A guest post by Aileen Mahoney for Powered by Intuition
My wonderful friend had her heart shattered this morning.
For privacy reasons, I’ll call her Julie. The other night her intuition just wouldn’t yield. She couldn’t sleep; she couldn’t shake off an uneasy feeling about her boyfriend. As she described it, “It was like my body just got up and sat in front of the computer. My fingers just typed in his name, and I kept searching to see what came up. I couldn’t stop… The strange thing was that an address came up with his name and it wasn’t the condominium that he lived in, it was a house and Google Maps showed his truck in the driveway.”
She thought it had to be an old picture or old information from before his divorce. Further research revealed that Google Maps updates their information once a year. All she could think of, was “This must be wrong. This couldn’t be his address; it must be a mistake in Google.”
That morning when she dropped her daughter off at school, the address was clear in her mind. Instinctively, she typed it in her GPS and drove thirty miles to the house. She sat in her car outside of the house deciding what to do next. She wondered if she should knock and see who answers. It was definitely his truck in the driveway.
Just then, a woman walked out the front door and toward his truck. Without thinking, Julie jumped out of her car, ran up to her, and said, “Are you Joe’s wife?” The woman looked confused and said, “Yes.”
Julie said, “I’m his girlfriend of four years.”
The two women were in shock. The wife didn’t believe her until Julie showed pictures and texts from her phone. The two women talked for a while. Neither of them knew he was living a double life. Both had said they had a feeling from time to time, that maybe there was someone else, but neither had any proof and just thought they were being insecure.
When Intuition is more accurate than logic
Julie and Joe had met through a matchmaking service and his story was that he was just beginning to date after being separated from his wife for a couple of years. Not too long after they were dating, he told Julie the divorce was final.
He explained that he was still hurt from his pervious marriage and had some commitment issues that he was working on. He told her he was in therapy to deal with his “guarded heart” and asked for her patience. To Julie, this all made sense and she did her best to be “understanding.” After all, she had gone through a divorce herself and had dealt with learning to open up, trust and commit to another.
I remember talking with her a few years ago about certain non-committal behaviors Joe had. Periodically, we both wondered if maybe there was another girl, but all the signs weren’t there and he justified his behavior with his “issues.” It all made enough logical sense to cease the questioning.
When intuition speaks to us, it sometimes contradicts the way we see things and it can appear to be merely a fear based, negative thought about a situation. When her intuition said, “something’s not right” but his words made everything make sense, her intuition seemed to her like insecure thinking.
We can justify almost anything with our logic and point of view, but intuition will keep poking us when we’re not seeing the whole picture.
Common signs a lover is cheating:
1. Change of behavior:
- Becomes too nice or begins giving you gifts when that is not his/her usual behavior. It eases his guilt.
- Hides his/her cell phone, hides bills, or hides things he/she didn’t hide before
- Behavioral change in sex life – less often, more often, acts differently.
2. Excuses – Creates excuses for his/her absences and the stories don’t all match up
3. Disappearing Act – Lots of extra over time, business trips, etc… he/she is not around as much as before. Spends less time with you or is just not available
4. Defensive – In the early days communication seemed to flow, now the person is defensive and non-communicative. Example: His/Her phone rings late at night and he/she gets defensive when you ask about it and turns your question into an issue of your insecurity.
5. Emotional Disconnect – A vacant quality devoid of emotion, you experience the person being emotionally disconnected.
6. Privacy - He/ She becomes protective of their privacy.
Common Signs he/she is married:
1. Cash – Always uses cash, never credit or debit cards.
2. Weekday Visits – Is not available during the weekends (Can justify to spouse that he/she is working late or has business travel during the week.)
3. Leaves Late – Not able to stay overnight, or go away with you.
4. One Phone Number – You only have his cell phone not a home phone. (This one is tricky because many people only have a cell phone these days).
5. Abrupt Parting – Ends his/her internet chat or phone chat abruptly (spouse may have entered the room)
6. Family – You haven’t met his family
7. Habitat - He lives in an apartment that doesn’t look lived in or you’ve never been to his home.
These common signs of cheating are just for reference. Your intuition is often your best signal.
Why reading the signs isn’t enough
There are countless articles and books on “Signs that she/he’s cheating” and “How to know if your mate is cheating.” However, just reading those is not enough especially since your mate might not fit the description perfectly. Maybe he shows one or two out of ten signs, and then you second-guess yourself and your intuition.
In Julie’s case, many of the signs were not there, just a couple of them here and there. He justified everything so smoothly, which is another reason to listen to intuition over logic. The big glaring sign was simply being in a relationship with a non-committal man. He demonstrated the typical towards and away behavior – once he feels too connected he needs more space… then he’s with her all the time for a moment until he gets “scared” again.
When your intuition just won’t quiet down, or it keeps popping up periodically it’s begging you to listen.
Develop Your Intuition
There are countless reasons why it’s important to cultivate our intuition and have it in our daily life. Powered By Intuition has incredible articles about the everyday value of intuition and how to develop it. Intuition can tell us so much if we just listen.
Below are some incredible helpful tips Angela has written for all of us to help us grow our intuition for everyday life:
For Julie, she wishes she listened to her gut instinct years ago, part of her feels grateful that her intuition was relentless the other night and wouldn’t let her sleep until she saw the sign (his address) that would lead her to the truth of his seventeen year marriage and his four-year-old child.
Our dreams, our gut instincts our feelings are all part of our intuition. It carries more helpful information than we realize.
What moments of intuition have had? Any that maybe you doubted at first but turned out to be true?
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“ … continuous, small improvements for an ever-evolving, fulfilling life.”
Aileen Mahoney is the creator of Kaizen Vision
Aileen has a gift for walking, or dancing, with others as they journey beyond their perceived limitations. Having followed many inspirational teachers for over two decades, she continues to learn the value of authenticity and efficiency, and delights in growing and recreating her life. In addition to working with small businesses to improve their business development, she enjoys dancing, performing and sharing her passion for living an authentic life. Aileen is also a section editor for The Daily Brainstorm.
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