’m so glad they asked us to do that. I would hate to remember that scene over and over in my mind.


When the Coroner was gone and all of the officers, Michael’s daughter suggested we go over to her house so we could get our minds around what had happened. She also had to call her sister from out of state because she knew she would want to drive back with her four children to be with the family. We all left quickly, just wanting to walk away from the pain.


Later I called my friends and one of those friends was Angela. She met Michael once years ago and was shocked to learn that he had died. She offered a reading if I needed one when I was ready. 

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I was ready and so excited about us possibly make contact with him and finding out, hopefully, what had happened during the night. So we set a date for the reading.

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Little did Angela know that it wouldn’t be just me, but my three grown step-children also. I asked her if this would be alright with her and she said yes. As we all sat around my apartment size living room, with the phone on speaker on the coffee table you could feel the excitement in the room. It had been a very painful and confusing time for all of us.


And so we began, Angela went into her “space” and immediately Michael was there. In her mind she clearly saw him and told us where he was standing in the apartment, even though she had never been here before. He looked young and healthy again. She had told us that if he showed up he would place pictures, thoughts and words into her mind which she would most likely not understand. She would share these scenes, words and feelings with us and we would interpret what she told us.  

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Well, he came through with immediate “Michael” humor, and we all knew it was him. He stood by the patio door smiling and said, “So this is how I get your attention?”  He was referring to his adult children who didn’t conform to his expectations of staying regularly in touch with him or returning his phone calls.


From there the reading continued and again and again personal information came through that we understood and that validated that it was Michael. He made us laugh, he made us cry, he told us that he rose off the couch in the middle of the night and saw a man laying on the couch. He didn’t recognize him and he came into the bedroom to tell me about it. He couldn’t wake me and then he realized, in true shock, that he had taken too much of his medication and he had passed. He went back to the body on the couch and saw that the body was indeed him.  

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He passed and his mother was there to meet him.  He described how happy he felt, a bit dazed, but wonderful. His spirit hugged each one of us, he also bent over to show us how he could now touch his toes again and that his skin was clear.

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He had suffered with terrible back pain for years and had a severe case of psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis all of which restricted his movement. He also suffered from post traumatic stress disorder from the his sniper days in the Vietnam War. Michael was and is a wonderful man but was a very injured soul.  

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We all felt so happy to know that his pain was gone, but as his eldest daughter said, in tears, “We are so happy he is well and feels wonderful we only wish we could have shared that with him here.”


He had much to say to us, as he had in life, and he told us we had all been blessings in his life and that nothing but love matters, and to have no guilt or worries because love is the only thing that you take with you. He told us he wished he could have seen all the blessings in his in life from behind his darkness and that he had a lot to work on. Then his mother came through behaving and looking much as she had in life, and took his hand and told him it was time to go, there was much to do.

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It was an incredible session. Each of us lightened up by leaps and bounds. Our hearts were happy for him and for understanding what had happened.  

His oldest daughter had been in terrible anxiety from the guilt of not having called him for three weeks. After the reading she was ecstatic with joy after he expressed his love for her. The pain had lifted and has never returned.

We all felt sad and shocked by his not being with us anymore, but that reading was a miracle for us. The reading gave us all such a gift, a way to let go and accept his passing. We knew, without a doubt that he is in a better place and free from this world of physical and emotional pain.  

We love you Michael, you were our blessing too!

If  you are grieving the loss of a loved one know that they can and will communicate with you when you are ready. Has communicating with a departed loved one helped you heal from grief? Share your experience with us in the comments.

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