Today I have the pleasure of sharing a fascinating interview with Jane Duncan Rogers, author of “Gifted by Grief.”
“Gifted by Grief” is an inspiring story. Dealing with grief and loss after the passing of her beloved husband Phillip, was the catalyst that helped Jane find herself and connect more deeply to her purpose and passion for living her own life. It’s an amazing book that motivates people to live up to their full potential and a guide to help those who are grieving navigate those dark waters. –Angela Artemis
Read the full interview or listen to it. To listen click on the Audio Player below:
- Jane, what led you to write “Gifted by Grief?”
I always knew I would write about this experience. Well, I was already writing about it in my journal, from day one of Philip’s diagnosis, just like I’d been writing in my journal since I was in my teens.
I also knew I needed to wait until the time was right – and I knew that the time would be right when I felt utterly compelled to do it. Sure enough, that’s what happened, and one morning on holiday when I was ill and had to stay in bed, I created a MindMap of the outline. It surprised me when I got home that I didn’t immediately start writing! But I trusted that I would know, and sure enough, in a few months, again on holiday, I woke one morning and just knew the time was right.
2. How did you feel when Philip was diagnosed, and you found yourselves coming face to face with the possibility of death?
It was a huge shock initially. It prompted a long conversation between us which led to us feeling closer than we had done for ages. Philip made some significant changes in his life which I could see were benefitting him but they benefitted me too. That’s why in the end we were able to be grateful for what cancer had brought, even though by that time we knew he would die from it. Strange paradox that, but it’s true.
- There’s a story in the book about The List – can you tell me more about that?
We’d received an email from a friend of ours insisting we address various questions about the end of life. They were quite pointed some of them, like what kind of coffin do you want, what personal items do you want to leave to anyone in particular, and did I know Philip’s user names and passwords. We resisted doing this for quite a while but eventually I pinned Philip down and we answered them together. It was hard, but in the end, after a couple of hours we were done, and we felt great. It was another thing that created great intimacy, which was wonderful. It felt like our last project together – although now I think this book is the last project!
- For most people their journals are very private. Yet you have shared intimately from them. How do you feel about that now it’s in print?
Well, I feel very strongly about bringing grief out of the closet, so to speak. As baby boomers get older, there is quite a lot around now about death and dying, but not so much that focuses on grief, and the effects of that.
One of the effects of the book is that you get an insight into the minds of both myself as the carer and survivor, and Philip as the patient (through his blog entries). I hope this will help readers to understand that though the feelings may be strong, you CAN get through this. Also I hope it will help people who are grieving to not hide away. I read about so many people who feel they have to pretend that they are all right. I rarely did that, and I was lucky in that I had friends who encouraged me to express how I felt in the moment. That’s how I discovered that if you just let whatever feeling be there, it will go, and usually quite quickly. It’s the ‘trying not to have it’ that actually keeps it there.
6. Tell me about “The Listening?”
The Listening was a kind of channeled writing that had been coming through me for several years previously. One day I was out walking, railing at God because I wasn’t able to have children. Suddenly I heard a ‘voice’ telling me ‘You are not meant to have children in this life; your life is purely a spiritual one’. I was amazed. Over time a relationship with this voice developed, and I discovered it was easiest to hear it if I was writing the words down. By now these were words that I saw in my mind’s eye. I have journals full of them, and they are always, unfailingly, loving and truthful. Here’s an example from my book, about 15 months after my husband had died:
“Death is but a passing from one form to another without fear or clinging. As easy as moving through a doorway from one room to another, and as lacking in fear. So come to this doorway when you are ready to anoint and bless your true Self. Stillness is the secret passage through which this journey is made, and indeed is what life is made of, in essence.”
As you can imagine, I found The Listening very helpful during this time.
- There was a very strong impact for you when Philip actually died, and you saw only a ‘dead body’. It’s not like that for everyone, is it? So how can you relate to others who maybe still see their loved ones as being a body?
It shocked me, that. I had seen one dead body before and I knew from that experience that you can see the life force has disappeared. But what was really amazing about that time was how disinterested I was in his body. That helped in then exploring what IS in this body that is sitting talking to you now. Which as you know set me off on quite a journey!
If others are relating still to their loved ones as if they were a body that is no longer here, that’s fine, so long as it isn’t causing complicated stress or stopping them from thriving in their lives. It’s too easy with grief to get stuck, and when that happens you need a helping hand to get you out, even if you feel ambivalent about it.
- What should people do if they feel they are stuck in grief?
When you’re hit by grief, it’s often a shock even if you knew what to expect (that happened to me) and then you have to adjust to a new situation. Eventually you get used to that situation, even if you don’t like it much. That in itself then becomes familiar over time, and when something has become familiar it can be easy to want to stay there, even if you are hurting still.
If you’re stuck and you know it, then that is the most important thing. Because then little by little you can take steps to get out of the hole of grief. But you may have become used to this new situation and its become familiar, but you know you’re not happy and thriving. Well, the obvious answer to this is that you want your loved one back and then everything will be all right.
I had personal counseling and coaching which helped me, but I also had my own background of therapeutic training which helped me realize what was going on. I never wanted to join a group – the others’ pain was too much for me, and then when I began to feel stronger, I didn’t have the need for it. So – get support is my answer in short!
- Tell me more about the shift that happened for you when you realized you are peace itself.
Well, everything looks the same and yet is experienced quite differently. Not all the time, but most of the time. Result – I am much more relaxed, at peace, able to move easily throughout life, have relationships with people.
The effect of it is that the dramas of life simply are not so important any more. People who are bereaved often say this, but in this case, it’s nearly 4 years now and they are still not very important. It’s like the dramas of an individual life are stories in a story book – to be read, enjoyed, but not really believed as the truth. When you can view your own life and that of others like that, and you know that you really are the peace that underlies all these stories, then you become much less attached to how the story turns out. Which makes for a much more peaceful life!
- Most people would think that a happy ending to the death of a spouse would be meeting someone else that you can fall in love with (without forgetting your previous spouse, of course). That’s not your happy ending – or is there something you’re not telling us?!
When you’re dependent on something or someone outside of you, then there will inevitably be loss at some point. What you think you can get from the outside and bring to your inside is always, by definition, transitory. It’s only when you turn that upside down, and focus on coming from inside towards the outer, that you discover experiences and a sense of who you truly are. And who you truly are has never begun, never ends, is always there. It flows through a body called Jane or Angela, for instance, but it never goes away.
That seems to me to be much more valuable than meeting another man! And yet – I’m living at a practical level too, and so it would be great to meet someone.
- What can listeners do if they want to know more about you and your work?
Buy the book! Gifted By Grief: A True Story of Cancer, Loss and Rebirth.
Visit my website www.giftedbygrief.com where they will be able to download the prologue and first two chapters. And then buy on Amazon, where it is discounted for your readers only from Monday 19th October – Friday 23rd, making it just $2.99 instead of $8.80.
Join my Facebook group – go to Facebook and put in Gifted By Grief and you’ll find it
Email me firstname.lastname@example.org to tell me if you are interested in joining a group to get your own copy of The List done.
Want to meet me? I’d love to meet you in person.
Come on out to the Awaken Wellness Fair
November 22, 2015 where I’m speaking. Click here for details.
If you have ever lost someone close to you then you are no stranger to grief, mourning and the feeling of emptiness that comes with losing a loved one.
The emptiness has been likened to feeling that there is a hole in your soul that will never again be filled or as if you have lost a piece of you.
Claudio Pisani, MD from Laurio, South Italy and his wife went through the traumatic loss of two of their children. Claudio’s pain and suffering led him to spiritualism (belief that our essence survives physical death) and healing from grief. Over time through his research and direct experiences with mediums he went from skeptic and atheist to a huge promoter of the doctrine of spiritualism in his native country.
Claudio’s website: La Pagina degli Amputee translated to English: THE AMPUTATED PARENTS’ PAGE is an enormous wealth of information on the subject of dealing with loss, understanding how we survive physical death and mediumship. Claudio has been curating information from all over the Internet for years. Even if you do not read Italian you can visit his site and have Google translate it for you.
Today I’m happy to introduce you to Claudio, The Amputated Parents’ Page and his body of work:
1. Please tell Powered by Intuition readers about how you came to start your website, The Amputed Parents’ Page? – http://WWW.AMPUPAGE.IT
I WAS ONCE A “COLD CATHOLIC” NOW I AM A CHRISTIAN SPIRITUALIST AND THIS HELPS ME TO BEAR WITH THE TROUBLES OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE. NOW I KNOW THAT “NOTHING HAPPENS BY CHANCE”, ALSO DEATH.
I WANTED TO KNOW “WHERE” WAS MY SON NICOLA AND THE OTHER LITTLE ONE, SANDRA, WHO DIED 7 DAYS AFTER HER BIRTH, TEN YEARS BEFORE NICOLA.
I DIDN’T TRUST PRIESTS AND RELIGIONS, BUT I KNEW THAT DEATH IS NOT THE END, BECAUSE I’D ALREADY READ MANY BOOKS ON THIS TOPIC BEFORE I WAS MARRIED. THAT NOT FORGOTTEN KNOWLEDGE, POPPED UP IN MY MIND DURING THOSE TERRIBLE DAYS AND I BEGAN MY SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH, THANKS TO INTERNET.
IT WAS IN NOVEMBER OF 1999 WHEN I BEGAN TO WRITE MY WEBSITE, AFTER HAVING READ A LOT ON NDE’s (near death experiences), ADC’S (after death communication) AND AFTER MANY CONTACTS WITH MY SON, THANKS TO A TALENTED AMERICAN MEDIUM, NATALIE WHO WAS ABLE TO DO READINGS BY E-MAIL AND CHATROOMS…. UNLUCKILY SHE CROSSED OVER SOME YEARS AGO…
I THOUGHT THAT THE INFORMATION IN ITALY ABOUT THE SPIRITUALITY WAS TOO SCARCE AND THAT A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO THOSE NEW POINTS OF VIEW OF MANY SCIENTISTS, MEDIUMS, EXPLORERS OF THE AFTERLIFE COULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL FOR ALL THE “AMPUTATED PARENTS” LIKE ME. THEN I HAD ALSO AN ENGLISH VERSION OF IT, BUT AFTER A FEW YEARS , I CLOSED IT BECAUSE THE TRANSLATION JOB WAS TOO HUGE FOR ME. SINCE THEN, I HAD A LOT OF CONTACT WITH OTHER “AMPUTATEES” AND ALSO MET MANY OF THEM DURING THE INTERNATIONAL CONGRESSES OF PARAPSYCHOLOGY I USED TO ATTEND, BOTH AS A LECTURER AND AS A GUEST.
NOW, WITH THE HELP OF SOME FRIENDS, I DO MINI MEETINGS WITH LOCAL GRIEVING PEOPLE, TOO
2. Please tell readers why you use the word “amputee” in your website title.
BECAUSE TO LOSE A SON IS LIKE TO MISS AN ARM, AN EYE….!
3. How has believing in an afterlife changed you? Your life?
TOTALLY!!! I DON’T FEAR DEATH ANYMORE, EVEN IF I FEAR OF “HOW” WE COULD DIE.
(Being a doctor, I cope everyday with long and horrible maladies of older people)
SO, EVERYDAY I ASK MY SON -WHEN MY TIME WILL COME- TO DO IT FAST AND IN THE BEST WAY, NO MATTER WHEN IT WILL BE, EVEN TOMORROW! BTW MY FAVORITE SONG IS “THE SPIRIT CARRIES ON”(DREAM THEATER), DO YOU KNOW IT?
4. As a doctor do you share this information with patients? How receptive are they?
NOT WITH MANY. MOST OF MY PATIENTS ARE ILLITERATE NOR SURF THE WEB. ONLY FEW OF THEM CAN UNDERSTAND MY NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT DEATH. SUPERSTITION IS STILL VERY COMMON HERE AND WHEN YOU DARE TO SPEAK OF DEATH, THE MAJORITY -HOW CAN I EXPLAIN TO YOU…KNOCK ON WOOD (EVEN IF WE ITALIANS DO ANOTHER GESTURE CALLED “CORNA” -HORNS)….. THE VERY FEW WHO READ MY WEBSITE DON’T COME OUT WITH EASY TO SPEAK ABOUT THOSE TOPICS. REMEMBER THAT CATHOLIC CHURCH USED TO BURN ON THE STAKE THOSE WHO TRIED TO CONTACT THE DEATHS!
ONLY FEW PATIENTS ARE ENOUGH OPEN MINDED AND MANY ITALIANS ARE VERY FUNDAMENTALIST ON THESE TOPICS.
5. What do you hope that sharing this information on your website will accomplish?
ABOUT 400 PEOPLE/DAY COME TO READ MY WEBSITE, I HOPE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS ABOUT DEATH, GRIEF AND SORROW CAUSED BY A BIG LOSS. MANY READERS SEND ME EMAILS TO GIVE THANKS AND/OR FOR ASKING ADVICES OR INFORMATION ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE, VERY RARELY SOME DON’T AGREE WITH MY POINTS OF VIEW ABOUT REINCARNATION AND THE MANY “LEVELS” OF THE AFTERLIFE.
I’M IN CONTACT WITH MANY SCHOLARS ALL OVER THE WORLD (FOR EX. VICTOR ZAMMIT, ANTHONY BRAGAGLIA, MIKE TYMN, MICHAEL PRESCOTT GARY SCHWARTZ,KEVIN WILLIAMS, BRUCE MOEN, ETC.) AND…LAST BUT NOT LEAST, YOU, ANGELA!
ALL OF THEM CAN REPUBLISH MY ARTICLES FOR THEIR WEBSITES AND VICE-VERSA, BECAUSE I HATE THE COPYRIGHT, AT LEAST IN THIS FIELD OF RESEARCH.
MY JOB IS AT DISPOSAL OF ALL THE WORLD FOR FREE AND I’D LIKE THAT EVERYONE WOULD DO THE SAME…
6. What can we do to be prepared at the moment of our own transition?
FIRSTLY, BEAR IN MIND THAT THE CONDITIONS (ENVIRONMENT, LEVEL, PEOPLE WITH WHOM WE’LL SHARE THE SAME PLACE, ETC.) DEPEND A LOT ON OUR LIFE’S BEHAVIOR. “LAST MINUTE” REPENTING CAN’T SEND US TO THE HEAVEN INSTEAD OF TO THE HELL! WE’LL REAP WHAT WE’VE SOWED BUT I’M SURE THAT WE DON’T NEED TO BE HEROES TO GAIN A COMFORTABLE LEVEL OF EXISTENCE AFTER DEATH.
SPIRITS SAY THAT EVEN A SMILE, A WARM FEELING OF LOVE CAN BE ENOUGH TO BE SAVED. MORE WE SHOULD TRY TO “IMAGINE” OUR PLACE, PEOPLE WHO WOULD MEET AGAIN, ETC., VISUALIZING EVERY DETAIL OF OUR NEW “HOME.” IMAGINATION (NOT FANTASY) IS A POWERFUL TOOL TO BUILD OUR PERSONAL “FOCUS” AND WE MUST SHARE THIS PLACE WITH OUR LOVED ONES, INVITING THEM TO GO THERE AFTER TRANSITION. BE GENTLE WITH EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THOSE WE DON’T LIKE, SOMETIMES OUR ENEMIES ARE OUR MASTERS!
7. What’s next for you? What projects or goals are you working on?
TO GO ON UNTIL THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE, HOPING TO HAVE GIVEN HELP AND SOLACE TO MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE!
Claudio thank you so much for honoring Powered by Intuition with this interview. –Angela
Have you ever experienced loss so deep it was as if you had lost a piece of yourself? How did you cope? Share your experience with us.
If you enjoyed this interview share it with a friend on Twitter, Facebook or Google+. Thank you!
P.S. Explore and expand your intuition: Start here!
Claudio Pisani, MD is a general practitioner who works for the Italian National Health System. He is also a writer, published author and publisher of content intended to help parents who are coping and healing from the loss of a child. Claudio covers topics such as spiritualism, mediumship, scientific studies on parapsychology and life after death on his website: THE AMPUTATED PARENTS’ PAGE. He lives with his family in Lauria, Region Basilicata, South Italy.You can find out more about Claudio and his work by visiting his website or follow him on Twitter:
Photo Credit: © soup studio – Fotolia.com
- The Great Pool of Grief (psychologytoday.com)
- 5 Encounters with Spirit (poweredbyintuition.com
- Grieving a Loved One (poweredbyintuition.com)
“Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them” – George Eliot
After getting the call that my father passed away, I picked up my mother and raced to the hospital.
The nurse handed us a brown paper bag with his personal effects and then led us to the room where he spent his last moments alive. I looked at him but, while it was his body – it was no longer him. I “knew” he was no longer in there.
I pulled two chairs along side of the hospital bed and we sat down, neither one of us saying a word.
After a while my eyes began playing tricks on me. Had he just blinked?
No. It was just wishful thinking.
“Dad, talk to me, please,” I thought while staring intently at his lifeless body. “Are you alright? Was someone here from the spirit world to meet you when you vacated your body?”
I had so many thoughts racing through my mind. Would he come through to me?
I didn’t want to upset my mother. She cried softly into a tissue held over the bottom half of her face. I forced back my own tears so, I wouldn’t make it any worse for her.
My mother got up to use the restroom, leaning heavily on her cane as she walked into the hospital corridor.
And when she left the room, it happened.
Suddenly, on the other side of the bed stood my father and his sister with their arms around one another – beaming! A wavy light framed them. This light had “depth” to it, almost as if it were a portal where I could “walk” into their world and join them if I wanted to. And, oh how I wanted to but, I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place, transfixed by what I was seeing.
Neither of them said anything but, they didn’t have to. I could tell from the expression on their faces that they were laughing and enjoying their reunion. I felt my heart open up and wave of love from the two of them poured into it. The love they sent was beyond words to describe. It hit me with a mighty force – thwack!
My father was wearing his favorite safari jacket and beloved Greek fisherman’s cap. My aunt glowed in a peacock blue gown and matching scarf in her hair. And then, in flash they disappeared.
“No! Wait,” I cried.
I bounded to the other side of the bed where they had stood only seconds before, “Come back. Talk to me, please.”
But, it was over and they had gone.
“What if it was my imagination,” I thought beginning to doubt myself. Had I really seen them or had my desire to “see” my father created this vision?
I pulled a tissue from my purse to wipe my eyes and sat down.
I kept looking around the room hoping that my father and aunt would reappear but, they never did.
That evening I called a fellow medium.
I told her that I’d seen my father but, gave her no details other than telling her he hadn’t said anything to me.
“Can you bring my father through?” I asked rather impatiently. “I have to know he is alright.”
And then she said, “He’s here and he is with a woman wearing a long blue dress with a matching blue band in her hair.”
My knees actually buckled. I was so happy. She was seeing exactly what I had seen.
Andrea accurately described my father, whom she had never met, and what I had seen him wearing. He told her how he had passed and that he was now okay. He described his “journey to the other side” as being “out of this world” which was also extremely evidential. One of his favorite phrases had been to say, “It was out of this world.”
He also showed her several other relatives he was celebrating being reunited with and gave their names – all of whom I recognized. Everything she saw and heard was evidential and proved to me that she really was communicating with my father. Of course, the major proof for me was that she saw both he and my aunt in the exact same way I had.
I was so relieved to hear that he was alright. I felt my father’s presence and the love he had for me while the medium was communicating with him. I felt great joy that he was celebrating with his parents, and other relatives. I still grieved over the loss of his physical presence but, I didn’t feel he was lost to me forever. I felt he was with me right by side and it was so very comforting.
In the days and months after my father passed I saw him numerous times and also got many signs of his presence. And, I never doubted again thanks to the validation I received that day.
Four main reasons people see a medium
1. Evidence of survival of death. Even if you are in the habit of seeing or hearing spirits and sensing their presence, like I was, you might think that what is happening to you is just your imagination. It’s natural to doubt and think you made it all up when you want something so badly. Having a medium bring through your loved one will validate what has been happening to you. No, you’re not going crazy. It really was him or her.
The medium conveyed what she saw, and there she was, my lovely Mom, recalling all the happy events of her life in detail, reassuring me that her spiritual body was whole, that she would always look out for us, describing my recent accident and a number of other memories. Now, the medium had no way of knowing any of these things and I was amazed at the connection I felt. At the end of the hour-long reading, I closed my eyes and felt my Mom hug me from behind and place her cheek close to mine, as she always did. I have not felt happier in my life.
Though I felt sad today, her third anniversary because she is no longer with us, in some sense, I also felt immeasurable peace, because of this reading. Love never dies. –Vidya Sury, Vidya Sury.com*
2. Feel their love again. Feeling the love they send you makes you realize that they do live on and that love never dies. After all, the only thing you take with you on the journey when you transition are your memories and the loving bonds you created. Many times we know that they are present because we “feel” their presence and feel the love we shared with them but, we want “proof” that it is real. When you feel their love while in the company of a medium it increases your belief and faith in life after death.
My mediumship reading brought me a lot of peace. My father passed from Alzheimer’s. Although my beliefs led me to believe that he hadn’t died but only passed to a new dimension, it still bothered me. I wanted to know if he was still in a fog, as he was before he passed, or was he free from his prison and free once again. During the reading my father came through at once, as if he were there waiting to come in. He “put” pictures into the medium’s mind that she conveyed to me. I immediately felt connected to my Dad and could feel his energy of love. Everything that she “saw” I could relate too and understood why he was sharing it with us. At the end of the conversation I was completely convinced that my father is out of his prison, that he is happy and free and at peace. Not only that, he is still with me whenever I “call” and walking with me illuminating my way when I need him. Today I felt so light and peaceful myself knowing that he truly is still a part of my life and that I will see him again when I pass. –Vicki Pearson*
3. Heal grief. Your pain at losing them is healed by knowing that you are only temporarily separated and that you will see your loved one again. While you will still grieve and miss them terribly you will also feel joy at knowing that they are still with you and that you can speak to them and that they do, in fact, hear you. Your grief will lesson when you realize that they can be with you at all major family events and that you can hear through a medium about the details of the event and “know” they really were there.
Since my mediumship reading, although I dearly miss my brother, I feel so close to him, know he is with me, have evidential messages that have stayed with me and it’s made a difference that I hadn’t expected to feel. I turned a corner in terms of the pain- and for anyone who is grieving the loss of somebody they loved, I wish this for you as well. –Lisa Claudia Briggs, Intuitive Body*
4. Validate your experiences. All the little signs they send or dreams they visit you in will become much more meaningful as you will know with complete certainty, that this is really coming from them. You will have an entirely new perspective on “physical death.” And, an entirely new outlook on life.
After my reading, I now know without a doubt that we never lose connection with those we love after they transition. A year after my mom died I was at my grandson’s birthday party. Before walking into my daughter’s home the hair on my arms stood up and I knew she was with us. I didn’t think of it again until after the party was over. My daughter asked everyone if they wanted a glass of wine. She took the bottle out of the fridge and the name on the label was “Seven Daughters.” My mom had seven daughters. It was then that I remembered feeling her presence earlier. –Tess Marshall, The Bold Life*
*Excerpted from testimonial
Who are you missing this Valentine’s Day? Has their spirit ever come to you? Or, have you gotten other signs from them from the afterlife? Share your story with us.
If you enjoyed this article share it with a friend on Twitter, Google+ or Facebook. Thank you.
P.S. Learn how to develop your own intuition – click here.
P.P.S Listen to my interview on Amazing Women of Power Radio airing on Monday, February 11 at 2:30 & 8:30 Eastern. Catch the replay on Tuesday